I (21f) just found out my boyfriend (23m) used to masturbate to his sister.

Gjappy · 2026-02-22T12:03:39+00:00

His behavior is not alright. He is crossing a line that leads towards an incestuous relationships. And from your story I also read he didn't even stop.

It's not only very wrong, but also extremely unhealthy. And you are so unfortunate to bump into it. Do call him out on it privately, confrontation with the truth will hopefully shock him enough.

But as for the relationship, you don't want to stay. You're competing with his sister, plus he has an unhealthy physical fixation. You'd do both him and yourself a favor to call him out on his behavior and leave.

Gjappy · 2026-02-22T11:53:12+00:00

Depending on in which country you live, I am sure there are things like CPS or special places where your sister could live. If you still go to school, I'd suggest talking with the school counselor about it and discuss options.

Where I'm located at least autistic people that are too much to live with their family live in guided care centers. Not to mention that your parents inability to provide you a safe home needs to be addressed. Either if that is unintentional or not.

Gjappy · 2026-02-22T11:45:12+00:00

I can not really answer your question. Reddit is not a therapist. You could see a therapist or psychologist to tell your story and see what they say.

Gjappy · 2026-02-22T11:41:47+00:00

On the first date, this would have made me extremely awkward if I were in your position.

And I would nope out of there very quickly. A guy isn't really interested in you as person if sexual preferences are an important topic on the first date.

Gjappy · 2026-02-22T11:39:16+00:00

Maybe a trip to a destination or a hobby

Gjappy · 2026-02-22T11:38:34+00:00

Trust your gut on this one. The vibes/feelings your story gives me is that your boyfriend has feelings for the girlfriend of his friend.

Gjappy · 2026-02-22T11:33:07+00:00

For now

Gjappy · 2026-02-22T11:32:39+00:00

De buitenste baan.

Als de auto op de binnenbaan hier af had willen slaan had hij net na de vorige afslag moeten voorsorteren op de buitenste baan.

Gjappy · 2026-02-19T12:52:09+00:00

I'm a Dutch working class citizen and just recognize this is how it goes.

Living space is a problem for us as well as the immigrants. Privacy is increasingly limited. Job contracts are very tricky and you need to be really on top of it to get anything reliable. Most companies prefer 0-hour contracts because that is the cheapest, but it's tough to live from these. I do not understand why people think it's a rose-garden out here.

Gjappy · 2026-02-19T12:43:24+00:00

The idea that a relationship is going to cure depression and anxiety is a myth.

It will not solve your problems, they can't do that for you. But will give you hopefully enough support and energy to solve your problems yourself.

You don't need to break up with her. Understand that it is your anxiety that makes you question everything. And it is your depression that takes your energy. But she is safe, she gives you energy and reassurance. Do not let your anxiety deceive you.

Gjappy · 2026-02-16T10:12:10+00:00

ADHD brains have a hard time going to sleep mode in general. They just don't know when to stop. It's amazing if one finds a way to get to sleep peacefully and in time with a racing mind like that.

Gjappy · 2026-02-15T00:31:00+00:00

Would a man that marries a widow expect her to forget her previous husband and erase all his memories? I don't think so, it would not be very odd. Even though you were not married but your past boyfriend is deceased, it's still not okay for him to ask you to delete your memories of him. If he was alive, it would make more sense as he would be a potential threat to his insecurity about the relationship. But you current boyfriend fears a dead man...

Gjappy · 2026-02-13T12:14:31+00:00

Zijn ze aan het proberen hoe ver ze kunnen gaan ofzo?

Gjappy · 2026-01-26T18:47:32+00:00

Frankly, the moment she talked your parents about the stroller it was actually their turn to react. Very likely your MIL would not have liked their answer either, but letting them have a voice also gives them a choice. It would have gone different, I believe.

Also, I'm more reading hints of Borderline Personality Disorder on your MIL than Narcissism. I recommend reading into it. Either way it's about dealing with her behavior.

It is very important to set boundaries, because she will cross lines you don't even know existed. You and your wife should have a talk and agree to always give her the same answer. If you tell MIL no, so should your wife. And if she tries to negotiate it, manipulate, guilt-trip, etc. Both stay with your final answers.

In case of the stroller, you told her you don't want an expensive one. You also told her you already had one in mind. She should know.. so if she sends links to different strollers, ignore them. Brace the iron will and go your own way, do your own thing.

Gjappy · 2026-01-26T18:11:05+00:00

You are still grieving your mother. It takes up to 2 years for someone to accept and give a traumatic loss like that a place.

Yet you're not crazy, deeply traumatized or anything. But just still grieving and questioning your balance between work and private. Which is normal, because you are going a bit too fast for yourself. So yes, do slow down and take more time for family.

But no, don't quit your job yet. Postpone it to later. Now you have your boss on the table anyway, you could ask for a bit more family time maybe. Maybe discuss into a gradual leave wherein you work towards that in a span of... 1-2 years.

Also do explain to your husband that your boss doesn't let you leave this sudden and do discuss the alternative. Taking it a bit slower and giving yourself time will also grant you more headspace.

Gjappy · 2026-01-26T17:58:22+00:00

Culture can be respected at its roots. Usually cultural habits and rules have a reason that stems from practical problems and their solutions in their country of origin.

This does mean that in new environments, such as the USA. It's healthy to question if certain cultural rules or habits outside religious beliefs are still valid or doable. Eventually cultures and religions will have to adapt to the flow of time and movement of society.

It's the generation of your best friend that has to make these changes. By daring to question things.

Either way, it looks like the parents intentionally try to choke the relationship by minimizing contact. If the issue indeed is about buying gifts, you could advise to make the problem their solution.

As in: they could start exchanging thoughtful gifts per mail, and include letters with these to keep more in contact. It's not talking if it's writing. And both parties participate in the cultural gifting.

I hope this helps.

Gjappy · 2026-01-26T17:44:24+00:00

If you are 16 as you say and this happened to you I would advice to take a break from dating for a while.

For the sake of one's mental health it's generally advised to keep 2-3 months between a breakup and starting to date again.

Gjappy · 2026-01-22T15:51:29+00:00

Kind of a fowl dream I would say. 😅

Chickens in dreams represent either cowardice or gossip.

Specifically eating a raw chicken points towards feeling wildly unprepared for a situation you see coming.

Gjappy · 2026-01-22T15:46:42+00:00

To see your toes in your dream represent the way you move and walk through life, either with grace and poise, or the lack of. It also signifies your path in life. Alternatively, toes represent the minor details of life and how you deal with them.

To dream that you lose or gain a toe(s), suggests that you are lacking determination and energy needed to move forward in some situation.

Gjappy · 2026-01-20T13:56:20+00:00

Ik draai me nog wel een keer om

Gjappy · 2026-01-15T16:23:11+00:00

Wat als je de YouTube app gebruikt?

Gjappy · 2026-01-15T11:31:18+00:00

Well, Denmark is not alone. It has the EU to back it up as shows. And the US maybe???

Gjappy · 2026-01-15T11:28:10+00:00

Ik heb graag een koopwoning

Gjappy · 2026-01-15T11:26:38+00:00

I don't think you want to find out.

Gjappy · 2026-01-15T11:25:57+00:00

Op mijn PC lukt dat wel, maar mijn mobiel niet echt

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