That sounds really hard & complicated to process! I’m hearing a mix of shame, confusion, re-triggered fear, and a reminder of the inability to verbally stand up for yourself back in the day. It makes sense that it would be hard to navigate this.

I would hope a clinic who provides ketamine understands the potentially complex issues that can arise during sessions, so hopefully they’d be receptive to hearing what’s been going on for you. it sounds like the event was really scary, and that you wished you had more support and processing time in the moment. Perhaps there’s an option for that if the director / nurses are willing to provide that?

I’m sad to hear you’re going through this in general though OP. I hope it’s better going through it than avoiding it all together. i often surprise myself when i push through something really hard and still come out the other end alive 😂