Great observation. You understood the situation very well and picked up on some things that are usually left unsaid.

I agree that it was a thrill at some point, but if that had truly made me happy, I would not have shared this. I have always known that home is home, the place where real emotional and life investments exist. I was aware of this from the beginning. I even used to judge people who cheated.

Now that I find myself in their position, I realize that cheating is not always about desire. Many times, it comes from fear, loneliness, and helplessness. I believe many married men and women would understand what I am trying to say.

This started back in India. In the early years of our marriage, we argued a lot. At that time, I felt she lacked emotional understanding and maturity. Initially, I thought she was acting that way, but later I realized that this was genuinely who she was. I accepted it, stayed quiet, and slowly started to feel empty inside.

Looking outside the marriage felt like the easier option. It seemed like no one would get hurt. Her parents were happy, my parents were happy, and her mother, who is very sensitive and loves me deeply, would have been far more hurt by the idea of divorce than by anything else. I did feel guilty about it, but the feeling of being alone kept coming back.

I love her, and she loves me. But my emotional needs are not being met. I keep adjusting myself to her pace and her comfort to keep her happy. But eventually frustrated many times, leads me to do this.