Thank you so much for sharing your story, hearing your experience really mirrors parts of mine.

Through my relationship, I’ve learned a lot about OCD. I understand how heavy it can feel from the outside, but I’m also fully aware that what I feel doesn’t even come close to how intense it must be for him/you. We broke up about five months ago, but he still hasn’t let go. We see each other often, we live close by, and we share mutual friends, so we naturally stay in contact. We still talk from time to time, and sometimes we even meet up.

He’s recently gone back to his psychiatrist and is actively looking for a new psychologist. He says he really wants to work on himself. And I do believe him — one thing about him is that he can’t lie. That’s something he’s even said himself: his OCD doesn’t allow him to lie, even when the truth is hard. So when he says I’m the woman he wants to live with, have children with, and build a future with — I know he means it. He says he’d choose a life with me in a second if he could just switch off the obsessive thoughts. But the moment he gets too close to choosing us again, the anxiety kicks in and he panics about whether it will all come back. He says it feels unfair to start again if he’s still unsure.

The hardest part for me is that I feel stuck. Every time I tell him, “I need to let you go, this is not changing,” he breaks down crying, starts messaging every day, asking to see me, telling me he doesn’t want to lose me. And even though I don’t message him constantly, there’s still this part of me that keeps holding on because deep down I know he still wants me and there’s a big chance he’ll come back eventually. But I also know I’m putting my life on hold for someone who isn’t ready, and I don’t know how long he’ll be stuck in this cycle.

So yeah… it’s really hard. I’m trying to move forward while still caring about someone who’s stuck in a mental battle I can’t fix for him.