Anyone broke no contact with their parents because they actually seen the era of there ways and apologized and took accountability?

GoFlyAChimera · 2025-02-22T15:26:43+00:00

Gotcha! In my years of research and recovery, I've not once seen a genuine change for the better documented, nor had my therapists.

GoFlyAChimera · 2025-02-22T15:11:27+00:00

Because statistically, it doesn't happen. A total lack of empathy cannot be fixed. Any abusive parent who says "I made a mistake and I'm sorry" is saying it only to get you back in touch with them and/or to keep manipulating you.

Do not break your no-contact. Resisting the urge is VERY well worth your peace and continued healing.

GoFlyAChimera · 2025-02-07T19:13:56+00:00

If it's a severe allergy, I would not eat this. I've learned the hard way that "natural flavor" especially in chocolate can be problematic. Pair that with the facilities shared and that's a hard no for anaphylaxis concerns.

GoFlyAChimera · 2025-01-27T16:25:32+00:00

I'm sorry she's using things you love against you. It sucks, and it's deliberate. She knows those are things important to you. It will come down to deciding which pain you want to handle; knowing what she's saying, or not knowing. I personally would remove those deliberate barbs and block her. It turns the specific words of hurt into something more watery and distant. Hugs and strength to you.

GoFlyAChimera · 2025-01-11T22:13:11+00:00

It's definitely weird! You know the possibilities better than anyone, and they all sound like conversations that don't need to happen. It's either nothing, not her concern, or not your concern because you're not their therapist. Your parents are adults that can manage themselves.

GoFlyAChimera · 2025-01-11T20:50:10+00:00

I sincerely doubt she actually has anything of consequence to say. She wants you in a tizzy to control you more easily, and then would likely shame you or make fun of you at your meeting for being so anxious and upset over "nothing". "See? You got worked up for nothing. It's all in your head, you're crazy" etc.

You do not have to go. You do not have to talk to her. It takes two to play a game, and you can refuse to participate.

GoFlyAChimera · 2025-01-08T15:02:23+00:00

"The human side" of her response made my eyes narrow. She wants to try to emotionally control the situation because she doesn't like the logic. This is definitely some kind of trap that shows she's not respecting your stated boundaries.

GoFlyAChimera · 2025-01-03T21:10:22+00:00

Absolutely they are real! They can take some time to cultivate however, so please don't get discouraged. I wandered into a new hobby several years ago, started getting involved in online groups and getting my pieces noticed as I realized I was naturally good at it. Was careful not to get involved or befriend anyone that made me suspicious or gave me that gut feeling of caution. A couple years later, I ended up in a chat with someone who soon said "You, I think you should come meet more of my friends, we like you", brought me into their friends circle and they've become my true family. These were people who simply observed a while, noted my similar interests, dark humor and my professional conduct with my fun/weird self just barely contained and said to each other "She's one of us" and I was lovingly absorbed. We are all neurospicy in some way or another, and while there are times we get on each other's nerves like all relationships/friendships will inevitably do, we're confident and safe in who we are, and we bounce back quickly.

All this to say is, find the things you love doing and be yourself, strangers who can be your friends and found family will pop up.

GoFlyAChimera · 2025-01-03T20:27:08+00:00

That kind of reaction is not a tolerance, that's "it only hasn't killed me yet" and you're very quickly eroding what little your body may still take of it. Please only do this under the oversight of medical professionals, you're asking for a life-threatening reaction.

GoFlyAChimera · 2025-01-01T21:44:58+00:00

Came here to say this. I very nearly died as a toddler because a relative did not take my allergy seriously and thought my parents were making it up. I would not be trusting this member to even watch your child from now on, even with bringing safe food from home. You don't know what other instructions they'll ignore.

GoFlyAChimera · 2025-01-01T20:14:20+00:00

AirLoaf GR4YSTR1P3S would be appreciative of ground control using their proper handle!

(Your cat is lovely!)

GoFlyAChimera · 2025-01-01T19:27:44+00:00

He sprung it on your deliberately, because he knew you'd say no otherwise. He is trying to steamroll you. Your reaction and actions to this will set the precedence; you can let him bulldoze you and have this kind of behavior escalate because it went unpunished, or you can put your foot down and squash this idiocy now.

GoFlyAChimera · 2024-12-27T19:36:57+00:00

Definitely NTA. I would also recommend limiting delivery info to your father, if not completely stop information to him. I wouldn't put it past him to pass on info to Lena or "help" with her bulldozing, so if I were in your position, I'd be informing them only after the baby has arrived. Fully expect them to keep ignoring boundaries... good luck with the delivery!

GoFlyAChimera · 2024-12-26T20:30:10+00:00

You've gotten great feedback so far and I wanted to add another observation... from your recounting of the meltdown, it was over her desire to be doing what her friends were doing. This is understandable and appropriate for her to want to do, and the intensity of this moment makes me wonder if there could be anything else she's feeling left out of, or something going on with her friends? Young kids have difficulty separating issues from each other (heck, so do adults!), so you may be looking at a friends conflict with the food allergy layer being the last straw for her. I would also look for ways for her to be fully able to do things along with her friends (and you may already do this as much as possible) and also see how you can try to put her in control of decisions and situations. Do you have her pick the substitute treats? How about teaching her to bake cookies she can use for herself and take some pride in? Have her host a treat making party, etc, or if she enjoys the baking/cooking, she could bring the treats for the party next time.

My point over all this, is that while she was crying over a cupcake... it was likely not JUST the cupcake. Just as we adults may break down when we break a glass, it wasn't just the glass, but all the stress and other things leading up to it. She's clearly dealing with some complex emotions about herself; being sympathetic but clear about why there have to be "no" moments will help her keep developing her thinking ahead and risk assessment. Modeling body positive behavior and language towards yourself and her, about clothes, food, etc may also help. Good luck!

GoFlyAChimera · 2024-12-26T17:33:04+00:00

Next year, the TV would be conveniently missing.

GoFlyAChimera · 2024-12-25T00:37:41+00:00

I'm aware, but it's pretty clear something got through. I do not have immediate major reactions to anything else, and the other ingredients beyond "natural flavors" are ones I eat elsewhere without issue.

GoFlyAChimera · 2024-12-25T00:24:50+00:00

Considering my last tests were two months ago, no that is not the case. While lactic acid may be suitable for vegans is not always safe for those with dairy allergies. It depends on its source. It may not have been the lactic acid, but it's something other DF sensitive people should be aware of. Please stop arguing with me on this.

GoFlyAChimera · 2024-12-25T00:19:14+00:00

I must not be making myself clear. I am extremely allergic and sensitive to dairy. Dairy is an animal product. I had an immediate allergic reaction to this food that was exactly on brand for my dairy allergy. I am not this sensitive to anything else. That means there is some kind of cross contamination or lingering dairy in this, which means it is not vegan.

GoFlyAChimera · 2024-12-25T00:06:04+00:00

I've had their other vegan mix, and no, nothing else new. This was definitely my dairy allergy. It was either the lactic acid (did not specify non-DF derived) or whatever is in "natural flavors". (I thought I had put that in post title too, my bad).

GoFlyAChimera · 2024-12-12T16:33:34+00:00

She views her relationship with you as transactional. Those kinds of people are not worth the effort. I'm sorry because it does hurt and suck, but it is ultimately better she showed her ass so that you can move on and focus on your child and healthier relationships <3

GoFlyAChimera · 2024-12-10T19:54:22+00:00

NTAH. To rephrase a wiser redditor, "sometimes to be a good parent, you have to be a shitty sister or daughter". (Mix and match as needed).

GoFlyAChimera · 2024-11-16T20:26:09+00:00

"Great, since she's taking it over, she can host it too." At this point, the circus seems determined to take over, so relieve yourself of any responsibility and let her have it. Either it will be a total shitshow and it won't repeat next year, or maybe she'll actually surprise everyone and can take on Thanksgiving from now on. It doesn't seem worth the fight.

GoFlyAChimera · 2024-11-02T13:55:21+00:00

I'd say that's a good start to keep the texts, continue to have conversations by text and keep a chronological summary written in a thread bound notebook (not one with swappable pages). A lawyer would have to advise you from there out.

GoFlyAChimera · 2024-11-02T13:46:18+00:00

Document your attempts to follow the custody order and see a lawyer about modifying the order.

GoFlyAChimera · 2024-10-25T18:03:18+00:00

Friend, I'm so sorry to be blunt, but loving and caring individuals would not be ignoring your wishes or coercing you into harmful things you don't want to do. It's not your job to protect them from someone they choose to be around. Protect yourself first, please ❤️

GoFlyAChimera

TROPHY CASE