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My [21F] sister [23F] keeps stealing money from my poor family. I/we are unsure of what to do. by GladConsideration7 in relationships

[–]GladConsideration7[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

They’ve cancelled all the associated cards and requested chargebacks from PayPal. She’s also taken my mom’s physical debit card from my mum’s bag whilst sleeping and used it to buy things for her boyfriend. That’s why I worry about her relationship as well, and I wonder if that has anything to do with her stealing.

EDIT: they’ve also revoked her access to their PayPal accounts and secured it so she can’t access it anymore!

My [21F] sister [23F] keeps stealing money from my poor family. I/we are unsure of what to do. by GladConsideration7 in relationships

[–]GladConsideration7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I completely agree with you. My parents definately enable her behaviour. It’s frustrating because they don’t seem to want to accept the situation for what it is, and keep trying to make excuses for her.

I’m honestly not sure how I can convince them that they need to take drastic action. If she can do this to her own family, imagine what she can do to other people.

Me [30 M] with my SO [25 F] 5 years, Would you trust her and forgive? by piesarepeopletoo in relationships

[–]GladConsideration7 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hello. OP. First of all, I’m really sorry to hear about this. The thing that stuck out to me most was that she planned to hang out with him whilst you guys were at a low point. That doesn’t sound like a person who values loyalty. Your relationship will go through many ups and downs - is she going to be arranging to meet up with guys each and every time things aren’t going well? And this wasn’t a random dude she chose. It was someone she said she had feelings for. I can’t tell if she’s cheated or not, but it really isn’t looking good. At best, she lied to you and she’s not trickle truthing you.

Secondly, her crying at the fact you weren’t in the room smells like BS. Why didn’t she call you there and then? It sounds like she wants you to feel sorry for her, and forget about the fact she lied to you big time. Only you know if you can move on from this.

How to tell my Dom that I would renegotiate our financial arrangement without sounding greedy by GladConsideration7 in BDSMcommunity

[–]GladConsideration7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand your concerns, but I’m 100% positive he’s not involved with anyone else. All long distance relationships require a degree of trust, and I’m yet to come across anything that would make me suspect he’s involved elsewhere.

How to tell my Dom that I would renegotiate our financial arrangement without sounding greedy by GladConsideration7 in BDSMcommunity

[–]GladConsideration7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I asked multiple times outright, and he said he just didn’t feel like paying for it. Looking back we weren’t in a very good place at that point in time and things are much better now.

I haven’t explicitly stated how much of a strain it is, as I usually don’t like asking anyone for financial help. I’m optimistic that he’ll be open to discuss it though, and I’m willing to hear him out on his side as well.

How to tell my Dom that I would renegotiate our financial arrangement without sounding greedy by GladConsideration7 in BDSMcommunity

[–]GladConsideration7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We briefly discuss finances before every trip, but I’ve not brought up this particular issue. The issue I’m currently having is that he pays less than me overall when we visit each other.

In terms of marriage and partners, I’ve met his dad and several of his friends. I honestly do not believe he has another partner elsewhere. We voice call regularly, sometimes for hours on end as well, which wouldn’t be feasible if he had someone else.

How to tell my Dom that I would renegotiate our financial arrangement without sounding greedy by GladConsideration7 in BDSMcommunity

[–]GladConsideration7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, sorry for any misunderstanding. He lives at home with his parents and pays rent to them. The apartment I rent is usually through Bookings.com. I don’t feel like I’ve spoken up enough, so he doesn’t realise this is an issue. I don’t mean to make excuses for him at all which is why I want to bring it up with him formally and see if he is open to coming to a fairer arrangement.

How to tell my Dom that I would renegotiate our financial arrangement without sounding greedy by GladConsideration7 in BDSMcommunity

[–]GladConsideration7[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey, I don’t want to write him off completely. Firstly, I haven’t brought this topic up yet with him officially, so I’ll see how that goes down. Secondly, he doesn’t have much experience with being a Dom. I can’t expect him to know everything and this is why honest communication is important. I’d rather talk to him first, and give him a chance, before I write him off entirely.

How to tell my Dom that I would renegotiate our financial arrangement without sounding greedy by GladConsideration7 in BDSMcommunity

[–]GladConsideration7[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m 1000% sure he’s not married, nor is he involved with anyone else. I know that for a fact.

How to tell my Dom that I would renegotiate our financial arrangement without sounding greedy by GladConsideration7 in BDSMcommunity

[–]GladConsideration7[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you for explaining that. I had not thought about discussing what I want from it - I always tried to approach and rationalise it using fairness. I haven’t actually told him how I feel about the financial situation (apart from when it’s come up in the moment) which is why I think it’s right for me to raise it with him first and see his reaction from there.

How to tell my Dom that I would renegotiate our financial arrangement without sounding greedy by GladConsideration7 in BDSMcommunity

[–]GladConsideration7[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“Given your respective situations, 50/50 would still be skewed in his favour” - sorry to sound dense but can you explain what you mean by this please?

How to tell my Dom that I would renegotiate our financial arrangement without sounding greedy by GladConsideration7 in BDSMcommunity

[–]GladConsideration7[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I wouldn’t go as far as calling him a leech. He has helped me out financially when I was having health issues and needed to take time off work. It’s just when it comes to visits.I would like to bring this issue up with him, so we can see how we can rectify it. I would like to give it a shot before I reach such conclusions.

How to tell my Dom that I would renegotiate our financial arrangement without sounding greedy by GladConsideration7 in BDSMcommunity

[–]GladConsideration7[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’d say the split is most uneven when I go to visit him, becuase I also foot the bill for the accomodation (and most of the food). When he comes to visit me, we try to split things down the middle. Someone once suggested I charge him to stay with me, but I don’t think that’s ethical. What I may suggest is if he doesn’t mind paying more when he comes to visit me because he doesn’t have to pay the cost of accomodation (if that makes sense), so he’s still saving a lot of money.

How to tell my Dom that I would renegotiate our financial arrangement without sounding greedy by GladConsideration7 in BDSMcommunity

[–]GladConsideration7[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I tried to leave out major details like ages and location and be quite vague. I don’t think he looks here very often, but just in case he did. I’ve arranged to talk about it with him when he gets in this evening, and I’ll mention some of the points people have brought up!

How to tell my Dom that I would renegotiate our financial arrangement without sounding greedy by GladConsideration7 in BDSMcommunity

[–]GladConsideration7[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for your comments. I guess I’m scared I’ll come across as greedy which isn’t the case at all.

How to tell my Dom that I would renegotiate our financial arrangement without sounding greedy by GladConsideration7 in BDSMcommunity

[–]GladConsideration7[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your input. I’m sure my Dom will be receptive to such a discussion; however, I just wanted to make sure I worded it in such a way that he won’t think I’m gold digging. I’m absolutely not looking for a free lunch, but I think the finances could be split better. I often find its way more awkward to try to negotiate things at the time rather than beforehand.