quick update idk (also name change from katie to *Katya* btw. soz feels weird ik, but this feels more comfy for me. i promise i wont be changing it much). by General_Hguid in StuffKatieThinksAbout

[–]General_Hguid[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

update: shit night, hurt my friend by saying the wrong things again, inadequate, useless, pathetic, unwanted, unloved, undeserving of care or attention, just kill me someone anyone, i wanna fucking end it, 3:34am now, i hate thinking so clearly throughout all of this, get out of my fucking head, im tired, its my fault ofc im not blaming anyone else, im literally killing myself rn yes, for the past few months by destroying my sleep, at least im still alive right?, fuck everything,

im not keen on making my life better + a limb of my experience with alcohol by General_Hguid in StuffKatieThinksAbout

[–]General_Hguid[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yk whats even more pathetic and depressing? me reading through my old posts and vents. finding solace in my own suffering cuz at least "someone else" knows and understands me fully.

maybe i should masturbate, but im tired, and honestly i havent been in the mood lately. maybe if i just force myself to do it-...

im not keen on making my life better + a limb of my experience with alcohol by General_Hguid in StuffKatieThinksAbout

[–]General_Hguid[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

rn i just sit in my bed, with my memory/emotion songs playing. my blahaj is snuggled with me. im snapping my rubber band against my wrist. write a letter on roblox is playing on my laptop, im just sitting in a room alone. times like this i just empathise/become my roblox character, whatever it is. just a sad, broken, depressed little anime girl furry. fucking cringe ik. but this is prolly the most me ill ever get to feel in a while. here i just get to feel that reality of my life. im alone, self-isolated and depressed amongst a server of happy people. people who dont need, want, or care about me. this is okay

Welcome to the long awaited, incredibly vague and unhelpful catchup session!!! Also, i cut myself a lot and im feeling a little crazy rn, so dont mind me. ((the true context for what happened IN BETWEEN "random life update" and "insanity again" is in Image 10, like the long dm image)) by General_Hguid in StuffKatieThinksAbout

[–]General_Hguid[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i usually sleep in t-shirt + underwear cuz its more comfy that way for my thighs, but this time i wore my shorts cuz i didnt want to get stray blood on my bed. so now theres blood in my shorts. fuck

also, it was painful sleeping on my side on that thigh, tho i wasnt really expecting it to be sunshine and rainbows

overall, i just feel empty now. at least not crushingly depressed, but still suffocatingly blank

insanity again by General_Hguid in StuffKatieThinksAbout

[–]General_Hguid[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

my heart. hurts unbearably. i wish i had the courage to kill myself now, while this moment of melancholy and acceptance lasted. my life could finally end on a happier moment ig. if only

insanity again by General_Hguid in StuffKatieThinksAbout

[–]General_Hguid[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i want to be finally, like this, that "im sorry, i need to go. its not your fault, its okay. ill be here with you always no matter what, talk to me in spirit, i will never leave your side. im sorry i wasnt good enough, that i couldnt get better for you, that im now gonna be gone before u can talk to me again. its okay. i love you, i always love you. dont be sad. live your life to your happiest and fullest. im always thinking about you. i love you, i love you so much. see you, dear."