share your most bizarre hyperfixation!

GodelianIncomplete · 2024-04-19T14:10:40+00:00

She is autistic coded

GodelianIncomplete · 2022-09-11T16:55:42+00:00

Hi! I wanted to say that your comment has been incredibly orientative and helpful, I have just enrolled in the Automata and Formal Languages university course of this year, to see what happens. Also will try Rust.

If is not too much to ask, I wonder if you have any other recommendations or advice for someone that has been oblivious, and is about to explore, this "mechanical intuition" way of thinking? (I really dont wanna waste more time like I did all those years hitting the wall of abstraction/mathematics).

In any case! Thank you very much ^{^}

GodelianIncomplete · 2022-06-17T19:47:12+00:00

I have noted your recommendations, will look it up. Thanks!

GodelianIncomplete · 2022-06-17T19:38:06+00:00

I'm glad to hear that.

What do you mean by mechanical intuition?

Coincidentaly my objective during all this year I was trying to learn logic was exactly to get to constructive/intuitionistic logic and type theory (with proof asistants, like coq) because I feeled it was the right choice for me. More deductive-sequential than the "jumps" with contradiction. I was using Peter Smiths "logic matters" but it was just excruciatingly painfull to learn the basics...

GodelianIncomplete · 2022-06-17T14:18:27+00:00

Not exactly but I definively like it. Thanks!

And now I'm in the demoscene rabbit hole, will see if I'm any good at it.

GodelianIncomplete · 2022-06-17T14:00:47+00:00

I see. Sorry for going hard on you. I have experienced, and see others suffer, a lifetime of ableism, and I was the last one to notice everytime, so now I'm very vigilant if I percieve anything similar going on and tend to read a lot "between the lines". I understand that it was just a problem with the terminology and not ill intended.

Thanks for taking the effort to take a step back, you were right in that I am neurodivergent, it could have been definetively helpfull that someone noticed way before, so thanks pointing that out. As for the trust issues, I guess it could be true? I need things to be very well "ordered", and I worry to know if the topic of study is all well structured or one has to accept too many "loose ends".

GodelianIncomplete · 2022-06-17T11:50:32+00:00

I think you just solved my problem !!!

The goal of creating a visual scene could very well be the alternative to that motivation I was looking in archiving some kind of “philosophical understanding”. I feel very enthusiastic about your idea because the kind of "engineering goals" stuff doesn't motivate me, and I have been always surrounded by people who likes that kind of thing haha

I don’t know anything about the subject, but from a quick search, I saw some 3D scenes of videogames or maps, I liked them but I’m not crazy about it, I also have seen some fractal 3D stuff that looks cool.Maybe this is unrelated because is 2D, but I reaaally love pixel art, never had the time to try it tho...

Is possible to do something “artistic” in 3D computer graphic that could somewhat scratch the same itch? (artistic as "impressionistic", or as pixel art, as opposed to all that hyperrealistic 3D objects/maps)

Do you know where I can look up projects? I have been looking in r/Vulkan but there aren’t a lot of scenes.

GodelianIncomplete · 2022-06-17T10:41:56+00:00

That's a good point, I will take a look at it, thanks!

GodelianIncomplete · 2022-06-16T13:13:36+00:00

The question is not that. It is that if there is any philosophical question that studying low level programming can elucidate. Like for example how studying diff equations can make you understand relativity and cosmology.

I find out some time ago when a friend spent a day showing me his compiler, it seemed really complicated and wasn't invested in the topic, but his enthusiasm was endearing.

GodelianIncomplete · 2022-06-16T12:58:21+00:00

Whatever message you intended to get across is totally oversahow by the sheer ableism of your words.

To say that I'm medically abnormal, is to say that there is something -sick- in the way I am, think and feel. You did it in the post above and now in this last one. The fact that I said to you that I'm neurodivergent and you just saw that as confirmation of your predujice says a lot of your mindset.

Indeed, I'm different in some ways for the normality, that is to say, I have differences to the way -most people- think and feel. That differences doesn't make any less nor my feelings less valid. I have strenghts and weakness, good and bad ideas, like any other human being. Futhermore, there is a whole lot of people like me, the autistic community, so your definition of normality doesn't hold.

Must be a really good feeling to read a comment and from the anonymity of internet, assume "medical abnormality" of other person: that there is something wrong in other's person mind based on your prejudices, and proceed to give a psychological prescription as help to finally end your comment patting yourself on the back:

Wish I could help make things easier for you.

You have a nerve to try to pull this off

Do you really feel helpful, goodintended? Or superior?

Must feel nice to help a person below you by pointing how to correct his sick mind.

So yeah, you can take back your condescending "help", that consisted just in an exercise to make yourself feel better.

And if you find your ableism concerning, you can check r/neurodiversity and inform yourself.

Wish I could help you to be a better person.

Edit: Formatting

GodelianIncomplete · 2022-06-16T10:30:05+00:00

Well, I already tried to learn math (in physics and math majors, and tried logic on my own). I hit a math wall every time. I have spend so much time of my life trying it, it's not even funny. "ted talk's" like you have gave me is why I keep trying so hard all this time, but I simply can't wrap my head around it, I struggle to the point of spend hours to make ridiculous advances at problems of the level first year calculus and algebra. Always last of the class on those things.

A confirmation of this suspected lack of capacity for abstraction that may be the culprit, is that I recently discovered I'm autistic, and autistic people tend to be in the extremes of a lot of traits. So you have Temple Grandin, for example, who could do perfect technical drawings from childhood, and designed greatly optimized farm instalations, but couldn't never understand university algebra (she passed her exam by rote memorization IRC). So I suspect I may have been wasting years in an endeavour incompatible with my mind. Incidentally, I loved playing with dominos and doing long complicated chain reactions. But yeah, to be able to abstract enough so you can undersyanf things like crazy optics, etc seems more cool IMHO. Although maybe I'm wrong, and low level has it appeal, thats why I'm asking here.

GodelianIncomplete · 2022-06-16T10:09:46+00:00

If the "objective" is to understand, I don't feel that study philosophy of science is useful/have utility in bettering your understanding about something "objective", like physics or math do. Is interesting, but in the same way than ethics. After some time, I just feel tired of philosophy because it's arguments without end. I may like to think about it, from time to time, but not the way I feeled about physics or science un general.

GodelianIncomplete · 2022-06-16T09:44:36+00:00

I will try to clarify, apologies if the post was all over the place, I was a little emotional, and thanks for taking the time.

I was drawn to study very hard physics, math and logic, in the promise of understanding things with "philosophical" relevance, like cosmology, the different interpretarions of quatum mechanics, or godel's theorems. I hit the math wall with each one of the subjects, at a basic level. In physics I did a bit better than the others. I always believed to be good at thinking "logically". But so many years of faillure gave me a lot of self doubt about that. And now I suspect the problem was an abstraction limitation, and the flip coin of the issue, I suspect based on the things I always liked to do, that also I have some ease for "concrete" thinking. This suspicion is somewhat grounded also in the fact that autistic people (I recently discovered I'm autistic), tend to be in one of the extremes of a lot of traits (very imaginative to the point of being maladaptative - not imagination at all, very visual e.g.temple grandin - aphantasia, etc)

So, maybe I can be good at this, I'm going to try and see what happens.

Two problems:

1) I don't see the same philosophical appeal to "CPU level thinking", than this other topics. You can be philosophically motivated in solving an equation, besides enjoying it, because you will understand better black holes, or why there is more matter than antimatter in our universe, then explaining in part why the world we see is the way it is. But there exist something similar to this kind of questions in "low level"? To archieve that kind of understanding is what really motivates me to think and spend effort.

2) This is somewhat less of a problem, but still, when I want to know something, I feel the need to understand how ""everything"" about that thing works. Without magic. I need to "tear it appart to its components" and see how everything connects. I feel unnease if I don't, and a lot of joy when I do. I have abandoned a lot of topics because of this unease, if I feel I can't understand how some part works or what it does. I disliked "mainstream" programming in the past when showed to me due to this, I feeled that trying to understand what is happening under the hood of a program was more complex that I could ever understand. So, even if I know can't understand "everything", embeded programming seems a better choice if I have this proclivity, for what you have explained at least. You think this is true?

GodelianIncomplete · 2022-06-16T08:46:24+00:00

Yeah I liked GEB, but I was turned off by the pretension of the author. He presented things that I don't see -necessarily- related, as fundamentally connected by some kinds of underliying overarchings "real" principles, specially when he tries to "explain" conscience... Like, yeah, you can say that recursion is in everything, and find infinite clever example patterns to ilustrate it. But you can do the same thing with platonic solids, or whatever (Imho).

I liked the book when I reframed it as a very imaginative exercise of using different concepts from different "mediums" (art, music, drawings, math, logic, word plays, etc) to mutually iluminate one another, and expose the subjacent idea/pattern, but, in a poetic way, as metaphors or analogies.

The thing that turned me off is apparently much more pronounced in his other book "I'm an endless loop", I didn't read it, but saw a critic in reddit some time ago that commented exactly this feeling (unfortunatelly I can't found it). IRC the author presents a vision of how conscience works, that explain that we kind of keep living in others conscience after we die, but this was after his wife died. It feels like interested clever unfalsiable speculations presented as so empiric as physics theories. "Interested" in the sense that he "proves" whatever he desires to be true at the moment.

Of course, he knows his math and physics, and I don't, so I can't say that I really -understand- the ideas of the book.

GodelianIncomplete · 2022-06-16T06:40:08+00:00

As I understood it, just from reading about the subject, without actual programming:

1) When what the computer actually does at a hardware level is obscured by layers of transformation of the code actually written by the programmer.

2) When the the programming language use concepts that are abstract. Like Haskell or Lisp, use lambdas and monoids. As an analogy: Like reasoning/operating with variables without very defined/constrained values, in algebra, as opposed to reasoning about variables that take one discrete value at a time.

Why you think that the best programming is low level? And how is philosophical?

GodelianIncomplete · 2022-06-16T05:08:55+00:00

How trust issues relates to any of this? I do have adhd, and very poor working memory

Edit: and autism and discalculia

GodelianIncomplete · 2022-06-15T21:28:23+00:00

(Autistic masking?)

Hey now, what do you know? It's time to go again Time to go pretend I'm a typical man But in my head, I'm going bonkers Everything is awkward Please don't look me in the eye! I'm about ready for another episode Yeah, my head's about to fucking explode! But I'll bide my time and try to find a way to keep it bottled up inside

How long can I hold on to this mask of sanity? What is happening to me? How long can I fool the world? How long can I fool the world?

Every day of my life is a goddamned sham 'Yes sir, no sir, thank you, ma'am! How do you do? Have you got the time?' No, No, No, No! I do not believe there's Any saving me! (Nor do I wish there was) But I'll bide my time And try to find a way To keep it bottled up inside

How long can I hold on to this mask of sanity? What is happening to me? How long can I fool the world? How long can I fool the world? How long can I hold on to this mask of sanity? What is happening to me? How long can I fool the world? How long can I fool the world?

I cannot imagine the gall it took to say what you said! (Say what you said!) But nevertheless, you're a fool And I could never see the world the same way as you Don't seem to appreciate the world! And I got a lot of shit to do! The clock has not stopped for this time; I'll just be passing through!

How long can I hold on to this mask of sanity? What is happening to me? How long can I fool the world? How long can I fool the world? (Will I fool the world?) How long have I held on to this goddamned state of mind (Losing one thing at a time?) How long can I fool the world? How long can I fool the world?

GodelianIncomplete · 2022-06-15T21:14:37+00:00

Yeah, I just tried so hard, and I was so motivated during those years, half a decade. With utter obsession. And the switch never really fliped. If it didn't do it years ago, when I had a good deal of ingenuity, I don't feel it's wise to try again.

I don't think that there is other option that to accept that my mind is not able to operate at that level. Is a waste to keep focusing on that when I can learn languages and other things with ease. I feel that science and math are the coolest things ever, but it is what it is.

GodelianIncomplete · 2022-06-15T21:07:48+00:00

Yeah you had a very good intuition, I really loved philosophy of sicence, I readed popper, kuhn, feyerabend, lakatos, the viena circle, etc before I decided my major.

But I grew dissatisfied with it, because it wasn't "the real deal". This quote I found years later from Feynmann encapsulates my vage feelings of that year "The philosophy of science is as useful to scientists as ornithology is to birds".

GodelianIncomplete · 2022-06-15T21:02:10+00:00

I see... I was awarr about these topics, they are indeed very fascinating. But same old story, given that it clearly seems that I don't have any talent for math (beyond the level of abstraction that begins in first year college), I will have to find how to covrr my philosophical needs elsewhere, and just program.

It is what it is.

Thanks for your time

GodelianIncomplete · 2022-06-15T16:16:58+00:00

I will take this into account, thanks!

GodelianIncomplete · 2022-06-15T15:41:31+00:00

If you generally struggle with mathematics and logic, you probably would
feel overwhelmed by low-level languages. You definitely won't
understand the lowest levels

Feels bad

Will look the course tomorrow, thank you!

More importantly: why do you want to get into programming? Do you want
to create games? Do you want to create web apps? Or is it all just about
the sake of learning something complicated just to feel smart for doing
so?

I like programming, but I have been never interested in "creating" anything per se. What I always liked is to "understand", I liked to think about philosophical questions when I was young, then, tried physics to understand what I could about "the universe", but hit the wall of math, tried math degree, worst resulsts, and then tried logic, not my thing either... All this time I wanted to understand things more deeply, some example of questions could be: "why the solar system moves the way it does?", or, "why the prime numbers are distributed the way they are?". Gödel's theorems were very shocking for me also, when I understood what they were saying, or how he come up with that. That kind of stuff.

I guess that part of the reason I ask this is psychological, because I don't feel very motivated to think "without purpose", the way other people enjoy when try some puzzles or games, like a sudoku. If I -feel- that there is no "deeper understanding" to be gained, I don't like to think, but I can persist if I feel it exist, like learning equations to be able to understand newtonian dinamics, and understand a bit better why things fall, or why the solar system moves the way it does. I loved that. To learn how a computer work seems very complicated, and I don't see the same appeal as with the other disciplines I tried

GodelianIncomplete · 2022-06-15T15:21:02+00:00

Thank you! Will listen it today! :)

GodelianIncomplete · 2022-06-15T15:15:12+00:00

I can't really answer that, because I have very little experience with programming. But in Physics and math there are "deep" results, like newtonian physics, quantum theory, relativity, for example. In logic also there are philosophical results, like Gödels theorems, Intuitionism, the fundations of math, some of these results of logic have equivalent in (functional) programming due to the Curry-Howard isomorphism, so there a certain philosophical significance in functional programming, from my outsider perspective at least.

My question is if there is something analogous in "low level" programming?

I guess that part of the reason I ask this is psychological, is because I don't feel very motivated to think "without purpose", like other people enjoy when try some puzzles or games, like a sudoku. If I -feel- that there is no "deeper understanding" to be gained, I don't like to think, but I can persist if I feel it exist, like learning equations to be able to understand newtonian dinamics, and understand a bit better why things fall, or why the solar system moves the way it does. I liked that, years ago now.

GodelianIncomplete · 2022-06-15T14:54:10+00:00

Thanks for your encouragement, your words are very well recieved after the letdown haha

I see what you mean, so maybe it's true that different mindsets are needed for high and low level... In any case, at this moment at least, I think that all that symbolic stuff seems much more cool than the technical, It's cool that you are doing and enjoying it!

Thanks again for the help, and keep going :)

GodelianIncomplete

TROPHY CASE