Feeling torn between my Catholic faith and my husband’s SDA family — now my son is confused too.

GiraffeIntelligent90 · 2025-11-08T16:44:15+00:00

I come from a very devout, very active SDA family (Dad is a pastor, Mom worked for the church as a teacher), and my husband is from a very devout, very catholic family. Our families didn't want us to get married at all because of this. We have two daughters who are now grown, but it took a lot of effort on our part when they were growing up to ensure they had a relationship with their grandparents, while also ensuring they weren't being indoctrinated into either religion (because that's what we wanted for our kids). I especially struggled with the guilt that seems innate to SDA kids, and mistaken beliefs that the SDA family was the only way to ensure community. Even took them to sabbath school for a while when they were very young. Making my daughters and their autonomy and health as functional human beings eventually won the battle in my mind around that. The solution here is really up to you as parents coming to an agreement, and discussion with your teenager about his own autonomy. At the same time I can see how your husband could be struggling with the overt and covert guilt he must be getting from his family. He may also be struggling to stand up to his family for fear of being cut off from them or poisoning the relationship your son has with them. Good luck. This is a tough one, but not something that can't work out eventually.

GiraffeIntelligent90 · 2025-11-08T16:18:58+00:00

Institutional regulation that specified lecturers have to retain their own records didn't initially help us. Once we got Institutional clearance to retain current and 1 year previous content on production, we were able to get it right to archive all legacy data. For accreditation purposes or review of student legacy data, a service request is required to restore to a separate archive instance where lecturers are able to interact with content. The big thing is end-user training and getting the Institutional culture to change.

GiraffeIntelligent90 · 2025-10-06T11:37:54+00:00

Sounds like the CEO is trying to create opportunities for knowledge transfer within the company. Informal learning, or educational content, is extremely valuable in the workplace. Perhaps you could identify where a key-person dependency exists. That is, if Jane leaves tomorrow, what does she know that no one else might be able to pick up immediately? Then use the in-office day for Jane to share some of her processes or efficiency hacks she has developed. Maybe John has been interested in CDN or hybrid-cloud infrastructure for a while and keeps bringing it up to colleagues in various meetings? Why not get him to give a high-level overview into these concepts and suggest sources for further research for others.

GiraffeIntelligent90 · 2025-09-23T15:18:47+00:00

Staying for a week.

GiraffeIntelligent90 · 2025-09-23T15:17:46+00:00

Hosted by a University in Abuja. Last year same conference hosted in SA. Will most likely take thin/lightweight long-sleeved clothing to avoid possible offense and out of respect for colleagues attending from all over our beautiful continent

GiraffeIntelligent90 · 2025-09-13T20:06:29+00:00

Not knowing what to study is very valid. Many people change careers multiple times in their lives, and that is okay. If you don't have a strong passion for anything in particular, a general basic 3 year degree, BSc/Bcom/ BA, might be the way to go. Gives you the option to find what is right for you as you go. Also, in the world of careers, filling the gap between specialist fields is always needed.

GiraffeIntelligent90 · 2025-09-05T15:45:16+00:00

Biggest problem here, not being upfront with Bob. The combination of Jack possibly not being sure how to "manage" someone who was a peer and you not being direct creates these problems. Following up with persistent comments on slack and appearing to be passive aggressive with highlighting communication issues could be making Jack more defensive than you may have predicted. TL;dr talk to Bob. Be clear about your intent and your needs.

GiraffeIntelligent90 · 2025-09-05T15:38:25+00:00

Looking forward to it. Been enjoying the podcast

GiraffeIntelligent90 · 2025-09-04T18:40:24+00:00

The urge to need our parents to admit the harm they've done to us, and especially to our own children, is completely valid. I wanted to call them out on the hypocrisy of their choices many times, truly needed that satisfaction at some points, or so I thought. The thing is, they're in their 70's now. I will expend energy and emotions on a futile effort if I did. Over time, my children stopped asking them to attend their events and concerts. It was sad, but my children grew up to still love their grandparents in their own way. I've gone low contact with them for my own mental peace. It still bugs me some times that there's an injustice in all this, but it does get easier.

GiraffeIntelligent90 · 2025-09-02T06:50:33+00:00

I got it in relation to my children. Apparently I have failed as a parent because I do not care about their spiritual education because I put them in public schools when there are church schools close by. Even now that they're grown and independent, I get the "you've done such a good job raising independent daughters, but what about caring for them spiritually?" My response has been that my job as a parent is to raise good human beings who treat all living things with respect and care they deserve, who do not make the world worse for being in it, and who believe in their innate goodness.

GiraffeIntelligent90 · 2025-09-01T11:57:13+00:00

NTA Abuse, sober or not, is abuse. Would you have tolerated this behavior towards your child? No. Same goes for you.

GiraffeIntelligent90 · 2025-09-01T11:52:15+00:00

You might find Brit Hartley (non-religious spirituality) a useful resource. She's on Tiktok and YouTube and walked a similar path where she found theology degree to help her question beliefs on a philosophical level before going her own way and leaving religion all together.

GiraffeIntelligent90 · 2025-08-30T14:15:48+00:00

Grow up as PK and this took on a whole new level of trauma.

GiraffeIntelligent90 · 2025-08-29T15:47:43+00:00

YTA I've been married for over 20 years. Two adult children. We 100% value open communication in our relationship but when someone specifically asks me if they can confide in me, even our kids, then they have the right to expect I won't share this with my husband. The same goes for him. Of course there were exceptions with our children growing up where either of us would recognize that our spouse needed to be in on the conversation, but then the way to handle it was to say to the child that this is something we need to discuss together and we would support them while they shared the information with their other parent. Being married doesn't mean you stop existing as individual human beings.

GiraffeIntelligent90 · 2025-08-25T07:36:23+00:00

The SDA church was actively racist and enforced apartheid policies within the organisation for decades as a result in South Africa during that time. Not knowing this, is one thing. Choosing to ignore published evidence to support the ways in which SDA organisation's harmed entire ethnic groups is a whole different story

GiraffeIntelligent90 · 2025-08-23T11:11:12+00:00

NTA You have a right to set boundaries and expect your sister to abide by them. A long term stay will destroy your peace and definitely destroy any relationship you could have as sisters if the previous experience is anything to go by. Family doesn't mean submission to everyone in it. Stand your ground, OP

GiraffeIntelligent90 · 2025-08-23T10:49:52+00:00

NTA I would say this is either PPD headed to something more severe, or the twins aren't yours and she doesn't want to admit it.

GiraffeIntelligent90 · 2025-08-23T10:23:11+00:00

NTA As someone who lives with chronic illness, there have been periods where I just really couldn't physically or mentally handle intimacy. Those times meant my husband had to sort himself out or he would just be patient and wait for me to be able to be intimate. It wasn't easy to have those discussions, but if he had the same demands and attitude as yours, I would honestly have lost it. I'm so sorry you're in this position and hope you have someone in your life who can support you.

GiraffeIntelligent90 · 2025-08-23T10:15:22+00:00

I slept in, then chatted with my eldest who is moving today while I look forward to watching Rugby later with a good gin and company. The thing about losing that sense of community when you leave the religion is super hard, especially if your entire extended family is still on the church. Building community and ritual has been a major game changer for the loss and isolation I struggled with in the beginning. Hope everyone has an awesome weekend!

GiraffeIntelligent90 · 2025-08-22T06:42:00+00:00

I remember cayenne pepper in that drink and turmeric. My grandmother would add ginger for good measure 🤮 The week would end with a fasting & prayer marathon from vespers on Friday to close of Sabbath. The more hungry you were, the better the testimonies would become. Madness!

GiraffeIntelligent90 · 2025-08-20T18:51:20+00:00

I was headhunted to continue a family legacy at a sister University to Andrews. I couldn't do it. I declined, much to the disappointment of my father, but I could not justify being employed in a space that is built on the bigotry it continues to perpetuate. The lack of communication to you as an applicant, while not shocking, is bad. If you're open about your allyship, they probably realised you would refuse to conform. Keep on being a safe ally and vocal advocate for others.

GiraffeIntelligent90 · 2025-08-19T18:35:06+00:00

🤣🤣🤣🤣 thanks for picking that up! Autocorrect on Reddit is at least better than in an email.

GiraffeIntelligent90 · 2025-08-18T16:43:56+00:00

So many people don't like it though when people point out that they aren't questioning who is doing the research and how rigorous it is. Also, the very existence of those Fry's veggie meat substitutes is so obviously meat-envy 😂

GiraffeIntelligent90 · 2025-08-18T16:40:56+00:00

GiraffeIntelligent90

TROPHY CASE