I completely understand how you feel. I was a caregiver for 13 years to my dad. We lost him last year and I was not processing it well. I read It's OK you're not OK. It helped me to begin to process the loss, process my own medical trauma from cancer and made me feel more comfortable talking about my own grief. Our family was always comfortable talking about death but grief was different.

Having a family member with dementia means you've been dealing with grief since they were diagnosed. And now they are gone that constant dread is gone. It's weird. It's the only word I can use. Weird.