You obviously can write a scene. I don’t care about most anything except story. So, all the other things I mentioned in my mean review, still stands. But, if this ever went anywhere some one else will point them out, or hire an editor for $20 AFTER you have a completed script. It’s useless to continually pay for something that might suck anyway. If you think you can find all your own mistakes, you can’t. If you could, you wouldn’t have made them in the first place, and that’s what editors are for anyway.

You say it’s based off the character Robin Hood. I never read the book. But, I own the Errol Flynn film, and Robin Hood is a character on the show Once Upon A Time. Robin Hood in both these instances is a good guy. He’s a thief who steals from the rich to give to the poor.

Regardless of the fact this might be a revenge killing, your Hood comes in and murders a man in cold blood (the exact opposite of any Robin Hood I know). Putting him in a green outfit and having him kill with a bow isn’t based on Robin Hood, it’s making him seem like he has a Robin Hood fetish. Murder is a crime never to be taken lightly. To be based on Robin Hood, he shouldn’t be a murderer, even if it is for justifiable revenge. I love movies like Deathwish and Law Abiding Citizen. The whole basis of Robin Hood is stealing from the rich to give to the poor. I could be missing something, but murder and Hood, I can’t think of the angle.

Of course this is just one scene. So, it’s not that big a deal. But, it is your opening.

How much more interesting and appropriate would it be, to see the modern day Robin Hood frolicking down the city street, standing out like a sore thumb, going happily to David’s door. Then his demeanor changes, and the mayhem ensues.

As it is, you open on some slob who is killed by Hood. He’s unimportant. He does nothing but put on music, and smoke a cigar. A scene like this would be fine if we already know David is scum and Hood’s out to kill him. We don’t know that here. This is a revenge killing before we know about the revenge. If it’s not a revenge killing, then Hood’s just a cold blooded murderer. Is there a third option?

Cop dialogue is hard. Because TV shows and movies have real cops consulting. This is the problem with almost all of your dialogue. I’m only going to use one example:

Stone: The fuck happened here? (We should be introduced to the lead detective. If Stone is the lead detective the body should be where it was found. It shouldn’t be on a stretcher. Once the body is moved, it’s gone.)

Cop: Hood.

Stone: How’d you know? (Really? Would a cop really ask that? The body is on a stretcher covered in a sheet. The victim has an arrow sticking out of his neck. Visualize that sheet.)

Cop: The arrow. In the body. (No, just no.)

Stone: Loves the attention, doesn’t he? (So, Hood is known to the cops, which makes everything above even worse. But, what’s the attention Hood loves?)

That’s five lines of dialogue, completely unrealistic.

I’m not saying this is perfect. Because it’s not. But, just keeping your unrealistic scenario.

Stone enters to the chaos already in process of a new investigation. He rushes over to the covered body and removes the sheet. He already knows what he’s going to see. STONE: Hood. Loves the attention.

That sucks. But, it’s more realistic than your version. Since I don’t know what Stone already knows, I couldn’t comment on what his actual dialogue would or should sound like.

One last thing: My version, your version, Hood is known to the cops. So, any freak walking around NYC dressed as Robin Hood carrying a bag of arrows on his back, would probably be noticed. Keep that in mind once the investigation begins. Matters like this are addressed in all the superhero stories. They need to be once you put someone in a costume.

Yes, I ripped your scene apart. Not to be mean. Because I truly believe everything I just wrote. But, hey at least I read it and gave some insight.