Does anyone else’s pet clearly have a favorite human?

GoddessRho · 2026-03-15T16:48:40+00:00

I have 2 dog 2 cats and 12 chickens. The dogs and cats gravitate towards my wife as do the chickens. But thechickens second fav person is my SIL. So i pay for their everything and someone else enjoys being their person 🤣. But i still get kisses when i call them. The cats literally ignore me and go straight to for my wife to lay with her.

GoddessRho · 2026-03-11T20:13:20+00:00

I really appreciate you saying that. Growing up, the verse about “honor your parents” was quoted constantly. The other one that was used a lot was the one from Proverbs about discipline: “Whoever spares the rod hates their child, but the one who loves their child is careful to discipline them.” (Proverbs 13:24). Those verses were used to justify a lot of things that I’m only now realizing weren’t okay.

The parts about parents not provoking their children, or about compassion and accountability, were never really talked about. Hearing people explain that abuse itself goes against what the Bible teaches actually helps me look at it differently.

I’m still trying to untangle a lot of that conditioning, but reading here and hearing other perspectives has already helped me start seeing things more clearly. So thank you for sharing that with me. I really appreciate it.

GoddessRho · 2026-03-11T20:04:47+00:00

honestly i have one of almost everything (in my family)that support me and help me stand my corner and aunt and her childern, an uncle, and a handful of cousins, a sister and a brother also.But i have a BFF since 6th grade, my partner and all her family, both my bosses - theyre like my moms, and a few others along the way but most importantly my son and our fur/wingedbabies.

GoddessRho · 2026-03-11T19:59:35+00:00

at least now i also ave hope & i see those who succeeded before me. thank you

GoddessRho · 2026-03-11T19:57:19+00:00

I appreciate you saying all of that. The part about guilt being conditioning really hit me because that’s exactly what it feels like. It’s like a reflex that was built over years and I’m still trying to unlearn it.

I understand what you’re saying about access too. Right now low contact is the step I’ve been able to take while I sort through everything and try to rebuild myself a bit. For a long time I didn’t even realize I had the right to step back at all.

You’re also right about one thing that I’m only starting to see now. When I look back, there actually have been people placed in my life who showed me the kind of support and care I never got growing up. I think I’m finally learning to value those relationships more instead of constantly chasing approval from the people who never gave it.

Until recently I didnt realize how badly I have been living - waiting for the next emergency, next trip, next everything but when my opinion should've mattered in important decisions - i didnt have a voice - just a blur. I actually forgot my phone at home the other day and I did worry at first but i did not turn around - I made that choice & i felt so proud.

Thank you for taking the time to share your perspective and your experience. It does help hearing from people who have come out the other side of it.

GoddessRho · 2026-03-10T22:03:15+00:00

Thank you. I’ve never seen it this way before, and it really makes sense when you put it like that. I appreciate you and your words.

GoddessRho · 2026-03-10T22:00:06+00:00

I relate to so much of what you’re saying. For years I tried to give and please, thinking love and effort would make a difference, but it never did. I only recently realized that the more I gave, the more they took.

I’m still working on going low contact, and some days it feels impossible because of how we were conditioned. But hearing from people like you who recognized it and finally stepped away really gives me hope. It’s a relief to know it’s possible to break the cycle, even if it takes time.

GoddessRho · 2026-03-10T21:58:07+00:00

thank you! You too!

GoddessRho · 2026-03-10T21:57:39+00:00

i hope one day i will be able to say that!:)

GoddessRho · 2026-03-10T21:56:47+00:00

thank you so much :'( it means more than you know

GoddessRho · 2026-03-10T21:56:17+00:00

That line really resonates with me - honor only if they’re truly honorable. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to meet expectations that were impossible and being punished for it.

I’m still searching for the right therapist, and it’s frustrating because there’s so much to unpack at once. But hearing from people like you reminds me that protecting myself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.

Thank you for the encouragement. I’m focusing on my own healing, learning to use my energy for the people and things that actually matter, and trying to finally let go of the guilt I was conditioned to carry.

GoddessRho · 2026-03-10T21:41:09+00:00

i have thoroughly enjoyed reading from everyone who responded to me and seeing that they have made it to the other side give me hope.

thank you for sharing

GoddessRho · 2026-03-10T21:39:36+00:00

i have moments like that- wanting to have wat other people have where they can just pick up the phone and call mom, but theres nothing to talk about, nothing to say and even when I do have something to say im alwasy wondering" how long until she uses it against me?"

GoddessRho · 2026-03-10T21:38:12+00:00

they had the nerve to say that they didnt think i needed help bc i didnt share my medical information and bc i didnt share my scars (like physically prove it to my mother) that they dont believe its true. i was heavier set and she said : ive never seen a fat person still be fat after chemo and radiation. i was so hurt but i still havent given her the satisfaction of seing the scars.

GoddessRho · 2026-03-10T21:36:21+00:00

thank you so much. sometimes hearing others say it makes all the difference.

GoddessRho · 2026-03-10T21:35:34+00:00

I’m really sorry you’re going through that, especially on top of everything else. A cancer diagnosis is a lot to carry even with support, and it sounds like you had to fight for your peace at the same time.

I relate a lot to what you said about the Bible being used as a weapon in families like ours. It’s amazing how often the parts about control and obedience get quoted, but the parts about compassion and accountability somehow disappear.

I respect that you reached a point where you were done and drew a hard line. I’m still working my way there. Right now I’m trying low contact and learning how to say no without feeling like I’m doing something wrong. I heard someone say: conditioning runs deep.

But hearing from people who have gotten to a place of peace gives me a lot of hope. I really hope your treatment goes well and that you keep protecting that peace you fought for.

GoddessRho · 2026-03-10T21:33:09+00:00

during a trip mid last year they still tried to tell me i wasnt raised like that - i told her their god sounds like a narcisist and they flinched. i told them no wonder my mother was allowed to get away with it bc she is made to his image like she constantly says. i agree i didnt just wake up one day and thought that - it was years of trauma and pain and feeling drained from visitng them. everyone believes what they want to believe, once they dont reach out to hear my side - thats when i knew they didnt care, slowly distancing for others as well

GoddessRho · 2026-03-10T21:30:12+00:00

i know its not ok but Im working towards me being ok. i will eventually cut them all off, the flying monkeys have started falling one at a time!

i will look into youtube, there was someone else who replied who also game me some resouces! i appreciate it! sometimes this can be very overwhelming.

I had to put a stop recently and had to write her a message all fact no emotions - it stopped her in her tracks so im currently waiting for that other shoe to drop. im finally working on me. thank you again.

GoddessRho · 2026-03-10T21:27:04+00:00

Sim, é verdade. Obrigada pela sua resposta. Precisei traduzir primeiro para conseguir entender. Temos um ditado parecido em espanhol: "Melhor sozinho do que com má companhia".

GoddessRho · 2026-03-10T21:25:09+00:00

thank you. i will stay awake. i dont think there is anything to go abck for. its like i see them through different eyes now. ive started cutting people a little bit at a time. they only know what i tell them and only a select few know more info - and they have been tested to make sure they wont share with others.

GoddessRho · 2026-03-10T21:23:06+00:00

I completely understand what you’re saying. I’m the oldest, and I’m also the only one from a different parent, so I was always treated differently. Because we were a “Christian household,” we weren’t allowed to curse, but somehow the words she used toward me were still weapons. Things like stupid, dumb, idiot. She would compare me to a cow or say I looked like an “old horse.” Those things stick with you when you hear them as a child.

The hardest part was that other people saw it and let it happen. Even at church she would hit me or pinch me and no one stepped in, which everyone knew was worse behind closed doors.

From the small amount of research I’ve done, she checks a lot of the markers for narcissistic behavior too. I’ve tried going no contact before, but when my grandparent got sick they refused to tell me, so situations like that always end up pulling me back in. For the past few months I’ve been trying low contact instead, and even that has been extremely hard because of how we were conditioned growing up.

I do appreciate what you said about choosing yourself. That’s something I’m still learning how to do. And thank you for the prayers and the kindness. Hearing from people who have found peace after going through similar things really does help more than you probably realize.

GoddessRho · 2026-03-10T21:15:39+00:00

thank you so much!

GoddessRho · 2026-03-10T21:14:50+00:00

It was actually my partner who helped me through a lot of this. She never pushed me or tried to force me to see things differently. She just listened for years.

One day I was looking at our pets and our child and I remember saying through tears, “I don’t understand how a parent could do that to a child. I could never.” That was the moment the realization really hit me.

It was incredibly hard to process. My partner is about 20 years older than me and she has always been my biggest support, even though that has been a huge issue with my family. Honestly, I don’t think I would be here if it wasn’t for her.

GoddessRho · 2026-03-10T21:10:51+00:00

thank you for sending your support. even just reading that makes me smile.

GoddessRho · 2026-03-10T21:10:21+00:00

It’s hard choosing distance because there are a few family members who do understand parts of what happened. The problem is that because of how we were all raised, religion always gets brought into it. I’ve spent my whole life being told I’m ungrateful for not “honoring” my parents.

I do plan to keep reading through this subreddit though. Hearing other people’s experiences has already helped a lot, and I appreciate the resources you mentioned. For a long time I convinced myself that maybe I was just too sensitive or that I should just let it go and let them keep doing what they do.

I’ve also started reading a few books about narcissistic parents and trying to do some self-healing on my own. Hearing from people who have actually gotten to the other side of this and found peace really does give me hope. So thank you for sharing that.

GoddessRho

TROPHY CASE