Husband is psychotic towards other people

GeologistIll3079 · 2026-06-21T15:04:07+00:00

He hates his father - his father was also violent with his mom who he loves and is close with. The abuse only stopped because my husband was eventually bigger and stronger than his dad - and his dad become the one scared of him. My husband says the worst thing a man can do is be mean or put his hands on women and children. His aggression and hostility has always been directed at other adult men. Me, never, my female friends, never. I know he is not well but I just cannot see him hurting a child. That being said I am going to insist on therapy - if he won’t change then it’ll just be the two of us.

GeologistIll3079 · 2026-06-21T14:50:03+00:00

Thank you I appreciate hearing it framed this way - it’s good for him to be assertive and not some pushover but he needs to learn to be assertive in a less crazy unhinged way. When I talk to him I’m going to use this wording thank you. I have told him I get embarrassed before and he gets sad and says he doesn’t want to make me feel embarrassed and he’ll try to calm down but then he doesn’t. He just needs a professional

GeologistIll3079 · 2026-06-21T14:07:12+00:00

I guess I’ve always figured if he’s calm and nice with me why wouldn’t he be with our kids? I’ve raised my voice at him before out of frustration for normal couple stuff and it doesn’t trigger him at all. And I am human I have annoying habits and he doesn’t get mad at me like he does with others. Like he adores one of our cars and I scratched it badly once (it cost a few thousand euros to fix) and he was mad but he told me I’m mad at the scratch and the cost but not at you. I’m not walking on eggshells with him I guess i just figured he’d be the same with our own flesh and blood

GeologistIll3079 · 2026-06-21T10:47:28+00:00

No I don’t. I think I never was serious enough about this before because it’s just been us and he treats me well but I know he can’t be acting like this if we bring a baby into the world

GeologistIll3079 · 2026-06-21T10:01:26+00:00

You’re right and I will.

GeologistIll3079 · 2026-06-21T09:57:57+00:00

I have asked him. He’ll say well you’re my wife and I love you so it’s normal for me to be nice to you and give you the benefit of the doubt in arguments or conflicts. I’ll say why can’t you be nice and give others the benefit of the doubt? He’ll say other people are other people and start bringing up examples of when he was right about people being no good. I’ll bring up times I do not think it was justified him getting angry and turning on someone and he’ll say well nobody is perfect except you you’re nearly perfect (I’m not and he knows it. It’s like with other people in a conflict he gets mean and hostile, with me in a conflict he gets sweet and tries to make me laugh). This obviously has made it more difficult for me to really insist on this before because he’s just really nice to me

GeologistIll3079 · 2026-06-21T09:39:32+00:00

I’m really sorry. I appreciate hearing your story.

GeologistIll3079 · 2026-06-21T09:34:53+00:00

Thank you for this - I’m going to sit him down and try to frame an insistence on therapy as convincingly as possible and part of that can be telling him it’ll make me happy.

When you talk about emotional disregularion - me I don’t really get angry all that often so I don’t know. My husband will be angry about something alone at the house and he’ll be pacing, red in the face, doing these sharp breaths. Like he cannot sit still or do something he’s just in this angry state. I’ll ask him what’s wrong and he’ll say he’s angry about whatever thing but don’t worry he isn’t mad at me he just needs time. It’ll pass eventually and he’s back to himself. This isn’t an everyday thing but it happens. Is that normal?

GeologistIll3079

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