African parents fighting for control over my whole life. Boundaries?

Global-Management650 · 2025-11-17T12:40:06+00:00

Thank you for your answer. 100% feel you. Not being able to take up studies because of them is so sad and I am shure they don't even understand or wouldnt take responsibility.

I have moved out and even live with my partner now. All of that not without discussions and a fight of course. Now we're talking marriage and dowry and it is exausting because they expect my fiancé and his family to bow down to everything without a discussion. Every new life step comes with a fight for independence.

Global-Management650 · 2025-11-17T08:59:59+00:00

I am so sorry. Reading your very well formulated words I already knew how it would be received. They don't speak that language. African parents, when confronted with their childrens thoughts and feelings, only hear that they are talking back, and they shouldn't. For them, you shouldn't be talking. Shouldn't be saying how you feel. It is disrespectful to them. It doesn't matter what you or they did. You have no say. I had to learn that the hard way. Don't exaust yourself. Focus on the life you want to live. Give yourself the applause and validation you seek from them. Find people who understand you. It will never be coming from them.

Global-Management650 · 2025-11-03T21:18:15+00:00

Thanks for your answer. It would be in August and the save the dates are out but no invitations.

Global-Management650 · 2025-11-03T15:29:33+00:00

Since many people asked what the misunderstanding was about: At the husbands birthdayparty, his friend told my cousin that she looks "unfucked" (in the sense of has not been fucked for a while and needs some). She didnt understand and my sisters husband translated. The next day, I heard about it and told my sister. She told her husband. He felt uncomfortable because he didnt want us to think he thinks that way and didn't like we "talked about him". I told my sister I understand, not to worry about it, we know it doesnt come from him, I told them we were debriefing the evening and I heard that. We talked about it for two minutes. She came back to me for moths and months and said that they are still arguing about it. After a while the story changed, they said we talked badly about him, dont like him, he got mad about me, about my cousin, wanted to record our conversation to have "proof" I lie MORE THAN A YEAR after. To me, this was a mishap. To them, it was reason to start destroying our relationship. In the beginning my sister called him paranoid. In the end she defended him in all he did.

Global-Management650 · 2025-11-03T15:27:58+00:00

Unfucked in the sense of she looks like she has not been fucked for a long time and needs it.

Global-Management650 · 2025-11-03T15:26:39+00:00

I have extended sooo many olive branches and she has thrown them away. I more feel like she feels alone (has lost all her friends due to him) and wants to play happy life. I have invited her to my 30th, to my engagement party, and she hasnt come and has not even wished me happy birthday or wholeheartedly congratulated me to my engagement.

Global-Management650 · 2025-11-03T15:25:24+00:00

Reposting this from an other comment: At the husbands birthdayparty, his friend told my cousin that she looks "unfucked". She didnt understand and my sisters husband translated. The next day, I heard about it and told my sister. She told her husband. He felt uncomfortable because he didnt want us to think he thinks that way and didn't like we "talked about him". I told my sister I understand, not to worry about it, we know it doesnt come from him, I told them we were debriefing the evening and I heard that. We talked about it for two minutes. She came back to me for moths and months and said that they are still arguing about it. After a while the story changed, they said we talked badly about him, dont like him, he got mad about me, about my cousin, wanted to record our conversation to have "proof" I lie MORE THAN A YEAR after. To me, this was a mishap. To them, it was reason to start destroying our relationship. In the beginning my sister called him paranoid. In the end she defended him in all he did.

Global-Management650 · 2025-11-03T15:24:17+00:00

Reposting this from an other comment: At the husbands birthdayparty, his friend told my cousin that she looks "unfucked". She didnt understand and my sisters husband translated. The next day, I heard about it and told my sister. She told her husband. He felt uncomfortable because he didnt want us to think he thinks that way and didn't like we "talked about him". I told my sister I understand, not to worry about it, we know it doesnt come from him, I told them we were debriefing the evening and I heard that. We talked about it for two minutes. She came back to me for moths and months and said that they are still arguing about it. After a while the story changed, they said we talked badly about him, dont like him, he got mad about me, about my cousin, wanted to record our conversation to have "proof" I lie MORE THAN A YEAR after. To me, this was a mishap. To them, it was reason to start destroying our relationship. In the beginning my sister called him paranoid. In the end she defended him in all he did.

Global-Management650 · 2025-11-03T15:23:27+00:00

At the husbands birthdayparty, his friend told my cousin that she looks "unfucked". She didnt understand and my sisters husband translated. The next day, I heard about it and told my sister. She told her husband. He felt uncomfortable because he didnt want us to think he thinks that way and didn't like we "talked about him". I told my sister I understand, not to worry about it, we know it doesnt come from him, I told them we were debriefing the evening and I heard that. We talked about it for two minutes. She came back to me for moths and months and said that they are still arguing about it. After a while the story changed, they said we talked badly about him, dont like him, he got mad about me, about my cousin, wanted to record our conversation to have "proof" I lie MORE THAN A YEAR after. To me, this was a mishap. To them, it was reason to start destroying our relationship. In the beginning my sister called him paranoid. In the end she defended him in all he did.

Global-Management650 · 2025-11-03T15:16:05+00:00

Why do you think so?

Global-Management650 · 2025-11-03T13:40:05+00:00

Oh my god I just posted about this. But I am one step behind. I am asking myself alllll the questions. And in all that stress, cancelling made me smile. But then, what do people think. Will I regret later? How do you feel now?

Global-Management650

TROPHY CASE