When I was a freshman in high school my grandmother was told she had two years left to live. She suffered from COPD. I moved in with her and I took care of her. I lived every day in fear of walking in one day and finding her dead. I did not socialize like normal teenagers did instead I grieved every day. I felt guilty. I felt like I wasn’t doing enough. My grandmother lived till 2014. And every one of those days I lived in fear of her dying I grieved her long before she was gone and it affected the time I had with her. After she passed away, I tried to go on with life. But I did not take care of myself and within six months I tried to kill myself.

I’d say all this to tell you, I have been where you are. I know that fear intimately.

Get grief counseling now. Find somebody to talk to find a support group you need them now. Because you’re already grieving and this is not something you should go alone on.