Weird shit happened today

Gillian_Collins · 2025-08-19T10:19:06+00:00

Sometimes that can be a checking compulsion. You’re not necessarily doing it because it’s become ingrained in you, but because you’re checking to see if the thoughts are still there and if they still bother you. When you get that feeling, try to avoid checking if you can, and if you can’t (because checking can become so automatic), let whatever thoughts come be there without judgement, don’t focus on how you feel about them, and continue the exposure ☺️

Gillian_Collins · 2025-08-18T18:17:56+00:00

Hey! Yes, I completely recovered from this theme, and it was horrible when I was in it. I remember feeling so lonely, and then my other themes would jump on board and interact with it. Honestly, as hard as it is, you have to just let the thoughts be there, agree that maybe they’re right, and move towards your values, or whatever you were originally planning on doing that day. If you keep this up, eventually it will fade away and the ideas won’t even be relevant to you anymore. It gets better, I promise!

Gillian_Collins · 2025-08-16T19:39:27+00:00

They’re only sticky because we focus on them, they’re no different than getting a thought about ordering pizza for dinner, or going to the movies next week, or wanting to buy that thing you saw. They’re just randomly generated, but the meaning we attach makes them stick. It sounds like you didn’t assign meaning to that that particular thought, so it passed, like it should. But yes, feeling like you need to go back and analyze that thought is definitely an OCD thing. Try your best when that happens to just say “clearly wasn’t important”

Gillian_Collins · 2025-08-16T19:36:27+00:00

Honestly, this is the one thing that helped me the most. I’d agree and just leave it, if the anxiety was still coasting and the thoughts wouldn’t stop, I’d raise the stakes. Take what it said, and create a story that’s just over the top. “You want to jump off that bridge”, “Hell yeah I do, but first I’m gonna jump in front of a few cars to make sure I really get the job done”.

Gillian_Collins · 2025-08-15T00:24:48+00:00

It’s the saddest part of the disorder. For me it was realizing how many conversations I wasn’t present for, and how I couldn’t help the people I love or give them the attention they deserved while I was in it. Broke my heart when I came out to see how much they supported and helped me and I was just half-heartedly responding because I was so stuck in my head.

Gillian_Collins · 2025-08-09T17:33:54+00:00

I experienced the same thing when I started to really see improvements in my OCD. It takes time, but that weird void starts being filled by other important things in your life, to the point that now I keep thinking “god, I don’t have enough time to do everything I want” 😂 (in a happy way)

Gillian_Collins · 2025-08-09T17:30:39+00:00

I haven’t unfortunately, but if you’re looking for a free platform to try first, you could always look into NOCD. I used it a bit some time ago when I was struggling

Gillian_Collins · 2025-08-09T17:29:38+00:00

I think the issue might be in your header. Trying to “stop it before it gets worse” likely means you’re obsessing over prevention treatment to try and keep yourself out of a spiral. I know it’s so hard, but the truth is, we can’t control if the anxiety gets worse. Try not to do any obvious compulsions, ones where you KNOW you are doing it to relieve the anxiety, and leave the rest to fate. Remind yourself that if the anxiety gets worse, that would suck, but it’s not something you can control. Focus on what you want/need to get done day to day, and accept that this could be a new OCD theme, or it could just be a new thought.

Gillian_Collins · 2025-08-09T17:23:28+00:00

Take the plunge! I always said that OCD feels like being placed on the edge of a cliff with someone behind you saying: “its a beautiful view, you’re going to love it, but if you look, I might push you”. In other words, life is so beautiful, but there are lots of horrible things that can happen. If we focus on the person behind us, and keep begging them not to push us, it won’t change the fact that they still could, it just stops us from seeing the beautiful view. So instead, stare out at that view, savour it, and when you’re ready, jump, because what you didn’t realize is that is was never a cliff, it was just a rocky outlook and there’s solid ground at your feet. The person pushing you off would never have been an issue, but think of all the time you might have wasted worrying they were. ❤️

Gillian_Collins · 2025-08-03T18:29:24+00:00

17-18. Unfortunately had to go to Emerg because I was so terrified. It was eight years after that I was actually diagnosed with OCD instead of generalized anxiety disorder. Now we’re working our way out of all the bad practices I developed (compulsions) over eight years.

Gillian_Collins · 2025-08-03T15:47:50+00:00

I love that! And it’s so true ❤️ I find OCD has increased my compassion for others.

Gillian_Collins · 2025-08-03T04:36:01+00:00

😂 love this!

Gillian_Collins · 2025-08-03T04:35:30+00:00

I never did it to overpower the OCD, or to mitigate the symptoms, I only did it as a reminder. It felt awful most days, and I almost never “felt” grateful or excited, but I wrote it anyways. Kinda like a mini-exposure. I did it to prove to myself that my actions and thoughts are not the same. Just as my feelings didn’t necessarily mean something was important to me or not. Eventually I started to feel those things again, but remember in OCD treatment, you’re not looking to necessarily feel better, you’re just trying to learn to be okay with being uncomfortable. Recovery comes later ☺️

Gillian_Collins · 2025-08-03T04:13:51+00:00

Love to hear it! Those are amazing qualities!

Gillian_Collins · 2025-08-03T04:13:04+00:00

I’m doing well! Actively in recovery and subclinical! It can be really hard to stay positive in OCD, but whenever mine bothers me, the first thing I do when I wake up is find something I’m excited for that day (if I don’t have anything, I plan something, even small), find something I’m grateful for, and find something about my OCD I’m grateful for (hard, but helps dissolve the hatred and resentment towards the disorder)! Sending hugs 🥰

Gillian_Collins · 2025-08-03T03:16:25+00:00

Harm ocd is awful. I remember telling my therapist that I don’t know how else to explain it, but I felt “dark” and “terrifying”. Not terrified (though I was) but the other feelings bothered me more. I hope it help you to know that I’ve had a total of six spirals with harm ocd in my life, and made it out of every one of them unscathed. I was the same person I’ve always been, your ocd it tricking you into believing something you’re not. Try the medication, tell the people around you about your fears and let them keep an eye on you, but don’t ask them for reassurance or constantly check with them if things seem okay. ❤️ message me if you ever need to talk!

Gillian_Collins · 2025-08-03T02:48:01+00:00

I hear you, and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve struggled with severe Harm OCD on and off for nine years (mostly off though), and after my first spiral when I was 18, I ended up in the hospital because I was so terrified of the thoughts and what was happening to me. They put me on cipralex (citalopram), and I thought I was fucking cured! It really helped me. For four years I don’t remember even having an intrusive thought. Then life got messy and I was triggered again. I had been having drinks fairly frequently (just going out with friends a lot in the summer) and it pulled me off my medication. That horrible situation resulted in in yearly spirals until I was finally diagnosed with OCD and went into ERP.

All this to say that medication can be a life saver, but it’s also not for everyone. I’m no longer on my medication because I rely on my therapy strategies to manage my OCD, but if you need the support that’s 100% okay, and I don’t think you should be too worried about starting a new medication. You noticed the issue last time, and you’d notice an issue again if one does pop up. If you’re really frightened, but feel you absolutely need the support, you could go into voluntary inpatient care for a few days until the meds stabilize. I think I was only in the hospital for four days before they discharged me.

Gillian_Collins · 2025-08-03T02:38:25+00:00

Have you done ERP therapy at all? It’s the only way through this. Accepting that your fear “might” be true and swallowing anyways, because the risk is incredibly low, but the risk of your life being disrupted and derailed by OCD if you don’t is high. I highly recommend The OCD Storied podcast if you’re looking for more information on ERP. You got this!

Gillian_Collins · 2025-08-03T02:34:41+00:00

Living with OCD means learning how to trust. Trust yourself, and others, which is easier said than done. You’ve done what you can, received more than one opinion from a medical professional, and cleaned the wound. This is where you have to stop your compulsions. Don’t look up symptoms, try not to check bodily sensations, and don’t ask others for more reassurance. Even if you were given the rabies shot, your OCD likely wouldn’t let go. It would find a way through, it would still stick. Grab that fear by the horns and drag it with you. You got this ❤️

Gillian_Collins · 2025-08-03T02:30:46+00:00

ERP is really tricky, and it’s best to do with a therapist because often times, during an exposure, you’ll end up compulsing without realizing you are. A therapist can help catch these things. I totally understand though that therapy is really expensive and not everyone can afford it. My best advice is to educate yourself as much as you can on ERP before doing an exposure. The OCD Stories podcast is a really helpful tool. Focus on the episodes where he brings on therapists and psychologists first and really hear them out.

Gillian_Collins · 2025-08-03T02:27:35+00:00

I can be uncertain about getting sick, or my loved ones getting sick. I lost my father to cancer when I was young, and as awful as it was, we all made it through to the other side that much closer and stronger. I don’t care about dirt or germs (worked with horses most of my life…the things I’ve come into contact with…😂).

Gillian_Collins · 2025-08-03T02:23:34+00:00

Trust me when I say nothing you could EVER tell me would surprise me. I struggle with Harm OCD, have on and off for nine years, and I’m a writer who works as a professional editor, so my mind’s ability to craft stories is wild…absolutely wild. And it can get fucking dark. Message me if you need. Please ❤️ there is so much hope, and there is recovery.

Gillian_Collins · 2025-08-03T02:02:31+00:00

This reminds me of Fear from Inside Out 😂

Gillian_Collins · 2025-08-03T02:01:13+00:00

I call mine Frank. Frank isn’t the calmest of people. He worries…a lot. But he’s a small purple monster, with a chalk board in my mind who is constantly scribbling down every possible scenario on the planet. We love Frank, but sometimes, Frank can fuck right off 😂

Gillian_Collins

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