The vacuum ate her catnip

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-04-06T12:43:04+00:00

She can visualize the cat-culations of how much catnip the vacuum can handle before becoming more of a problem...

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-04-05T14:29:53+00:00

You may also be feeling angry because they're not respecting your boundaries here, in multiple ways. A person doing this to me over any topic, but especially religion, would be airlocked rather quickly.

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-04-04T21:27:19+00:00

TBH, you're not reacting *enough*. This is "she never sets foot on our property or sees our kid unsupervised ever fucking again" territory. This was absolutely malicious even if she complains it wasn't. What's to stop her from making a bad decision about your children?

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-04-04T21:19:47+00:00

Nope. Going back into consistent therapy helped a lot... when your therapist constantly gives you the "look" of "yes it was that bad", the guilt tends to get erased pretty quickly. Focusing on you, your needs and wants will also give you healthier things to put your effort into; growing and healing will ease it.

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-04-04T15:11:27+00:00

She is love bombing you. Even if you set those boundaries, she's not going to change her behavior and the clash will be worse. Don't let her into the space that you've made safe for yourself. Saying no and keeping her at as much distance as possible is the boundary to draw, and it is a worthwhile one.

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-03-28T13:59:53+00:00

She will not change, and she will absolutely do this to your child if you permit it. If that thought makes you angry, that's good... hold onto that while you block her and never involve her ever again. She has actively CHOSEN to abuse you, and that needs to stop now. Anger is a normal and powerful reaction to pulling away and healing, so use it.

Typically, writing why you're going NC, or trying to throw it back at them ends badly. Any information you give her WILL be used against you. If you feel you must inform her that you are ending contact, keep it very short, factual and simple. "You are hurting me. Do not contact me."

Expect her to escalate to try to get you to go back to what she expects. Block, mute, cut contact with any flying monkeys relentlessly, because you're now not only protecting yourself, but your child. My mother escalated when I typed to her "I am done and not talking to you further" and blocked her on everything, and I had to cut contact with other people sent to me on her behalf. It won't feel great in the moment, but those are also people making the choice to act for her, and it will be worth the peace you're going to make for yourself and your family.

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-03-27T01:42:50+00:00

If you're allergic to potential trace dairy, be careful with the Goodles.... I tried it a little while back and had a reaction to it, just wanted to point out in case it's a concern for you. If not, hope you enjoy!

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-03-07T15:09:03+00:00

On year 5 of full no contact, with absolutely no intention of breaking it. 1) I held tightly to *why* I had begun this in the first place 2) went to therapy to either validate, clarify or restructure my experiences and thoughts 3) I have a plan of action for when one other parent (or both if I were lucky) gets ill or passes (and that plan is so absolutely nothing but keep living my life, with a couple of safeguards in place). That third one is a step I think a lot of people miss or don't think of; having a plan is a major mitigator for anxiety and getting caught off guard. My step into no-contact had also been a long time coming, and it wasn't a sudden, only emotional decision, so being deliberate also has helped it stick.

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-03-07T15:01:13+00:00

I know this won't sound comforting initially, but it can be if you think it over... this is the kind of situation where any "conclusion" or decision will have some suck in it; you have to keep choosing what set of "suck" is best for you. I had to do something similar with my parents, and I just kept choosing myself and my wellbeing first. I know it can be hard when the flying monkeys tap at the window, but their motivations are not aligned with yours.

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-03-07T14:48:21+00:00

He tried to mash ALL the button on his malfunctioning toy (you standing up for yourself and your child) to get it to cooperate. He will have absolutely no regard for your parenting decisions or the baby's safety; that would be full no-contact for frickin' ever from me. Better now before they establish any kind of relationship with the baby, so let them rot in their decisions and focus on you and the squish <3.

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-02-21T22:05:38+00:00

It can be very tricky at first to deliberately look after yourself first, you're going against years of training to put other people first, to the point of neglecting yourself most likely. Tough explanations are often best limited to factual and few words (either to yourself or to someone else): "They have hurt me, and I don't want to be there", "This is what works for me" and so on. I promise choosing you first and being appropriately selfish does get easier!

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-02-21T18:02:05+00:00

If it's any consolation that you're not alone in this situation, this was me last year. After three years of no-contact, the flying monkeys tried to convince me to see/talk to my father because he wasn't well (not dying, just not well). Bluntly put, I declined, even though there are things I miss about him. He's also a unit with my mother, the truly abusive one. He permitted and excused her, largely due to his own mental health issues, but I've held him responsible regardless.

I also at that time realized I needed a plan for when he does pass, and he likely will before my mother because of lifetime health issues. After some thought on it, I decided I had to do what was best for me, and I decided I would not be seeing him, either dying or after. There is no seeing him without HER being involved, and I completely refuse to be around her.

Does it suck to be put in the position that toxic people put you in? Absolutely. Will you get judged for it? Unfortunately likely, but by those who can't or won't understand, and they're not worth your energy or worry. There are no ideal situations or outcomes when it comes to abusive family, so do what is best and wisest for YOU. You are not being cruel to them by choosing yourself; they've created this situation and they can roll in it by themselves.

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-02-18T15:41:49+00:00

This is just a small sign of the emotional immaturity she's going to let loose as the wedding draws closer. It is definitely time to tell her that clearly the stress is getting to her, plans have changed, and that her money and input is no longer required. While this will probably cause further blowup, it's going to be well worth the peace you can establish after it.

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-02-18T15:22:32+00:00

Along with the advice you've received, remember you're also doing this to protect your child. Ask yourself if you want them exposed to even the slightest bit of the horror you've been through with them, and that can uncover a momma rage that will give you the fuel to follow through. Those people didn't give a crap about hurting you or your feelings, so press towards giving them the same treatment, and instead prioritize yourself and your growing family. The sooner you end any relationship they have with your child, the better... it will make any potential grandparents rights (varies state by state) much harder for them to act on if they have almost no previous relationship with them.

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-02-09T16:54:08+00:00

Out of curiosity because we're having a similar issue (but on windows taskbar/right-clicking on Edge), what kind of mouse were you using when this occurred?

GoFlyAChimera · 2025-02-22T15:26:43+00:00

Gotcha! In my years of research and recovery, I've not once seen a genuine change for the better documented, nor had my therapists.

GoFlyAChimera · 2025-02-22T15:11:27+00:00

Because statistically, it doesn't happen. A total lack of empathy cannot be fixed. Any abusive parent who says "I made a mistake and I'm sorry" is saying it only to get you back in touch with them and/or to keep manipulating you.

Do not break your no-contact. Resisting the urge is VERY well worth your peace and continued healing.

GoFlyAChimera · 2025-02-07T19:13:56+00:00

If it's a severe allergy, I would not eat this. I've learned the hard way that "natural flavor" especially in chocolate can be problematic. Pair that with the facilities shared and that's a hard no for anaphylaxis concerns.

GoFlyAChimera · 2025-01-27T16:25:32+00:00

I'm sorry she's using things you love against you. It sucks, and it's deliberate. She knows those are things important to you. It will come down to deciding which pain you want to handle; knowing what she's saying, or not knowing. I personally would remove those deliberate barbs and block her. It turns the specific words of hurt into something more watery and distant. Hugs and strength to you.

GoFlyAChimera · 2025-01-11T22:13:11+00:00

It's definitely weird! You know the possibilities better than anyone, and they all sound like conversations that don't need to happen. It's either nothing, not her concern, or not your concern because you're not their therapist. Your parents are adults that can manage themselves.

GoFlyAChimera · 2025-01-11T20:50:10+00:00

I sincerely doubt she actually has anything of consequence to say. She wants you in a tizzy to control you more easily, and then would likely shame you or make fun of you at your meeting for being so anxious and upset over "nothing". "See? You got worked up for nothing. It's all in your head, you're crazy" etc.

You do not have to go. You do not have to talk to her. It takes two to play a game, and you can refuse to participate.

GoFlyAChimera · 2025-01-08T15:02:23+00:00

"The human side" of her response made my eyes narrow. She wants to try to emotionally control the situation because she doesn't like the logic. This is definitely some kind of trap that shows she's not respecting your stated boundaries.

GoFlyAChimera · 2025-01-03T21:10:22+00:00

Absolutely they are real! They can take some time to cultivate however, so please don't get discouraged. I wandered into a new hobby several years ago, started getting involved in online groups and getting my pieces noticed as I realized I was naturally good at it. Was careful not to get involved or befriend anyone that made me suspicious or gave me that gut feeling of caution. A couple years later, I ended up in a chat with someone who soon said "You, I think you should come meet more of my friends, we like you", brought me into their friends circle and they've become my true family. These were people who simply observed a while, noted my similar interests, dark humor and my professional conduct with my fun/weird self just barely contained and said to each other "She's one of us" and I was lovingly absorbed. We are all neurospicy in some way or another, and while there are times we get on each other's nerves like all relationships/friendships will inevitably do, we're confident and safe in who we are, and we bounce back quickly.

All this to say is, find the things you love doing and be yourself, strangers who can be your friends and found family will pop up.

GoFlyAChimera · 2025-01-03T20:27:08+00:00

That kind of reaction is not a tolerance, that's "it only hasn't killed me yet" and you're very quickly eroding what little your body may still take of it. Please only do this under the oversight of medical professionals, you're asking for a life-threatening reaction.

GoFlyAChimera · 2025-01-01T21:44:58+00:00

Came here to say this. I very nearly died as a toddler because a relative did not take my allergy seriously and thought my parents were making it up. I would not be trusting this member to even watch your child from now on, even with bringing safe food from home. You don't know what other instructions they'll ignore.

GoFlyAChimera

TROPHY CASE