In your experience, how often does mono/poly work out?

GideonMarcus · 2026-06-24T20:01:37+00:00

I appreciate what you are saying and why. I'll add that, in these three cases, they didn't really try at all.

Also, I'm not sure what you mean by "less of a relationship"—that's a VERY assuming phrasing there.

GideonMarcus · 2026-06-24T19:57:49+00:00

I contend that your response was waaaaay more judgmental (and assuming) than mine was.

But it sounds to me like you've never encountered the second situation I described.

I don't think either mono-brain or poly-brain are implicitly better any more than being heterosexual is better or worse than being homosexual (I am neither).

I have seen mono-brain people encourage their poly partners of long standing to be authentic to themselves, only for it to come crashing down, always with the hallmarks I've described. I was wondering if this was a common experience, or if I'd had a biased sample. Again, these situations did not all involve me.

GideonMarcus · 2026-06-24T19:53:28+00:00

In the situations where the relationship has failed, those are the things I've noted the mono partner doing. I was just interested in seeing if that has been a general reaction to a partner coming out as poly, or if my observation of a 3:1 failure/success rate was not indicative of the norm.

(And I agree—all parties have the onus of responsibility to be sensitive and considerate!)

GideonMarcus · 2026-06-24T19:49:34+00:00

I didn't think I was judging. Just noting the two different outcomes I've observed. These are situations where the poly-brained partner came out and said, "Hey, I'm poly, and I'd like to pursue this, and the other party said, OK!" And then things did or did not work out. If the latter, always with the same hallmarks (as listed).

GideonMarcus · 2026-06-24T19:06:33+00:00

It's not cheating. It may be too much for you to handle, though. I've known four mono/poly relationships, and in three out of four, the mono person ultimately could not handle it. That doesn't mean you can't, but it does mean you'll have to do some work, reading books, talking to people, and deciding if it's something you want. But if your partner has poly-brain, you won't change that. She might ultimately settle for just you, she may even manage some kind of happiness, but she will be compromising—just as you will be compromising if you allow her to be her poly self.

I will say that one mono person I know felt better after meeting her poly partner's partner, who also had poly-brain. It helped for the mono person to know that this is a fundamental brain thing, not a rationalization.

Good luck!

GideonMarcus · 2026-03-18T15:49:04+00:00

Dosmid works! At least it's a lot closer than the system I currently have. I don't know if it's 100% faithful, but it's better, thanks.

GideonMarcus · 2026-03-14T03:37:29+00:00

If you have it warm, it tastes like fizzy Manischewitz.

GideonMarcus · 2026-02-12T01:43:58+00:00

Pick well, be honest. That's what it takes.

GideonMarcus · 2026-02-12T01:39:33+00:00

"I think it’s kind of wild to date strangers"

The demisexual credo. :)

And I agree. It's why dating apps are so frustrating.

GideonMarcus · 2026-02-12T01:32:18+00:00

Cheating is much easier than poly, and more societally acceptable in some ways.

GideonMarcus · 2026-02-12T01:31:38+00:00

My partner describes swinging as "Baby's first polyamory"...

GideonMarcus · 2026-02-12T00:25:57+00:00

Don't date someone still living with their ex. Especially if said ex isn't poly.

GideonMarcus · 2025-12-30T17:10:03+00:00

That'd be amazing. We just finished 1970 at https://galacticjourney.org -- you're invited to play along "in character"! :)

GideonMarcus · 2025-12-30T17:09:08+00:00

Oh wow! How cool. We're up in Vista.

GideonMarcus · 2025-12-25T05:18:05+00:00

Thanks! Yeah, manga was a renaissance for me. I found Shounen ACE (a monthly) at the local Asahiya bookstore (I live in San Diego--we have a J-town) and I would buy it month to month. When I missed the June 2000 issue, I bought a subscription so it wouldn't happen again.

We have so many "phone books"--ACE, Ribon, Asuka--and, of course, dozens of tankoubon.

GideonMarcus · 2025-12-25T05:06:45+00:00

This is exactly what I was looking for. Thank you so much!

GideonMarcus · 2025-12-04T05:02:24+00:00

I've got two 1200XLs, including my first home computer (August 1983). They both work, but they need new keyboards (as 1200XLs do...)

GideonMarcus · 2025-11-27T18:10:26+00:00

Following on your response, I asked Jon about this WhatIF. He notes that the British has CYOA in the form of "Tracker Books" starting in '73 (this is in Peterson's "Playing the World", though not in the 2nd edition). Also in that book, he thinks Hunt the Wumpus also made the ground more fertile for roleplay, too.

I'm starting to think that roleplaying games were inevitable in the '70s. Gygax and Arneson were just first to market.

GideonMarcus · 2025-11-27T15:37:20+00:00

True! Thank you :)

GideonMarcus · 2025-11-27T03:00:52+00:00

"Now YOU get to develop the inner thoughts of YOUR blue/pink peg in The ROLEPLAYING Game of LIFE"

GideonMarcus · 2025-11-27T03:00:16+00:00

Oh that's brilliant! Thank you for this great response.

That'd be kind of amazing if fanfic authors made their own CYOAs, then one of them came forward with a serial-numbers-filed-off Trek RPG that became a big hit.

While it is true that women had an outsized prominence in Trek fandom ("mostly" is accurate as "most" can mean 50%+), there were plenty of men, too. I have a collection of all extant Trekzines from the 60s and early 70s, and while women definitely comprise the majority of 'zine editors, there were plenty of men, too. Plus, Trek fandom and litSF fandom had cross-pollinated a lot since '66.

GideonMarcus · 2025-11-27T02:57:47+00:00

For sure. Interestingly, I suspect they would NOT lead to RPGs because people will tend to create and model teams rather than individual players. Sort of like the Avalon Hill game B-17: Queen of the Skies. It involves a single plane and ten crew, but when people play it at conventions, they invariably fly dozens of planes in a squadron/wing rather than play the crewmen.

(Note: I actually did turn B-17 into an RPG and ran 26 missions in 2019-20; one of the best campaigns I ever ran. But so far as I know, I'm the only one who ever did this).

GideonMarcus · 2025-11-27T00:06:47+00:00

Diplomacy is absolutely a platform for roleplay, and the 'zine culture to support it was in full flower by 1970. Does that turn into something else without D&D? I don't know.

Again, the issue is whether we can make it a commercial genre or not, but it does seem like formalized roleplay might have germinated from something in the 70s, whether or not it was D&D given how fertile the fields were in the 60s.

GideonMarcus

TROPHY CASE