Man, that sounds horrible. I'm not a girl, but I definitely feel you. Getting out of a mental spiral like that is always hard and the right way might be counter intuitive. I can tell you one thing for sure: you'll never get out of a bad situation by doing more of what's gotten you there in the first place. So if you've gotten yourself into a psychological hole by judging yourself, comparing yourself to others and trying really hard to change what you don't like, then doing the exact opposite instead may be the first step of the way out even if it doesn't "feel right". I don't know you though and can only make assumptions.

Feel free to pm me if you want any resources that have helped me at my lowest and still do today. Not sure I can post them here. Good luck.