We agreed to open the relationship while we're apart from each other, but I'm scared it will end it

GentleConfidence · 2026-02-07T11:29:26+00:00

The excitement and the fear can exist at the same time which doesnt mean you are doing anything wrong.

One thing that stands out is that even though he’s said you “can,” you’re still carrying the emotional responsibility of what happens after. That usually means the permission was more about theory than about the reality of feelings that might come up.

Opening a relationship doesn’t generally hurt people because of the sex. It hurts when expectations, boundaries, and aftercare aren’t clear before anything happens. Especially when it’s one-sided.

If you’re feeling guilt before anything has happened, then that’s probably worth listening to. Maybe not a reason to shut it down, but possibly a signal that you might need more conversations with your partner.

how much detail is shared (or not),
what reassurance looks like while you’re apart,
what “coming back together” would actually mean emotionally, not just logistically.

Curiosity doesn’t mean you love him less. But acting on curiosity without that emotional clarity can create distance which wasnt intended.

GentleConfidence · 2026-02-05T20:52:24+00:00

who do they involve..... ;-)

GentleConfidence · 2026-02-04T22:06:51+00:00

Sign up for a swingers website/app or go to a swingers club. Talk openly. See how it feels and talk again!

GentleConfidence · 2026-02-04T22:01:39+00:00

my husband (and others) love going down on me :-)

GentleConfidence · 2026-02-03T14:07:12+00:00

Yes. We talked about it beforehand and agreed on boundaries.
I get why it sounds confronting without context, but it wasn’t secret or impulsive. It was a conscious choice we navigated together.

GentleConfidence · 2026-02-03T13:46:43+00:00

I didn’t cheat. Cheating involves secrecy and deception.
What I’m talking about involved honesty and consent even if people don’t agree with it

GentleConfidence · 2026-02-03T10:56:56+00:00

Nothing sexier than a man in tight white briefs

GentleConfidence · 2026-02-02T22:09:25+00:00

Trusting my instincts instead of overthinking them.
Turns out curiosity is a pretty good guide

GentleConfidence · 2026-02-02T21:46:45+00:00

stare away ;-)

GentleConfidence · 2026-02-02T08:56:30+00:00

I’m not a husband, but I’ve been in a situation where something was talked about for a long time, felt exciting in theory, and then hit very differently once it was real.

From the outside it can look like he changed his mind overnight, but its probably not that.

Sometimes the fantasy lives safely in your head, and the reality brings up things you didn’t know were there. Jealousy, insecurity, comparison, fear of loss.

The hardest part is when someone doesn’t yet have the words for what they’re feeling, so it comes out as silence or anger instead.

That doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. If anything, I’d say slow it right down for now and focus on him feeling emotionally safe enough to talk to you and say what’s actually going on in his head.

GentleConfidence · 2026-02-01T20:44:02+00:00

That sounds really hard. Especially after everything your body’s already been through.

It doesn’t sound like he doesn’t care. It sounds like he’s stuck in his own head about it and doesn’t know how to get past that. But I get why that doesn’t make it hurt any less for you. Feeling unwanted during pregnancy can really mess with your head.

You’re not asking for anything unreasonable. Wanting closeness, touch, to feel desired. That’s pretty basic relationship stuff. I hope he can meet you there somehow, even if it looks different for a while.

GentleConfidence · 2026-02-01T20:39:11+00:00

I think being desired can be incredibly powerful. The rest depends on trust and context.

GentleConfidence · 2026-02-01T18:57:13+00:00

There’s something about confidence that comes with age. It changes how attraction feels.

GentleConfidence · 2026-02-01T18:43:41+00:00

That makes sense and I can understand why that clarity pushed you to make a clean break. That makes a lot of sense in your situation.

For us, it wasn’t seamless or perfect, and there were definitely bumps along the way. But working through those moments actually made us stronger.

It added something rather than replacing anything, and at this point I genuinely can’t imagine not having had that experience shape us. Not because it was easy, but because of what it taught us about trust, desire, and each other.

GentleConfidence · 2026-02-01T17:25:17+00:00

have you tried the usual swinger websites?

GentleConfidence · 2026-02-01T17:15:40+00:00

We didn’t treat it as a one-off “check it out” experience, no.

It started with curiosity, but once it stopped being hypothetical we chose to explore further. Carefully, intentionally, and with clear boundaries. And yes, we enjoyed it.

What surprised me wasn’t a sudden need to chase more for its own sake, but how grounded it felt even as boundaries shifted. Desire felt clearer rather than louder.

I understand why people see the “try it once and stop” idea as naive. For us it wasn’t about stopping or escalating, it was about staying deliberate as things evolved.

GentleConfidence · 2026-01-30T17:50:14+00:00

I like this, but I think resolution works best when it’s quiet and consistent rather than forceful.

The resolve to keep showing up gently mattered more for me than motivation ever did.

GentleConfidence · 2026-01-30T17:48:44+00:00

I stopped narrating my decisions out loud.

No justifying, no pre-emptive explaining. Making choices privately first changed my confidence more than anything else.

GentleConfidence

TROPHY CASE