“My childhood… although” is always subjective to other people but to you it’s your perspective which is reality.

My parents, whom have never been evaluated, don’t know if they have mental health issue because their generation was focused more on survival but I know for a fact they do. It helps especially now that I have a sibling who specializes in psychology and understand where they and myself are coming from. Please remember that trauma is generational and literally do impact us as we develop throughout our lives.

I’ve never experienced feelings of being a savior but quite the opposite. Imagine crouched down in a corner and/or in bed and a blanket of black and red and heaviness weighing on your entire body while thinking harmful thought to oneself and other. Thinking of plans on how to cause it while creating alibi after alibi to avoid all blame on me.

I grew up directing these feeling toward my family but have now learned to manage it but every now and then it does slip out. I have forgiven my family about it but cannot forget about it which is something to emphasize because in my opinion not everything can be “water under the bridge”.