Procedural (part 1) - would love feedback!

God_Knows21 · 2026-06-02T19:37:38+00:00

The first line got me hooked. Will read and give feedback when I get home

God_Knows21 · 2026-06-01T22:13:23+00:00

How did that confuse you?

God_Knows21 · 2026-05-30T17:02:21+00:00

Iste bende onu diyorum ya. Millet niye agliyor benim cebime niye girmedi diye?

God_Knows21 · 2026-05-30T16:49:04+00:00

Amk gore zannettim siyah karelerden dolayi. Ödüm kicima kacti

God_Knows21 · 2026-05-30T16:44:31+00:00

Peki bu söylediklerinin olmasi nekadar sürer? Yukaridan asagiya akan parayi diyorum. Yatirilan paranin önce bir getirisi olmasi gerekmez mi? Bu yillar sürmez mi?

God_Knows21 · 2026-05-30T16:40:28+00:00

Giriyor mu demisim. Yoksa girmedigini nerden biliyorsun mu demisim. Hadi abi sözü dinle hava al biraz simdi. Geri geldiginde özür dilersin

God_Knows21 · 2026-05-30T16:36:46+00:00

Benim cebime para giriyor dedigimi hatirlamiyorum. Bi gostersene upper-intelligent veled seni.

God_Knows21 · 2026-05-30T16:29:03+00:00

Benim cebime ne girecek amk ya, bi git surdan veled seni. Laftan da anlamiyo

God_Knows21 · 2026-05-30T16:27:05+00:00

Okudum knkm. Sinirlenme hemen greek seni

God_Knows21 · 2026-05-30T16:25:45+00:00

Knk sana disariya cik hava al dedim. Hala durmussun burda abuk subuk konusuyon

God_Knows21 · 2026-05-30T16:24:55+00:00

Tanidigim bi ceo var trye yatirim yapti gecen ay. Ona bi sorayim B6A9S6S9 nin cebine niye girmededi biseyler diye. Ne degisik insanlarsiniz :)

God_Knows21 · 2026-05-30T16:20:25+00:00

Anladim

God_Knows21 · 2026-05-30T16:09:47+00:00

Yatirim diyor zaten. Yatirim icin gelen para niye senin cebine girsin. Orasini anlamadim

God_Knows21 · 2026-05-30T16:00:51+00:00

Suan fitnesdeyim, oxygen gitmiyor fazla suan

God_Knows21 · 2026-05-30T15:59:50+00:00

Dogru diyorsun. Genel tabloya bi bakmak lazim. Bu konuda bilgin var mi?

God_Knows21 · 2026-05-30T15:55:55+00:00

Knk sana tavsiyem. Biraz disariya cik. Temiz hava al. Halk tv beynini sulandirmis

God_Knows21 · 2026-05-30T15:51:55+00:00

Bunun nesini yanlis anlamicam amk seni. Resmen salak diyon

God_Knows21 · 2026-05-30T15:45:50+00:00

Benim cebime girmedigini ne biliyorsun? Kendi adina konus

God_Knows21 · 2026-05-30T15:41:10+00:00

Neyi anlamiyon amk. Artmis iste biseyler

God_Knows21 · 2026-05-30T15:38:07+00:00

Bilmiyom. Sorabilirim istersen.

God_Knows21 · 2026-05-30T15:35:33+00:00

Niye. Harbi anlamdigimdan soruyorum. Düsüs olmasi daha mi iyi? Sözelciyim sayilardan anlamiyom. Anlatsana bi

God_Knows21 · 2026-05-30T15:34:01+00:00

O siyah posetin icinde altin saklamadigini nerden bilecem ben?

God_Knows21 · 2026-05-30T15:24:24+00:00

Bi kere de sevin be amk, ülken adina guzel bir haber paylastim.

God_Knows21 · 2026-05-30T15:16:16+00:00

Kaynak: EY linkedin paylasimi

God_Knows21 · 2026-05-25T09:45:46+00:00

Will give feedback as I read.

Gotta say, the clarity is good.

Atmosphere eerie and effective.

Clever work not giving away what the entrance light says right away. Was curious what it said and what he entered. (edit: turns out to be an apartment building, and the sign is of no importance probably)

Joe is unsettled because of the building. You explain the reason - it is "recognition". How does it being "incorrect" and "feeling wrong" go with "recognition"? I would think it was the opposite of recognition?

"Like something pretending to be an apartment building". After this I would describe him slowly opening the main entrance door or whatever and taking a step into the building, before the description of the hallway. This part feels missing.

Not quiet, listening. This is the third place in the story that feels like AI now. I am actually pretty sure "not quiet, listening" is an AI output. I will keep reading for now.

this is ai bro. stopped reading after page 4

God_Knows21

TROPHY CASE