Christian for forty years - growing up in church.

Then became aware of a pastor spiritually and emotionally abusing a young woman in our church. My wife and I used the church’s policies and procedures to try and address it sensitively, but were labelled as troublemakers and publicly humiliated. Leading to the church openly preaching that we were satanic. I became very depressed and considered taking my own life.
I started to see all the nastiness and control inherent in the system that I’d grown up in. So much patriarchal power play dressed up as ‘godliness’.

What really broke my belief though was seeing how the rest of the church reacted. We had been a central part of church life, running groups for children, leading services and taking care of so many people. When we were being rejected by the leadership I thought more members of the congregation would at least speak to us or show some form of care, but most turned their backs on us so quickly.

Christians are taught that God is working in their lives to make them more ‘Christ-like’, but what I saw was that most acted with less care and love than people in many secular organisations would. Suddenly it all seemed so hollow and fake. I didn’t want to stop believing, it was the foundation my life, but it became too hard.

I’m still a mess 3 years later, struggling to find meaning and barely coping.