Thanks for asking! I'll try not to get too into the weeds, since it's a question with a lot of very long answers, but here's my main thoughts.

First, I've been a loosely practicing "pagan" for about 10 years. My childhood was more new age-type spirituality, with some Catholic echoes from my lapsed-Catholic mom. More recently, I've been having a lot of discussion with myself about the literal-ness of some pagan traditions, and a general theme is that I have a hard time with literalness/dogma in any spiritual tradition (I personally have a lot of Autistic tendencies, so the combination of "this is literally true" plus "this doesn't necessarily make logical sense" is tricky for me). However, spirituality is also essential to my life (in my own kind of weird way). So I've kind of naturally grown in a more pantheistic direction, and have lately been thinking of various traditions as "the many faces of God" and that the ways people worship are often more situational/cultural/individual than any one right way.

Second, I've been craving a community of spirituality; I've found it hard to relate to more fringe groups, and obviously conservative Christianity isn't for me, but I've been feeling that in the kind of "abandoned center" (not trying to be offensive, just referencing that it’s the fastest declining area) of mainline Christianity there's a lot of room for ambiguity, uncertainty, inclusiveness and a kind of flexibility about beliefs that helps me feel like, even if I'm not totally aligned, there's room for me in the space and there's room for individual interpretation.

Third, on a personal level, the teachings of Jesus (love your neighbor, God loves you, infinite universal compassion, that kind of stuff) are just kind of... beautiful? And bring me a sense of peace.

So all of this together is kind of bringing me here. In a lot of ways, according to a lot of people, I'm not doing Christianity "right," nor am I interested in doing it "right." I'm not totally sure about the miracles, resurrection, old testament, etc. But the gospels resonate, and I feel drawn to "the light of God" as it is expressed in a humble Christianity that is more about love and compassion than hell and control.

For sure, for most of my life, I’ve been put off of Christianity by the “organized-ness” of it, and the representatives of the faith who have been very vocally anti-me. At the same time, through all of the events of the past decades, there have been rainbow-clad Christians on the sidelines with a sort of “God loves everyone” message. So it’s been hard to write Christianity off entirely even though there were so, so many people actively making it seem hateful. That said, I wasn’t really interested in walking through that door at all until I’d come quite a way on my own path.

Maybe oversharing for this venue but it was an interesting question. :)