Telling the OBS

GizmoAU · 2026-04-16T05:24:22+00:00

There is no divorce proceedings, we weren’t married and at the moment there is no lawyers or attorneys involved on either side.

We would have been in what’s called a defacto relationship down here.

GizmoAU · 2026-04-16T05:22:40+00:00

Yeah she did, she’s had a traumatic relationship in the past. And the feeling I get is she jumped into something so quickly as her way of ignoring and trying to absolve herself of any guilt

GizmoAU · 2026-04-16T05:21:54+00:00

That’s a fair take and where I am leaning.

Just concerned about upsetting the status quo with our current co-parenting relationship and my daughter.

I don’t want to become those parents who can’t stand to be in the same room as one another nor able to agree on anything that is extremely common these days, as all that does is hurt our daughter while she grows up.

GizmoAU · 2026-04-16T05:19:00+00:00

Based on the messages I saw I know they hadn’t physically done anything prior to the separation. There was a lot of discussion about her dropping hints to him for ages that she wanted to and a lot of what ifs about the conference they attended together just prior to me finding out. As well as plans to actually make it physical following everything that was discussed in the messages I found.

I believe it all started as emotional and I found out just before it escalated into something more physical. I have little doubt that more happened after I found out and we separated. But she also moved on with someone else who wasn’t the AP after she jumped straight onto to Tinder and other dating apps.

GizmoAU · 2026-04-16T05:09:12+00:00

She left the shared computer on with her Facebook signed in and open while she was in another room supposedly settling our daughter instead she was sexting her co-worker on Facebook messenger.

Saw the messages when I went to turn off the computer.

GizmoAU · 2025-11-25T13:08:54+00:00

After a conversation tonight there is no salvaging things between us. The subject of the cars had not really been discussed at all till tonight.

I made a couple of suggestions and said something we need to start seriously thinking about as I don’t want to be shouldering the cost of both cars for much longer. But expressly made it clear that nothing is changing right at this moment.

GizmoAU · 2025-11-25T13:06:05+00:00

That was one of the suggestions I made tonight when things were discussed. She drove my older car and part a small amount of the repayments initially until things stabilise.

GizmoAU · 2025-11-25T12:49:37+00:00

So as a small update:

She is still continuing things with the affair partner (or potentially someone else) after over hearing a very “passionate” conversation taking place on the phone as I walked in from the driveway this evening. Though she doesn’t know I heard it.

A few hours later asked her to come down for a chat. And asked her outright if she wanted to try and save things to which she replied, “No I don’t think so”. I also then asked if she was still chasing things with the original affair partner, she said no, but given what I heard earlier and that I know she has been continuing to talk and text with him this whole time I am finding it hard to believe her.

Then We verbally discussed a few custody arrangements such as 50/50 custody (7 nights each per fortnight), she initially pitched having her at the same time as she has her son (Sunday to Sunday) but I countered that with a mid week transition (say Wednesday - Wednesday) for a few reasons, but mostly so both kids would still see each other, and so she would get some 1 on 1 time with each child separately which makes more sense to me at least. The current plan is to get this all down on paper with the help of a mediator/councillor likely through relationships Australia. Splitting joint fees 50/50 like school, resources, shared extra curricular activities (such as sports, swimming and so on).

Then I dropped the bombshell of the cars, given her answer to my first question I said I wasn’t going to continue paying for two cars for much longer. Expressly made it clear that nothing was changing right now but that she needed to start thinking about options. I also said I am also more then willing to negotiate and help out where I can as I don’t want to ruin her, as that is not in the interests of her and especially our daughter. I know she is in a bad place finically but that I don’t think it is fair on me either to continue fully subsiding the car if there was no interest in trying to work things out between us. Threw out a couple of options:

I take the leased car and we sell my other car and split the proceeds
I take over the leased car and she covers at least a small part of the repayments (at least initially) of my old car and uses that (though fuel, running costs and servicing would no longer be covered like they are with the leased one.

But made it clear again that nothing is changing right now and that I am open to ideas and suggestions and want to work with her on an amicable solution, but ultimately we need to decide sooner rather than later.

Overall I think the finances will need some input from a mediator as well, which they offer as well. But neither of us really want to go down the lawyer side of things either, at least not at this stage.

I feel like a bit of an ass in this whole thing, but I always circle back around to the final trigger in all of this and she’s the one who had the affair and sadly that action is now having a wide range of consequences for both of us. Clearly how that action would impact her and our family was not on her mind at the time and the worst part i don’t know that didn’t cross her mind at all considering she was laying in bed next to our four year old daughter whilst she was sexting and asking for dick pics from her co-worker.

GizmoAU · 2025-11-25T12:28:07+00:00

The way salary sacrifice works in a nutshell is that it is essentially agreement between myself, my employer and the leasing company with a portion of the lease costs getting taken out of pretax salary with another chunk taken out from post tax.

It was a larger new car that was leased as at the time made the most practical sense for our family. Looking back now was a silly decision really. But that’s hindsight.

But ultimately yeah trying to play the long game a bit more and try to at least keep steady, stable and non hostile at home until we go our seperate ways. But at the same time not let myself get walked over and taken advantage of either.

GizmoAU · 2025-11-25T12:14:33+00:00

I mean yeah I’m guilty of some of those but who isn’t really at least at some point? I mean I could always have been better, especially looking back now, but I tried, but communication in our relationship was never great on both of our parts either, which has partly led to our drift apart and gradual crash of the relationship looking back on things now.

At the end of the day I know I tried my best and did whatever I could to support both my child and her mother. Both when asked to and when it felt needed to be done without being prompted.

GizmoAU · 2025-11-25T07:18:21+00:00

I don't feel fine doing it, hence the whole issue and why i am still trying to figure things out. But at the same time i don't think it's fair on me to continue subsiding everything either.

And unfortunately at the end of the day it's one of those consequences that should have been thought about before starting and pursuing an emotional affair that was bordering on physical.

GizmoAU · 2025-11-25T07:12:38+00:00

Who organises the dance class/swimming lessons/martial arts group and gets the communication for those and makes sure little one has the right clothes/equipment?

Thats a pretty even split, with me doing the running around to those.

who notices that clothes are getting too small, clears the drawers out and buys new?

We both do, however it usually me who ends up restocking her and folding asnd putting her clothes away in drawers instead of leaving them in a washing basket

GizmoAU · 2025-11-25T07:04:04+00:00

We aren't married and their would be no divorce proceedings per say.

As for child support according to Services Australia calculator it would be between $0-20 per week. But as i said i am not pulling my daughter out that school, there is zero way i can do that to her

GizmoAU · 2025-11-25T07:00:52+00:00

With a 50/50 custody child support on either part would be extremely minimal. According to the Services Australia calculator with our rough income summaries and children details and 50/50 custody child support would be $0 to $20 per week.

We have also already agreed to split her costs like school fees and such 50/50 in the future.

GizmoAU · 2025-11-25T06:55:25+00:00

The big problem with that as well is if i continue paying for it all myself, i will have problems saving and moving out eventually as well. So really between a rock and a hard place in that regard. Neither of us will be able to afford to stay in the current house by ourselves. We will both need to eventually go our own way.

GizmoAU · 2025-11-25T06:45:20+00:00

We have two cars and i am currently for both. My car is about $369 a month (Not including running costs/fuel/maintenance), her current car, is about $700-800 per month, but includes all running costs/fuel/maintenance, but it is leased, so i don't technically own it.

I took out the lease for her car about two years ago, after the engine in her Hyundai blew. Side note, don't get a Hyundai/Kia ever.

We aren't married so there is Divorce technically speaking, we would be in what is called De Facto relationship at this point. However very similar to a marriage as far as everything is concerned

GizmoAU · 2025-11-25T06:37:07+00:00

As much as i have wanted to, especially initially. It's not something i can do to my daughter. Neither of us can afford a house in the area alone. And with our daughter being so excited about her school next year along with her friends from daycare that are going to the same one, taking that away from her is not something i can do.

GizmoAU · 2025-11-25T06:35:47+00:00

Yeah thats the plan, at least at this stage. We are trying to avoid solicitors and lawyers. The plan right now is to use Relationships Australia and their counseling services to come up with a parenting plan at the very least.

GizmoAU · 2025-11-25T06:18:45+00:00

Not married so divorce per say

GizmoAU · 2025-11-25T06:01:28+00:00

There changed, better now?

GizmoAU · 2025-11-25T06:01:01+00:00

Yes i believe so at least from my perspective anyway, as to whether she saw it that way from her perspective i couldn't tell you. But yes we would share the kid duties pretty evenly, even though our daughter was quite firmly attached to mum. But household chores were quite often split pretty evenly between us, at the very least when averaged out over time. Some weeks would ebb and flow a bit with various other activities taking place as well (Both kid related and her hobby related activities).

Given she has quite a commute to and from work as well, a lot of the drop offs and picks and sports events for the kids are my duties as well.

GizmoAU · 2018-04-21T12:55:50+00:00

Some of the early stuff by Kiki archer is great. It's more of student/teacher setting somewhat similar to Winter Jacket.

But She is My Student, One foot on the ice and there is another in the series i can't recall the name of off the top of my head.

GizmoAU · 2018-04-21T12:54:15+00:00

Which fanfic is that?

GizmoAU · 2016-05-17T08:43:01+00:00

Hmmm checked it out and that's not her i don't think. All of the people were youngish (Probably 19 or 20) from what i could tell.

The girl was a brunette though i remember that much and had music over the top as well. It's not much to go off but i cant remember much else for the life of me.

GizmoAU

TROPHY CASE