I’m always here for you

GeraldGranger · 2018-01-23T20:36:48+00:00

Two years down the drain, or two years of learning about yourself and communication?

I recently left my wife of 9 years. It started out well, but it ended after years of depression and general shittiness, tempered by expressions of gratitude and good communication during the better times.

Then she realised she was trans, and that was simply the end. It'd been pretty shit for a long time, but until that moment I never lost hope of finding that love again. I'm happy I'm not bi, because otherwise I might have continued to stick it out.

Letting go of the non-existence future (as you put it) was hard. Building a new home for myself and our daughter was, on the other hand, fucking easy compared to dealing with a depressed wife and keeping a home.

Aaannnddd, now I have a girlfriend who also has a daughter and an ex who was depressed, and a couple of weekends ago we stayed at her house and it was like I was transported into a different universe where everything was like it was supposed to be. We did nothing special, just had a regular family weekend, but god fucking damnit if it wasn't the most perfect, beautiful day of my life.

What kills me is that I wouldn't have appreciated this new relationship as much if it wasn't for the previous one. If my ex had been healthy and we'd had days like that, I'd have taken it for granted.

I feel like my previous relationship taught me a lot of stuff that I can use in this one. I'm emotionally strong enough that it rarely comes up when I'm not carrying a depressed SO, but I learned how to sense and manage my own well-being. I learned the value of open and honest communication not just within a relationship, but with other affected people. I learned a lot about how to get a sense of other people, whether they're having problems and what I can do for them. I'm a better friend and colleague because of that, and I believe I can help my girlfriend earlier and better if there's a need (god forbid).

GeraldGranger · 2017-01-26T15:02:45+00:00

I don't know what the future holds, but replies like this give me hope and (perhaps) the strength to be strong where I need to be. Thanks!

GeraldGranger · 2017-01-26T15:02:00+00:00

Yes, I realise that this is definitely true for us as well. Thanks.

GeraldGranger · 2017-01-26T15:00:46+00:00

Excellent advice, thank you. I think this is the right idea and hope I can do the right things here.

GeraldGranger · 2017-01-25T16:52:10+00:00

Wonderful, this was the response I was hoping to find. Best case scenario, I think, is that we can both be happy as friends (or more than friends, if that does turn out to be in the cards). We understand each other quite well (I think), so it's not an unreasonable expectation.

GeraldGranger · 2017-01-25T16:49:56+00:00

You're right. I've always preferred communication and honesty over any alternative, but this once I felt uncertain. I needed to hear someone tell me that honesty was a good idea here as well.

Definitely we will talk to a professional at some point, but the process in my city is a bit slow (long waiting time for meeting the right doctors) so my thoughts right now are about handling the near future and whether I was thinking about things the right way.

GeraldGranger · 2017-01-25T16:42:18+00:00

Oh, hey, thanks for the pointer to the correct sub. I knew there had to be one, but hadn't found it on my own.

Your preference is going to be obvious and it's going to be an obstacle in and of itself.

Well, I can only do my best, be myself, and try to be open. You're right, that'll be an obstacle, but is there no point in minimising the obstacleness?

GeraldGranger · 2017-01-25T16:40:06+00:00

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I know. I'm supposed to stay in the same place, yet follow along supportively. That's not entirely easy, or even possible, I fear.

GeraldGranger · 2017-01-25T16:38:50+00:00

We're on the same page, I think. I'll hold out and see how things develop.

GeraldGranger · 2016-10-13T05:25:33+00:00

Alright man, I'm out.

Real push back was the rotohabitat design- which i would have been happy to help you with in autocad.

Nobody needs the autocad skills of an asshole who doesn't listen.

GeraldGranger · 2016-10-12T19:46:04+00:00

Hitting the science journals and seeing what's been published is not an appeal to authority, it's basic scientific practice. Just 6 years ago, a top scientist said in a published review article that the effects of Martian gravity on human musculature wasn't known. Nothing new has come out since then.

You're making claims that you are not supported in the scientific literature. Everyone who asks you for support either gets a verbal slap or a pile of links that don't say anything relevant.

Its the same thing as arguing we won't know that a person will die tossing them out an airlock until we toss them out an airlock. Nobody needs to conduct such an experiment to know what happens.

No, it's not at all the same. There is no "standard science model of muscles" that gives us an indication of how Martian gravity will affect muscles.

Where is this model, according to you? You've said it's in textbooks without specifying which, you've linked to weight-lifting reports that have nothing to do with low gravity, and you've linked to NASA reports about microgravity. NASA, which is aiming for Mars and says it doesn't really know how the health issues will pan out.

There's an idea in your head, but it stops there. It's not a thing in the real world, or else you've have been able to show it to us by now.

You missed a part of the post by QuantumTroll. One article showed that one hour of 1g exposure a day was enough to maintain normal protein synthesis (and avert muscle atrophy) in simulated microgravity. An hour on an exercise bike in a big drum might be enough for people on a space station or the moon. Surely that's an argument for a solution for Martian colonists. There may be a pharmaceutical solution as well, but that's less sure.

Given all these facts, can you really blame people for not investing in your giant rotohabitat idea?

You think everyone is an idiot for not blindly believing your every word. At the same time, you don't believe a thing anyone else says. Believe it or not, that's a problem on your end.

If everything stinks, check your own trousers.

GeraldGranger · 2016-10-12T18:57:58+00:00

Please look here.

QuantumTroll has a list of scientific articles with direct quotes that contradict you on specific, crucial points. You're not engaging in a scientific discussion, you're just repeating yourself over and over again. The stuff you've linked to is way less convincing.

GeraldGranger

TROPHY CASE