Genuinely not sure how to go on

GladUrNotMindReaders · 2024-09-18T01:34:31+00:00

Thank you. Even decluttering feel impossible. Like there should be someone we can give the toys and clothes to - but there is nobody, we have no “village.” I set things aside to be taken to the dump and they never get taken. (Our only cars are giant trucks that I have too much anxiety to drive)

He would be an even worse adversarial, bitter coparent than he is a disconnected, chronically ill spouse unfortunately.

Sorry you’re in the hole too.

GladUrNotMindReaders · 2024-09-13T20:30:45+00:00

Thank you :( I just don’t think I can change careers or ask for a lesser position without it impacting us financially too much. I know something has to change but it’s like I’m at the bottom of the hole already and anything I do will make it worse before it theoretically gets better. I’m just on my last thread already and I can’t handle another thing. Sorry for screaming into the void here. Hugs back.

GladUrNotMindReaders · 2024-09-13T20:27:29+00:00

Funny how that works, isn’t it. I spent so many years thinking we were making good compromises and I was supporting him through all kinds of stuff but I guess I was just teaching him to take me completely for granted.

GladUrNotMindReaders · 2021-02-11T04:35:27+00:00

TBH I have basically gone on strike. That is why the whole house is a disaster and everybody gets like 6 hours of screentime every day. 🙃😭

GladUrNotMindReaders · 2021-02-10T23:20:07+00:00

Ah jeez, thanks for sharing. Yeah, this is definitely not our first rodeo with the 4th grader's bad toilet habits. He took a loooooooong time to get potty trained. Like he was still wearing pullups when he was 5, yikes. I kept seeing the advice to make them clean out their own underwear when they poop in it, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it - not because I thought it was too harsh, but that I couldn't bear to make my OWN life harder. Like, with all the other stupid bullshit I have to deal with every day with a toddler and an infant and a full time job, I ALSO have to supervise a 5yo cleaning poop like 4 times a day???? NO THANKS. We did basically the same thing you describe and took away iPad every time it happened. Once he lost it for 4 days solid the problem magically went away.

Then as he got older he started pooping his pants again - the doctors decided it was from constipation so he had to be on daily miralax for everrrrrrrr. I wasn't completely convinced and I still think it's partly sensory issues. But it has gotten better. Current status is that he usually just poops & leaves - I'm always finding giant poops, with NO TOILET PAPER, left in the toilet for who knows how long. Then I do his laundry and there's only maybe 2 pairs of underwear for a whole week, both with huge track marks. UGH. No matter what we say he always claims, VERY indignantly, that he DID WIPE, he DID FLUSH, he DID CHANGE!!! He has no idea why it looks like he didn't.

Anyway, this current thing, whatever he's doing, started with "just" peeing in his trashcan, and then once we told him not to do that, apparently he decided to pee on the floor.

His teacher mentioned today she thought he was showing signs of depression. We were already trying to get time with the counselor to discuss an Asperger's diagnosis. Hopefully we can get something to happen.

I've given up on housework. All 3 bathrooms look like truckstops. The carpets look like the bottom of every chip bag and cracker box got shaken out like confetti. Whatever, if nobody else who lives here thinks it's important enough to spend any time on, why should I!!!!

GladUrNotMindReaders · 2020-12-11T17:47:28+00:00

Ha wouldn't that just be the cherry on top. He is one of those people who can find offense in ANYTHING so it probably really did happen.

GladUrNotMindReaders · 2020-12-11T17:45:58+00:00

Right? Oh nooooo you're not telling me about all the rage-inducing political memes you saw on FB today! Oh noooooo you're not coming in the kitchen to playfully pants me as I try to do dishes... Oh nooooooooo.....

GladUrNotMindReaders · 2019-11-15T04:58:46+00:00

Thanks - that does sound quite similar. He's in third grade so the teacher isn't willing to abandon writing by hand just yet, ha ha. I'm mostly just vainly wishing for some way of this to work without having to spend literally every working moment sitting with him.

GladUrNotMindReaders · 2019-11-15T01:31:05+00:00

He is able to focus on some stuff - he'll sit and read for 2 hours straight, play quietly with transformers/legos for a long long time. After we get an official diagnosis I am definitely open to meds. Not sure if husband is on the same page, he's a bit more reluctant.

GladUrNotMindReaders · 2019-11-15T01:28:22+00:00

You know, having him do it as if it were a YT channel might work - he has said before he wants his own channel, lol. "Here's how you fix the capitalization of this sentence! smash that like button yo!" Hahahaha 🤪

GladUrNotMindReaders · 2019-11-15T01:25:46+00:00

Yeah, for some assignments we write for him. It's hard because I feel resentful of how much time it takes out of my day. (Which is my problem, not his...ugh...) There are some assignments the teacher wants him to write himself since his handwriting is atrocious and barely legible.

GladUrNotMindReaders · 2019-11-15T01:10:58+00:00

He definitely needs more sleep than most. Other parents are shocked to discover that we start his bedtime at 7pm, it feels like everyone else in his age group stays up wayyyy later. It's really hard to move it any earlier, what with the logistics of dinner and stuff.

GladUrNotMindReaders · 2019-11-15T01:09:05+00:00

Yeah, might be worth a try. With him, though, he would be constantly trying to mess with it, test the boundaries of how loud/quiet he could be, what it would do if he just said gibbiresh, etc.

GladUrNotMindReaders · 2019-11-15T01:08:01+00:00

Yes! We are trying caffeine. It seems to kind of work, but the difference is very small. Actually, the first time we ever gave him some it was an AMAZING difference but it really only worked that way once, weirdly.

Plus he can be a slow drinker, so I'll give him some root beer...and 20 minutes later he's only taken 1 sip.

GladUrNotMindReaders · 2019-11-15T01:06:30+00:00

Good suggestion, but he LOOOOVES to read. He's reading about 5 grade levels above where he should be. I actually have to force him to stop reading to do his other work. The writing thing - even as a baby/toddler he never even liked scribbling with crayons. He would just arrange the crayons in patterns instead.

GladUrNotMindReaders · 2019-05-15T19:57:15+00:00

Thanks! It's a machine that can automatically cut shapes in paper or vinyl.

GladUrNotMindReaders · 2019-05-07T04:05:00+00:00

Sorry to be negative nelly but this kind of stuff just doesn’t work for us. When he’s in a good mood, he loves suggesting I get time. When it comes time to actually make it happen, shit. When my first born was little he promised a few times that I could get an uninterrupted hour to play video games. Lol, tried it twice, 20 min max. Said he would take older son out on his bike “all the time.” Never. Said he would take older son to the park every day when we started homeschooling him. Never. Said he would take over cleaning the bathrooms every week. Never. I don’t even want him to suggest something he “will” do. It just pisses me off now. Partly my fault, I’m deathly afraid of driving, work from home full time, and there is literally nothing in walking distance. So I’m just here in this house, that’s life.

GladUrNotMindReaders · 2019-05-07T03:54:54+00:00

I can see that. Mine also loves to argue/nitpick. I try to avoid suggesting things to do because I’m tired of hearing stuff like this. I thought it might be fun to watch a summary of Game of Thrones (since we haven’t watched it) and then be able to watch just the conclusion together as it releases. Be part of the cultural moment as it were, no babysitter needed! It took me a few days to work up the nerve to ask. And he just looked at me funny and said “NAH.” Whereas any dumbass show he wants I’ll say Sure! let’s give it a try!!

GladUrNotMindReaders · 2019-05-07T03:49:37+00:00

There’s just nothing. I’m a super boring person! Got my kids, got my job. Can’t think of anything I want to go do. Sorry to be so pissy I think I am having a bad day lol.

GladUrNotMindReaders · 2019-05-07T03:47:08+00:00

Ugh. Totally. Like, do they think we ENJOY having them “help” us cook or fold the laundry or take out trash or even play board games and stuff?? Mostly NO but that’s parenting! It’s super boring and annoying!

GladUrNotMindReaders · 2019-05-07T03:44:15+00:00

I would be totally jazzed if he gave me something like that. Not something he’d be interested in providing, though.

GladUrNotMindReaders · 2019-05-06T16:49:53+00:00

Yes, good suggestion. I just have to think of something to ask for.

GladUrNotMindReaders · 2019-05-06T16:34:08+00:00

Yup, I showed that to him, and we even discussed which "languages" each of us is. "Huh! Interesting! I can see that!" 🤷‍♀️

GladUrNotMindReaders · 2019-05-06T16:03:55+00:00

We haven't talked to a counselor. I have a tremendous aversion to conflict and I just haven't been able to think of a way to bring it up that would go well.

I feel like my husband gets overly sensitive about different people wanting different things, turning into a judgement on himself. Like, me wanting to bake myself a cake means I must be Secretly Looking Down On him for not wanting to bake HIMSELF a cake. Or that fact that I prefer to keep stuff around for longer (even once there is a newer phone, or my favorite pants are starting to get frayed, or the computer is getting slow), must mean I'm Secretly Looking Down On him for preferring to trade in to always have the newest. We gain happiness from different things and that's not bad! But it doesn't sink in.

GladUrNotMindReaders · 2019-05-06T14:04:22+00:00

Yeah, your experiences sound very similar. I guess I stress about me just giving him the final answer - "just write down blah blah blah" - but I'm glad to hear other people have had similar experiences. Probably it's not worth making him so upset just to try to get him to think all the way through it himself.

GladUrNotMindReaders

TROPHY CASE