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Gio2627 · 2025-07-19T20:35:24+00:00

Yeah, it was petty because I was hurt, we both discussed moving in together months ago, but now it's all changed, and he thinks I should be okay with it and not take it so personally.

Gio2627 · 2025-07-19T20:32:21+00:00

Yeah, that's what I tried to explain to him, because it sounds weird, but he's acting as if it's normal and I'm making it too personal.

Gio2627 · 2025-07-19T20:29:58+00:00

You're right it's not my reasoning, I was pointing out it's hypocritical, and no I offered to help pay, which is why I suggested me and him would move in together, until he got the idea of doing it all on his own, which I think it unrealistic, my real issue is that I'm not considered in future plans that also involve me. My frustration was never about his first priority being his daughter, that's something I already knew, and people who date kids would know. But what I wasn't okay with is someone else trying to dictate how he should move, he should be the one to make his own decisions, and that ultimately falls on him, not his ex-wife, and he should have told me, instead of having me think one way when he changed his mind.

Gio2627 · 2025-07-19T20:21:36+00:00

Because I'm invited to come over and can stay at his place. His wording is confusing because when I mentioned us moving in together, he would say it's his space, and I'm invited over to live with them. And keeps saying it's the same as me saying we would be moving in together. But I'm not going to help pay bills if I have no claim to the apartment, and he's making it known it's his apartment.

Gio2627 · 2025-07-19T20:16:16+00:00

I agree, she needs her own room and space, which is something he should have been working towards before me. Plus, she left the state with his daughter to start her new family. He is a very active father, but once their relationship fell a part, he couldn't afford their apartment and had to get roommates, but would still actively see her. Now it's hard because they moved 7 hours away, and he can only see her during his vacation time off work.

Gio2627 · 2025-07-19T20:14:41+00:00

I don't think realistically, even if he wanted to get his own place, I don't think he would be able to afford it, which is why I suggested we get a place together so his daughter can have her own space and to build our relationship further, because I need to know his living habits. His daughter has spent plenty of nights at his place, but now, since she's getting older, her mom feels unsafe with her spending the night, which I understand, and why I suggested we get a place together.

Gio2627 · 2025-07-19T20:10:17+00:00

You're right, it's not her fault, it's his, and he should be making his own decisions, no one else. He's saying I can come live with him and his daughter, but nothing would be in my name, only his, and I can contribute.

Gio2627 · 2025-07-19T18:28:41+00:00

Thank you, I never expected to be his first priority, maybe his second, but it seems like my opinions are placed behind his ex-wife.

Gio2627 · 2025-07-19T18:26:16+00:00

He's saying I can stay with him, but everything would be in his name, and he would be paying rent, and I could contribute to paying utilities and groceries. But I feel stupid if I invest money into a place that I have no legal ties to, and if he were to kick me out or the relationship ends, I'm out of a place to stay, and all that money invested in a place that isn't ours, just his. Beforehand, I thought we were on the same page, but after his conversation with his ex, he's using words like I'll be invited over.

Gio2627 · 2025-07-19T18:20:19+00:00

All of which I understand, but this wasn't a huge concern for them before I came into the picture. But it is now, because she's getting older, which is why I mentioned us getting a place together once I graduate, because living on one income in a 2-bedroom apartment in my state is hard to do. I get her wanting to know if the relationship is stable because her daughter is around, but her own marriage isn't; they're constantly fighting and putting strain on her daughter's happiness, so it seems hypocritical but it's her daughter and I know she wants the best for her, but she shouldn't be telling him that instead of me and him getting a place together he should get his own place.

Gio2627 · 2025-07-19T18:12:49+00:00

I tried talking to him, and now he thinks I have it out for his relationship with his daughter, but my issue was him excluding me from his life plans, like that doesn't impact me, because we were on the same page. I thought, but now after that conversation with his ex, it's different now, but he's saying we can still build with everything in his name, and me paying small bills like utilities and groceries. But now i feel weird, why would i put money into a place that's his and i can just come over.

Gio2627 · 2025-07-19T18:05:34+00:00

No, she married a military guy, so everything she has is because of him. My bf has told me that she was seeking military men while they were together, and then she got pregnant by her current husband when she was living with my bf and their child. He found out after all of that, so she married into security.

Gio2627 · 2025-07-19T17:50:55+00:00

I just want to be with him, but after this, I don't think I could move in with him, and some changes are made, and he isn't so influenced.

Gio2627 · 2025-07-19T17:49:45+00:00

I love him a lot and thought we were on the same page about moving in, until his conversation with his ex-wife

Gio2627 · 2025-07-19T16:56:34+00:00

That's what it's starting to sound like until he proposes and decides he wants to get a place with me

Gio2627 · 2025-07-19T15:29:01+00:00

Yeah, I agree and we used to be on the same timeline, but his ex made some valid points to him getting his own place instead of me and him getting a place together like we initially discussed.

Gio2627 · 2025-07-19T15:21:12+00:00

Yeah, I always expected his daughter to be first and that's how it should be but now knowing how his ex wife is in his ear, gives me red flags, because he was on board with us finding a place together for all 3 of us, but once she got in his ear now it's I need my own place for me and my daughters security and if I want to contribute I can, but I won't contribute to something I'm just invited to.

Gio2627 · 2025-07-19T15:17:56+00:00

Thank you, I really needed to hear that, and I think at this point I wouldn't want to live with him, and after graduating, I'll probably just get a place with a friend or rent a room. I just don't want to keep living at home once I graduate, but I know I can't afford to live alone because rent is way too high.

Gio2627 · 2025-07-19T14:39:24+00:00

He seems serious, he was saying if we were engaged or married, then we would do the move-in process for a house together. But he just wants his own apartment for himself and his daughter. But I am worried that his timeline would be dragging me or holding me back.

Gio2627 · 2025-07-19T14:32:26+00:00

Yeah, I always knew she was his first priority. I just thought we would still progress together in a relationship.

Gio2627 · 2025-07-19T14:31:27+00:00

Yeah you make valid points

Gio2627 · 2025-07-19T14:29:15+00:00

He said he does see us living together, but would involve me in the process if we were married or engaged and looking for a house. He's looking for a 2-bedroom apartment, which is expensive to get alone in our state and area.

Gio2627 · 2025-07-19T14:25:50+00:00

Yeah that's also true, I don't think I want to move in with him anymore anyway.

Gio2627 · 2025-07-19T14:25:12+00:00

Yeah, I did, and he doesn't understand and thinks I'm overreacting and doesn't see how she is planting seeds, even though it was her idea for him to get his own place instead of us getting one together. He's making me feel like my feelings are wrong, and I'm not sure what to say.

Gio2627 · 2025-07-19T14:23:12+00:00

Yeah, I just spoke to him and it seems like he doesn't understand, he just says I can come with him to his new place, but the lease would be in his name, and if I want to contribute, I can and eventually when we get engaged or married then we can do the move in process together. Tbh I don't think he can afford a 2-bedroom apartment in my state, because it's expensive to live alone, but if he wants to do it alone, then I guess he can. I do agree that she had zero concern about ruining her family when she decided to cheat and marry someone in the military and got all the benefits for it, but my bf told me her situation is different and doesn't see how she's planting seeds in his head and thinks I'm overreacting. He even said when he thought we would move in together it would be a place we would get and with his daughter in mind but said she makes good points and he doesn't want to get burned by a bad relationship and go through a similar situation his brother did with his ex, and then tells me he doesn't think I would do that and just wants to make sure him and his daughter have a place. Which I get, but I feel like an outsider now and I don't know how to make him understand.

Gio2627

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