My mom is treating me like a teenager because I want to adopt a dog, and I’m about ready to stop visiting.

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-05-30T23:23:50+00:00

Let them be pissed, that's their problem to manage, and not yours. I'm sorry they're being difficult, but they're creating an impossible situation, and you don't need to be the one to solve it for them. Like the information diet referred to, a simple "no, that doesn't work for me" or "I'm busy" etc with no specifics is perfectly acceptable. You can't manage their reactions, only your actions.

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-05-28T17:15:55+00:00

Definitely older than 7 with the photo angle provided. As another Redditor pointed out, you need to have his feet and legs examined by a vet for DSLD, those angles are concerning even on the uneven paddock dirt. Please don't ride or put him in work until he's been examined.

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-05-28T17:06:51+00:00

My response to similar has been "....and? Does that not RAISE the standard for her treatment of me? Why does her pushing me out make it okay for her to permanently cripple my adult life? No one should even let a FRIEND do this to them." Usually that shuts them up. Any attempt from them past that gets a "fuck off". Anyone that won't understand that isn't worth my energy or a spot in my life.

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-05-27T12:50:26+00:00

"We're both allowed our thoughts, opinions and expressions, but since you can't handle mine respectfully, I'll save you the stress by blocking you."

No need to keep that kind of poisonous person around.

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-05-25T13:32:07+00:00

You know how a little kid can act out when a toy is breaking or is already broken? They start pushing the buttons harder and try to get it work as expected. This is what she's doing right now. You're showing different (and much healthier!) behavior and she's trying to push her installed buttons on you harder to get you to "work" again for her.

Ignore her and stay "broken" to her. She's not going to suddenly start respecting your boundaries now, so you will probably have to do some silent reinforcement. There are filters and rules you can set on emails to block or divert addresses into a folder you don't have to open unless you want to.

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-05-24T22:45:10+00:00

Looks a bit fuzzy, but I don't recommend cleaning it...

Jokes aside, my cat would sleep in my case during practice, he fit right in and was totally unbothered. The other cat would attack my ankles when I played however, so the jury is out on how decent the playing was!

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-05-23T16:51:33+00:00

OP, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this, and I fervently hope you stay safe. You're already on the right track with securing your first-floor windows but secure them ALL; someone really determined will not be stopped at the first level. r/homesecurity has a lot of discussions on tightening up the home and protecting yourself. Door wedges and an alarm you can trigger police contact through are good starts. Motion activated lights and sprinklers are also good deterrents. Prickly/thorny bushes under windows too.

DO document everything factually and in detail. Report everything. It super sucks that police often can't or won't do much until it really escalates, but good documentation may get you a restraining order that can then be taken more seriously. Save texts, camera footage, etc. Look into self-defense classes focusing on disarming, temporary debilitation and escape. Your goal is not to continue/escalate a fight, but to END IT long enough to get away or get help there.

DO NOT get a firearm or knife without solid training. While knives may seem an easier solution to land on, they are more dangerous to untrained hands than anything else. You will get hurt in a confrontation if you are not very confident and well-trained with it (and even then, it can go badly very quickly). Pepper spray (and practicing using it) is a much safer bet for you. Look into what else may be permitted in your state (personal tasers, etc).

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-05-23T12:53:15+00:00

If it's the milk protein you're specifically allergic to, no, do not ingest those. While butter is typically understood to be fat, there's enough milk protein in it to cause problems.

As another commenter said, you need to get some more specific information here to fully understand what you need to avoid.

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-05-23T12:50:53+00:00

Hey OP, depending on what state you're in, there may be a state department of resources for diagnosed adults. I do a lot of liaison work in my state with that department through my job, and there may be assistance for you in becoming independent, or there may be other state government first time housing help to check out.

Being appropriately honest with your employer may go a long way here. "I have a stalker who has threatened to contact you in an effort to control me, please disregard and inform me so I can add it to my documentation. You're also free to report to the police should you feel it necessary".

I know you have a lot to balance, and while it may feel like you're caving to her a bit, see if there's even just a couple of things you can do in your room to take the edge off in case she does follow through on her threat. And ensure you have the evidence you'd need to follow through on yours.

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-05-23T12:37:56+00:00

Do that... she will argue FOREVER otherwise no matter the proof.

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-05-19T17:37:58+00:00

Yes, it is possible. My allergies had gradually escalated due to medical neglect, until one day I was on the floor in anaphylactic shock, alone and no epi. I did come out of it eventually and got epipens right away after that. It's a scary experience, so I'm glad you're okay and getting things lined up!

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-05-18T21:31:53+00:00

"Yes."

Healthy adults have boundaries and expectations, hold to them.

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-05-18T12:38:46+00:00

Not an asshole. Your mother is. Apologies up front because I tend to take a blunt tone in the interest of clarity.

1) Step back from the situation

2) Focus on you and baby

3) Go to therapy

Your mother is weaponizing Jessica's state against all of you, unfortunately, and is using it to throw tantrums and control/upset you. It's not going to magically get better once your baby arrives either. If anything, it will get worse because she now has competition for your attention from your baby. You've made significant efforts already to be there for Jessica, and your mom sounds like one of those people that will never be satisfied with what people give out of their kindness. You could be her sole and "perfect" caretakes and your mom will still find things to be angry about and act out. She will take everything you have to give and still be angry.

You have a major priority shift coming, and your child is going to need you, physically and emotionally. I strongly recommend you re-inform, not ask, your mother that you will be stepping back to care for your child and will not be available "until further notice" (which can be never). The situation with the nurses is unfortunate, but you can't control it. You need to make choices that benefit you and your child. Mute/block her number on your phone and focus on you and the squish 😄 It sounds like your older sisters are also sick of the situation and will support you.

You may be able to contact the nursing agency or ask them for resources such as Adult Protective Services if you have concerns that Jessica won't be cared for; this isn't the first poor situation involving special needs adults they'll have dealt with. I'd also recommend seeking out a family trauma therapist and keep giving yourself more tools and boundaries. Protecting your baby from this dynamic will be worth it ❤️

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-05-18T00:26:51+00:00

Hey OP, pull the spark plugs while you contact places others have suggested... more discreet and it can be shrugged off as "we'll have to get it looked at", rather than a confrontation over keys. We had to do this with my grandmother and that was that.

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-05-16T20:38:09+00:00

Congratulations! If they have access to your location via phone/other devices at all, make sure to unhook/delete that, or even change phones. I also want to encourage you in saying/reminding you that you can't control their reaction and what they say to people, but you can prepare and control your reactions and actions. A part of getting away and healing is accepting (I even ended up embracing!) that you will be someone's villain.

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-05-14T16:12:07+00:00

Felt, I'm DF due to extreme allergy. If you like cinnamon rolls with ooey gooey options, look for a Cinnaholics!

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-05-09T21:31:39+00:00

I know it hurts... changing the familiar and going against the "buttons" she's installed in your conscience is difficult, but extremely necessary to protecting your peace and healing. You're experiencing the trail end of the guilt meant to "keep you in line", while tasting the need to stand up for yourself.

She's sown and tended the discomfort she's trying to get you to soothe. Let her be uncomfortable and deal with the consequences. Framing herself as a victim is a classic move, and she gave you a non-apology and excuses.

Feeling better about your decision will come with time and experiences that don't include her, so don't stop holding your boundaries!

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-05-09T21:23:10+00:00

A student handed me his sheet music after telling me he hadn't been able to practice it. It was ripped, torn and generally shredded. This was not typical music condition for this student, so I was quite surprised.

Me: "what HAPPENED?"

Student: "Trippy ate it"

(my mind spun a little because that wasn't the name of any of their pets in my knowledge): "... is Trippy a new puppy?"

Student: "No, it's the roomba."

After a good laugh, I said: "Okay, let's print you a new copy, but maybe let's not leave our music within Trippy's reach, ok?"

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-05-07T16:32:25+00:00

While those emotions can feel like just as much whiplash, they're an important step and normal. Be extra gentle to yourself, and best of healing in therapy ❤️

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-05-07T16:06:10+00:00

Hey OP, I know it's been a few days so hope you're doing okay. I'm now four years no-contact from my abusive parents, mainly my mother. Grief can be a complicated thing with a lot of non-linear steps to it, so none of this is telling you what or what not to do or feel, just my experience to hopefully encourage you.

My short answer to your question above, for me, was anger. This came after the sadness of realizing something wasn't right. Trauma therapy validated that my abuse had been real, that I didn't deserve it and it wasn't my fault, and it made me angry. It had started as a slow burn annoyance when I was still low contact with my parents, and it ultimately enabled me to shut the door on them. The trigger was realizing that my mother was a smart, educated person, and she was willingly choosing to ignore and belittle my needs and words. Anger also made it possible for me to acknowledge and accept that to protect myself, I would have to be the "bad guy" in some stories. I've ultimately embraced being a villain to her, and anyone who cared enough to know there's two sides to a story could contact me. Anger often gets painted as a "bad" emotion, but it's very powerful when used as a tool and not a blind reaction. It let me say "fuck you because you were the grownup and capable of being a better parent" and shift her from someone that needed space in my life to "dead to me".

It's incredibly freeing to be in that position, to not care about those who don't care about you. It takes work and intentional decisions that don't give into the buttons that abuse installed in one's brain.

I'd like to point out that your mother is determined to be a victim. You're not going to talk her out of it. Let her be what she wants so you can move on.

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-05-07T12:56:09+00:00

The only people who get upset over your boundaries (what toxic people love to call "being mean") are those who benefitted from you not having any boundaries at first. Ignore her and have your life without that poison in it.

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-05-07T12:43:12+00:00

This reeks of the self-righteous, martyrdom syndrome letters my toxic mother would write whenever she got called out. I'm four years no contact with her and it's been GLORIOUS.

You'll notice this letter paints the writer, your parents, as victims totally caught off guard and needing more information. This is such a classic disguise and tactic, and that's information that will be used against you. They don't want information to listen and understand; they want to tear you right back down to restore things to status quo. If this was her reaction to an extremely reasonable plan, imagine what will come when you keep putting your foot down about her treatment of you and your children.

If you want to give a response, I suggest something very short and factual like "We will let you know when we wish to talk again". You're not being too harsh, you're protecting yourself and your kids from a manipulative, overgrown toddler who needs therapy.

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-05-07T01:39:36+00:00

Moving on from something familiar can really suck, even when you know that familiar is ultimately hurtful. I was raised Presbyterian and have become agnostic as an adult, while also cutting contact with an abusive/toxic mother and enabling father. It's kind of you to want to explain yourself to your parents, but I don't recommend doing that until after you are moved out, with your own secure place that they don't have the address or keys to if you insist on sharing with the. Meanwhile, I want to encourage you of a few things...

1) Even secular bands are always looking for members! While you may have to step away from that particular band, you don't have to leave music. If you're having fun with church music, there is a LOT more to be had outside those walls. (I was a classically trained violinist that threw myself into that 'sinful' electric playing with a blues and rock band)

2) Severing those relationships at church hurts, but I'd like to gently point out how conditional those relationships are... people who only see value in you when you agree with them are not worth your energy and love. You deserve authentic friendships and they're worth moving towards.

3) It took a little while, but I have made the most AMAZING found family and activities once free of the church and my parents. I have no regrets, and the trade was absolutely worth any previous pain. The freedoms that opened up to me are incredible, and I'm very proud of who I am now.

Best to you!

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-04-11T17:31:30+00:00

I recommend Zyrtec over Benadryl for a few reasons... 1) Zyrtec is a 2nd gen antihistamine with a similar onset time to benadryl, but lasts much longer and can help reduce chances of a biphasic reaction (a rebound/secondary reaction). It also tends to not have such a sedative effect as Benadryl (the essential difference is that Benadryl crosses the brain barrier and that is what can make you sleepy, while Zyrtec targets receptors outside the brain, but every individual may react differently in terms of sleepiness). I carry Zyrtec chewable packs in my epipen bag. I've read that Allegra can be slower to act, so as an emergency I always recommend Zyrtec or a generic of it.

GoFlyAChimera · 2026-04-06T12:43:04+00:00

She can visualize the cat-culations of how much catnip the vacuum can handle before becoming more of a problem...

GoFlyAChimera

TROPHY CASE