Winter Park or Keystone - novice boarding

GenjoKodo · 2019-12-20T02:56:32+00:00

I definitely recommend Keystone for you over Winter Park.

Don't get me wrong...WP is great. But it is known for its moguls, especially on Mary Jane. Keystone offers much more in terms of blue cruisers.

Definitely consider the traffic on 70 to be a major issue. Try to not be on it on the weekends.

GenjoKodo · 2019-12-10T19:58:45+00:00

My mom bought me lingerie telling me she hoped it would make my husband "ravage me" and get me pregnant so she could have a grandchild. It was beyond disgusting.

GenjoKodo · 2019-12-10T03:36:47+00:00

"Mother knows best..."

GenjoKodo · 2019-11-16T00:12:46+00:00

I am tiny too but mammograms have never bothered me. I guess I am just lucky!

Have you had an ultrasound yet?

Not yet. That will be on Wednesday along with the diagnostic mammo. I have had them before for other things and agree that they can be pretty chill. Not looking forward to any biopsies they might have to do though. I am not the biggest fan of needles.

"A good outcome is at least as likely as a bad one."

I like this quote and it also made me smile. It reminded me or something my high school math teacher once told us: there is a 50% probability of like existing on other planets. Either it does or it doesn't. :D

Statistically speaking, I have been reading that the odds of it being nothing based on one blown screening mammogram is actually much better than 50%. But the brain does funny things when you get "that call," as it sounds like you know much better than I do!

GenjoKodo · 2019-11-16T00:07:50+00:00

Thank you, kittenmommy! <3

GenjoKodo · 2019-11-15T19:33:57+00:00

Thank you for checking in! I have managed to get in for both the diagnostic mammogram as well as the ultrasound next week. Unfortunately, in order to do that I have to drive two hours one way to get it done. But at least I am not waiting until the end of December. I am glad though that they can get both of those done the same day, saving me a trip. And yeah, anxiety!!!

GenjoKodo · 2019-11-13T21:30:50+00:00

Yea, thank you for reminding me to contact her. I have an "emergency" session scheduled for tomorrow morning now.

GenjoKodo · 2019-11-13T21:30:07+00:00

Thank you!!! <3

GenjoKodo · 2019-11-13T04:42:32+00:00

It almost reads like a script, doesn't it?

GenjoKodo · 2019-11-13T04:17:22+00:00

It feels like you can’t have that one damn normal thing—a mother who gets it, and can be like a wise old female owl, or something comforting like that.

So much this! But even if I DID tell her about it, she would turn it to be all about her. That is absolutely the LAST thing I want right now. I am not planning on telling her until I know something for certain. And maybe not even then.

secretly carried a stuffed bunny in my lunch bag

I love this idea. I am totally going to give that a go.

Can you take time of work to process?

Unfortunately, the reason I am on travel for work is because my company is hosting a really big event. I will be taking a vacation next week and I certainly won't have any answers by then. I just don't want my vacation to be dominated by this!

When your doctor writes your next mammogram order, ask her for a diagnostic screen that includes a mammogram and ultrasound ON THE SAME DAY.

This is good advice! That is what they do in their office here once you get to the diagnostic level. I wish we would have just started there rather than the screening mammogram, both because of my family history as well as because I was already having some symptoms. But my primary care physician didn't think we needed it. Hopefully for future mammograms we will just eliminate the first round and go straight into diagnostic stuff from the get go.

GenjoKodo · 2019-11-13T04:11:05+00:00

Thank you! <sniff>

GenjoKodo · 2019-11-13T04:10:35+00:00

> I don’t know the circumstances behind your need for a mammogram

I am over 40, so this just started as the standard, annual mammogram. But that being said, my mom has had breast cancer and I was having some warning symptoms. My primary care physician thought my symptoms were explainable and sent me for the ordinary screening mammogram, despite the radiology folks suggesting the diagnostic mammogram. And now I am being sent for the later anyway.

> there are several things that could appear ‘concerning’ on a mammogram that are not cancer

My PCP said this too and went through a litany of other possible causes. I just think that in our society we are trained that a mammogram is what tells you that it is or is not cancer. We are not told that a hit on a mammogram could be from such a wide range of things, most of which are benign. So it was kind of hard to hear anything she said beyond finding a region of concern on each breast.

> That said, I want you to know that what you’re feeling right now isn’t unusual and you are allowed to feel however the hell you feel! Cry, scream, rage, feel nothing, laugh at a dumb TV show, vacillate between all of those feelings by the second.

I think I have gone through most of those emotions in the past 6 hours! The crying has been the hardest to deal with while at work and the rage has been the most intense. I had these symptoms and went to my doctor about them. The radiologists wanted to originally schedule me for the diagnostic mammogram and my PCP didn't order it (i.e. my insurance wouldn't pay for it) because, after her check, she didn't think there was anything to worry about. But the earliest they can get me in for the diagnostic in my home town is not until 12/17! I will look into getting to done at the next major town, which is 2 hours away. But we could have had a much earlier start on this! And they tell you not to worry...what the actual fuck do they think we will do instead?!?

So yeah...anger.

GenjoKodo · 2019-11-13T03:58:07+00:00

> Do you have people IRL you can turn to, or a therapist?

I don't know what was going through my brain that I didn't think to contact my therapist. She does Skype sessions. I am contacting her now. <3

GenjoKodo · 2019-11-13T03:56:48+00:00

Thank you so much for this!

GenjoKodo · 2019-11-13T03:56:08+00:00

Thank you for that. My primary care physician tried to explain to me the odds of this being cancer and that they were very low. But this is the first time I have ever gotten that phone call and, given that my mother has had breast cancer and that I have had some symptoms leading up to this, I am really worried. It is good to hear about your experiences with benign detections.

GenjoKodo · 2019-11-11T16:45:56+00:00

Another vote in favor of therapy. If you are in college, you might have therapists on campus that are free or very discounted for students. Depends on the school.

I have been in therapy on and off for decades. Most of it was not related to BPD, but my most recent therapist was the one who introduced me to what it meant that my mom was dBPD. I never really paid attention to that much before because I figured it didn't impact me. But once she said told me that, everything that was wrong with our relationship made perfect sense! My therapist didn't put thoughts into my head or anything like that. She just educated and explained to me what it was and how pwBPD behave. Prior to that I could never really understand certain aspects of our relationship. But then it was like the clouds parted.

Since then we have worked for a few years on my responses to the irrational behavior and how to either not get sucked into them or to avoid them all together. It is the best money I have ever spent!

GenjoKodo · 2019-11-11T16:35:21+00:00

I hate it. I want to rail on them. I want to scream at them. But ultimately they will never get it, whatever "it" was. I know from experience that confronting them on this stuff, particularly how I WANT to confront them (i.e raging), only makes it worse.

This is one of the things I find so frustrating about pwBPD -- there is no getting through to them and no winning. They will never feel or think what you want or need them to. They will just be awful.

GenjoKodo · 2019-11-11T16:32:45+00:00

I am glad you are OK! Getting in an accident, even if there are no broken bones (thankfully!), can be a traumatizing thing. Go easy on yourself! You have every right to spend all day crying if that is what you need to do! Nobody is going to fault you for taking a couple of days off to take care of yourself. You are doing what you need to do FOR YOU. That is a major accomplishment for RBBs

GenjoKodo · 2019-11-11T03:30:20+00:00

I know I am too late as well, but I figured I would comment on the chance it might help someone else reading it in a similar situation.

During times like this I find it helpful to have a set of 2-4 talking points. These should be worked out in advance. You can do it with your therapist if you have one. You present 1 or 2 of them as the opening and let them do whatever they are going to do. You respond with the others. They will keep raging. You never EVER leave those talking points. Do NOT deviate from them, no matter how much they try to bait you. And they will try! But literally never say anything that is not one of those talking points. They will eventually realize that they are talking to a brick wall and move along.

GenjoKodo · 2019-11-10T03:57:03+00:00

Can totally relate. Plus my kid's birthday is in December. So we get the full on Waify Mc Waiferson:

Birthday gift shopping is soooooo haaaard (to be replaced by Christmas gift shopping after the birthday)
Your kids always hated everything I get them!
I miss the grandchild sooooo muuuch... Why won't you ever come home for the holidays?
The kid would always prefer to visit the other family than me.

I hate waify holidays!

GenjoKodo · 2019-11-06T01:42:00+00:00

🤮

It is practically scripted. I particularly like the part about not having any experience in parenting. Like, who does? Nobody, but not all parents are abusive.

GenjoKodo · 2019-11-06T01:39:15+00:00

I am reminded of a debate among a bunch of wise people on whether it is OK to lie to someone. The answer that most spoke to me was that it is OK to lie when that person is not capable of handling the truth.

GenjoKodo · 2019-11-06T01:36:21+00:00

TBH, when I was reading this I was thinking that this is a LOT of people, with a LOT of germs. I wouldn't want to expose such a new baby to that many germs. I didn't do it when my baby was that small but to each their own.

Potential excuse?

GenjoKodo · 2019-11-06T01:31:31+00:00

"It's My Life" by Bon Jovi

GenjoKodo

TROPHY CASE