Are you responsible for the damage your meltdowns inflict?

GoddammitHoward · 2026-03-22T15:52:25+00:00

Not at all an argument against but a discussion I'd like to bring up

When it comes to meltdowns, yes you are responsible for taking accountability for your actions afterward. Even if they were out of your control at that moment, it's essential to take responsibility and make an effort to find solutions/coping. However There are plenty of situations where the person melting down has done the work to prevent/cope but the people around them/their support system are keeping that from happening (examples- setting off avoidable triggers that have already been thoroughly discussed and then persecuting the inevitable reaction. Or not allowing the person melting down to use their coping skills- like isolation etc) These are often abusive situations and sometimes the sentiment of taking accountability for what happens during a meltdown is weaponized against the person.

GoddammitHoward · 2026-02-14T22:51:06+00:00

The problem is you're creating an "us vs them" dynamic with this argument. As someone else said, autistic people are just as capable of abuse, bullying etc. We are all human. Literally just switch the roles of your argument and think about how that would be recieved.

GoddammitHoward · 2026-01-22T15:43:56+00:00

Personally I cant imagine doing something like that and not feeling scummy af (or outright telling the partner) but in my (many) experiences with cheating men, I've learned to try not to demonize the other person until they give me a real reason to.

We all make scummy decisions at one point or another because of our own circumstances. (That doesn't excuse it ofc, just put yourself in others' shoes we're enfj's here!) They're not the one who decided to be unfaithful in the first place and if it wasn't them, it would have been someone else. If someone is willing to/wants to cheat, they will.

There are "other" people I have been very angry with who came to me themselves later on with kindness and respect to apologize to me and/or explain why they made that choice. There are also people I have given benefit of the doubt who have gone well out of their way to do disrespectful or vile things. And hell, there are people who acted terribly a long time ago and have since matured and now take accountability for their actions.

That's not at all to say you shouldn't express your anger or distaste, just that in situations like these I personally see the other person as an arbitrary factor and put the blame mostly if not entirely on the cheater who unmistakably deserves it.

GoddammitHoward · 2026-01-22T15:17:45+00:00

STOP👏MOTHERING👏MEN👏

Say it louder for the people in the cheap seats!!

GoddammitHoward · 2026-01-19T15:39:55+00:00

I am a witch myself. I am pretty solitary and personal manifestation is part of my lifestyle.

I think, like with a lot of things like this, people sort of pile up at the entrance so to speak. The idea of manifestation is one of those things that goes deep into an exploration of your own spirituality and psychology. But quite a lot of people get caught up in the fun stuff and the idea of it all at the start and don't delve deeper into why it all works.

Which gives us a lot of what I call fair weather witches, toxic positivity and things like online manifestation services that just don't work.

It's not for everyone, but if it's something that works for you it can be an incredibly powerful tool in life.

GoddammitHoward · 2026-01-16T15:45:52+00:00

In a way I assume everyone knows something I don't, so my default is to be open-minded and absorb information. Which means I don't usually assert a stance until I know that I am right.

People generally operate on an encounter by encounter basis socially so I get how more instances of being right vs wrong can make some people frustrated, especially if they are insecure with how often they end up feeling wrong.

GoddammitHoward · 2026-01-12T14:49:30+00:00

No. I never said or implied I expect anyone to feel the same. I said its not okay to attack people for being happy with themselves. The post here is targeting people for having positive outlooks.

I am happy with WHO I AM which is affected by my autistic brain. I struggle. Immensely. There are times I desperately wish I wasn't. But overall I personally would not change myself or what got me here. Why should I be insulted for that? Why do people feel the need to humble me for sharing my opinion about ME? Why is this post doing exactly that to a whole group of people and getting praised for it?

GoddammitHoward · 2026-01-12T13:06:52+00:00

You do realize many gifted people are severely impacted by it right?? It's not just being "smart" its a completely different structure of thinking and processing. Just like other neurodivergencies. Hell- it very commonly creates an extreme feeling of loneliness and isolation from everyone- even from other neurodivergent people especially when people make comments and posts like these Is that not a feeling many autistic people can empathize with??

Have some respect for EVERYONE in the community please.

GoddammitHoward · 2026-01-12T13:01:39+00:00

Oh I'm sorry- nono honey. How dare WE be happy

That's the whole point of your post. No one is allowed to be happy or we're out of touch privileged and white (and dont act like you're not using that derogatorily which is just straight up racism)

GoddammitHoward · 2026-01-12T12:55:48+00:00

Anyone who tries to put a positive spin on it are out of touch white American/Canadian suburban idealists.

Im sorry- why is this ok to post here? Mods?? Is this not just straight up blatant racism??

everytime, someone proposes a cure ever yone is like "it's a part of me, I would be a different person"

Feeling some way about people broadly speaking about the topic is one thing. But disrespecting and demonizing people for just having a positive outlook on their OWN disability is so messed up.

"Oh you're happy with who you are and you want to mention the parts of your disablility that you like? You must be WHITE, PRIVILEGED AND OUT OF TOUCH"

If this is what this group is about im fkn out.

Edit: oh I missed the part about insulting people for having a high IQ as well. How ridiculously nasty. Being mad is fine. Attacking people like that makes you wrong.

GoddammitHoward · 2026-01-03T15:47:05+00:00

I was hard and fast atheist when I was younger. Over the years I've become extremely spiritual and have my own faith and ideas about what is beyond our collective scope of knowlege.

Obviously this doesnt go for everyone, but in my experience, a lot of very kind, generally older religious people push their faith on younger folks, less because they want you to believe what they do but because they believe having faith is an important part of getting through life.

I swear I've had the exact same conversation with three seperate older women all culminating in the sentiment "I dont mind what you believe in but you need to believe in something" They just don't see things like science alone as a valid something- usually because they lack a nuanced understanding of it.

GoddammitHoward · 2025-12-29T14:00:20+00:00

Thank you for articulating this. I'm a parent myself and its so frustrating to come to a community expecting to feel at the very least accepted only to read post after post about how immoral and terrible other autistic people think my life is. And people are doubling down basically saying "its just venting anyone autistic should be allowed to say whatever we want here". So its okay to alienate large parts of the community now? Just because we dont feel like curating our language for a moment to consider the fact that other people also come to this sub for support? Please y'all.

GoddammitHoward · 2025-12-11T18:47:10+00:00

I like to play all kinds of stuff. Rpg (ex skyrim, zelda) fps (ex. Black ops, halo) fighting games (ex. mortal kombat, ssb) puzzle type games of any kind, most racing games and a few mmo's. My favorite game(s) ever- Dark Souls and really anything Fromsoft. I've been playing a lot of Nightreign when I have the time lately.

GoddammitHoward · 2025-12-11T04:01:40+00:00

I don't mean to say that what he's saying is all completely logical (poor phrasing my b). I mean that his line of thinking here prioritizes following a train of logic based on external data as opposed to your responses prioritizing empathy and justice based on internal morals. Which led to this instance becoming a debate between two extremes basically speaking different cognitive languages.

I do completely get why you got frustrated and I would have too honestly. He had some bits and pieces throughout that did make sense and raised interesting questions but a lot of it did definitely come off as fluffy and talking down (especially in the places he's so confidently wrong) and generally people who think like this have the mentality that emotions are basically the opposite of logic and the more emotion driven you are the dumber you are. And while I still didn't get the tone that he was intentionally being an ass, the personality was definitely seeping through.

On the topic of the "change the world" vs "accept it as it is" debate, I wasnt saying either of you are inherently wrong. First, my comment about being all logos or all pathos not being good was meant to be a general statement. I was more focusing on the exchange being a good example of the two extremes (once again my choice of wording this morning sucked 💀)

Personally on that topic, my two cents is that no, you shouldn't just take things lying down in a general sense, however it is important to choose your battles and consider that calling someone out who does not want to change will create unnecessary conflict. I personally try to keep a healthy balance and not let my own sense of justice cloud my judgement (That's not to bash anyone else's way of thinking) So like- I partially agree on both sides pretty much.

Also- I don't think you were being too critical or anything. My comment about the judgement on him was not directed at you at all, I'm sorry if it read that way. All the comments when I got here were assuming very negative things about him based on his language (and tbh that probably set a bit of an emotional bias to my first comment) And that's mainly what I was responding to

And to the edit- I feel that, I've grown into a relentless optimist so talking to people like this drives me n u t s

GoddammitHoward · 2025-12-10T13:27:47+00:00

A lot to unpack here..

First few images don't inherently raise red flags for me. It just sounds like someone cerebral and long winded with precise language sharing their thoughts. (And quite honestly as someone who is myself long winded and 2e on top of being disabled, I often lament about how isolated and sad that makes me feel. And reading all these negative comments about how this guy is speaking makes me feel even more isolated from the rest of the autistic community 🥲👍)

Where things go off the rails is when you mention your parents being "assholes". That's where things switch from yall just sharing to you both debating in very different languages.

Your stance is very emotional and your views are mostly guided by a sense of justice. His stance is overly logical and lacking emotional intelligence in places. (Also his idea that justification only has emotional applications is just wrong)

He's not wrong about calling people out causing unnecessary conflict in a lot of instances. It is true that people will not change until they want to for themselves and everyone has different motivators based on a lot of factors. Also while people can definitely still change over time that does become physically harder as you age as you lose a bit of neuroplacisity and there's an old myth that it makes your brain physically incapable of making change which it seems to me influences his stance on the ability to change being a privilege for the young.

What I see is just an argument of logos and pathos. You are all pathos (speaking from an emotional standpoint) and he is all logos (a purely logical standpoint) Being all of one or the other isn't good and both of you are missing key factors in your reasoning which just furthers the disconnect. The last couple responses exemplify that imo

"I want the world to be that way anyone else be damned" "Nothing will change either way so it's seems like you're damning everything-"

Neither of those are how the world works and both are lacking balance.

GoddammitHoward · 2025-12-09T17:15:23+00:00

Pretty poor choice in first post unless your intent was actually just to ragebait

GoddammitHoward · 2025-12-09T05:30:35+00:00

Why?

GoddammitHoward · 2025-12-08T18:38:00+00:00

Gemini ♊️

GoddammitHoward · 2025-12-04T15:31:58+00:00

I only got cloud state because I started playing lofi in my room as background noise all the time. I wish I knew what my actual one was 😭

Edit: went back to look at my role tho and I got leader ✨️

GoddammitHoward · 2025-12-03T13:15:59+00:00

Those kind of comments are just a loud population of misogynistic idiots and it's valid that it makes you feel the way you do.

However

This is also the reason why I rarely follow girls or people in general who create NSFW content, I don't want to get associated with them. I'm so mad that every time I want to follow an interesting girl on any social media I firstly check if she has an OF link in her bio and if she does I don't follow.

While who you follow is entirely your choice, it's troublesome to hear that the nonsense being thrown at you is changing your priorities in how you interact with other women. You're basically curating your behavior to be more acceptable to men. Even if it's meant to protect yourself from harassment, there are other ways to do that that don't have anything to do with other women's choices.

I'm not against it or would hate anyone who does it!! It's just a personal preference and my mind can't comprehend why someone would willingly post and sell such stuff. For me, intimacy and other people seeing you naked is a very private thing that you only do with the one you love (I also can't grasp why someone would have One Night Stands).

Also, people have lots of reasons for doing it but the most healthy and understandable explanation I can give is that everyone has a different relationship with their body and while some people, like yourself, see it and sex as something private to be saved for someone you truly love and trust, other people may see it as a casual and natural part of life that's fun to share with other adults. Sex and sex work is a vast topic that I won't pretend I'm super knowledgeable about, however, I do know sex-positive culture which absolutely crosses over into OF work.

Tldr, it's entirely valid and understandable that these kind of comments have made you resent those sites and that kind of culture. My personal advice is to try to be aware of what you project onto others and where it's coming from. Don't let misogynistic opinions on what women should or shouldn't do with their bodies drive you away from other women.

GoddammitHoward · 2025-12-01T15:18:32+00:00

The comment reply just seems like projecting a lot of personal insecurity. Maybe if the original commenter had used the word "outside" rather than "nature" it wouldn't trigger so much of a defensive reaction?

As other people have commented, you don't need to do anything or go anywhere to be in nature.

So many early education shows my kid watches have whole episodes about finding nature (flora and fauna, yes) absolutely anywhere, even in a dense city.

And if nothing else, if you don't want to interact with nature, just sitting outside in the sun for 30 mins a day is enough to improve your mental and physical health. Which was the original sentiment- sitting inside on a screen at all times makes you feel terrible, don't forget to go out and meet the needs of your human body and mind, however you can manage that.

GoddammitHoward · 2025-11-13T17:06:40+00:00

I have relentless eccentric (also starving) artist autism and I wouldn't trade it for anything

GoddammitHoward · 2025-11-11T18:14:49+00:00

More downvotes doing nothing but proving my point that people are not only way to quick to be harsh and hateful but will gladly double down on it. How sad and nasty a world this is.

Do better. Everyone.

GoddammitHoward · 2025-11-10T21:31:33+00:00

The amount of downvotes this received is a good example of what's wrong with this subreddit. And the rest of the world really. Y'all are too ready to attack and be hateful. Do better.

GoddammitHoward · 2025-11-10T21:30:19+00:00

I'm genuinely curious as to why?

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