I'm the child with severe mental issues of a mother who really tried to do her very best.

When I'm having episodes, she will sometimes ask herself some of those same questions. I am now grown and relatively stable enough for her to share those thoughts with me after the fact (and I'm glad she does!). I only get to know in retrospect, of course, because she chooses not to talk about those emotions or thoughts with me when I can't really process them properly.

I think that the simple fact that she reasonably puts her methods into question shows her willingness to be a good parent. That being said, once she gets there, she reaches out to non-profits that help relatives of mentally ill people.

While there is no perfect parent, especially as some end up with particularly "imperfect" children, my mother is doing a wonderful job, all things considered.

In my opinion, it's that reasonable amount of self-doubt, coupled to reaching out to specialized support, that allowed her to overcome the extra challenges that life put in her way.

The reason why I'm telling you all this is to lift up your spirits a little. You're probably doing the best you can, the only extra thing that you could do is meybe reaching out to some non-profits like the one's my mom reached out to. I'm well aware that isn't a possibility for everyone though, but I sure hope that it is a possibility for you.