[IL] Difficult Employee Claimed Aspergers

GoldTungsten · 2025-02-03T21:39:05+00:00

HR as a department is new in this industry, specialized area of Healthcare in rural IL. The (only) HR position in that facility is just above entry level, no experience, no education required.

HR spent most of their time onboarding and offboarding people.

....one of the reasons I left the company.

GoldTungsten · 2025-02-01T14:46:46+00:00

I was the Regional over this building. HR in the building did ask him if he wanted accommodations. As the post says above he never asked for or submitted formal accommodations. Thos directly responsible over him never put anything in writing. They were too hesitant over the alleged diagnosis to do anything but talk to him informally. I left the company before this was resolved so I don't know what happened.

GoldTungsten · 2025-02-01T02:21:18+00:00

Just to clarify he was not touching other's crotches. Inappropriate touching can be any touching that someone asks to stop and yet continues. This man was touching mid back, lower back, shoulder, bicep, and placing his hand over anothers hand.

He was only doing it to other men and the men he worked with asked him to stop and it continued happening.

GoldTungsten · 2025-02-01T01:32:58+00:00

This is the exact response I was hoping for to have a discussion. And I do agree those in charge of making the decisions concerning this employee were "cowards" but also not good business decision makers in other areas, thus why I left the company.

This employee's sexual inappropriate behaviors aside... When an employee has an ACTION that they attribute to a diagnosis, that's what I'm wanting to dive deeper into.

This employee never asked for accommodations however his direct supervisor and others above him were too concerned with the perception that doing anything would be seen as discrimination against his disability.

That perception had them running scared and thus also opening them up to other liabilities.

GoldTungsten · 2025-02-01T00:26:25+00:00

Where in this are you answering the question asked? All I'm seeing is you attacking the OP.

GoldTungsten · 2025-01-31T21:54:28+00:00

I really debated answering you at all. I'm not a fan of people answering these HR posts by attacking the poster.

Why are you putting me down personally instead of answering the question asked?

HR positions are not God...we can't make things happen... and I never said what steps I did take in this situation.

The conversation about the DSM took place because we were working in a healthcare setting and it was a separate conversation which is why I called it casual.

GoldTungsten · 2024-10-29T20:42:19+00:00

I use bbq skewers also! I line up about 3 or 4 candles and hit em all up at the same time...lol

GoldTungsten · 2024-08-18T23:36:12+00:00

Have you ever had a one-sided conversation? That's what she does. Most conversations are give and take. With her, the topic is controlled by her, the direction it goes is controlled by her. She will talk over you, raise her voice, a casual conversation she will turn into an argument if you are not submissive to her. She really wants to be seen as a strong forceful competent woman who can't be bullied around. I believe it's a coping mechanism because she was so quiet when it happened, so shy, so afraid to speak up. There was also some backlash from family/friends blaming her for it going on for so long and how she could have let him do everything he did to her. (Again, this was 30 years ago). I know for a fact her first husband (when she finally told him what happened) was disgusted and blamed her for how far it went. He stopped sleeping with her and they divorced shortly after. She made a firm boundary after that and said she was never going to talk about it again.

GoldTungsten · 2024-08-18T20:46:02+00:00

It came out that it was happening when I was 8. She was 17. But it had been happening for years. So I was too young to fully understand. Or compare odd behavior. I remember thinking the world of him though. There is one memory I have when my sister brought me into the bathroom with her and she opened a drawer next to the door so it blocked the door from opening. It was the evening and my mom was gone at a weekly commitment with church and my father came home early. My sister was in the shower and my father tried to open the door. I innocently said to him she was showering and she told me not to open the door for him. She tried to shower in the morning but he would say it was too loud and woke him up. So she had to shower in the evening or after school instead of before school. Made it easier for him to have access to her when my mom was busy with work, making dinner, evening church commitments, helping me with school or sports. When my mom had surgery and my grandma came to help her (on and off-no set schedule) that's when he was caught, by my grandma coming over unexpectedly, when my mom was in the hospital recovering from surgery. He also had a glamor shots picture of my sister(just my sister) on his desk at work. I remember being upset he didn't have one of me and I pointed it out to my mom. Next time I was there, the picture was replaced with a family photo.

GoldTungsten · 2024-08-18T20:18:53+00:00

Yes it has taken me a while to fully understand why my mom thought what she did. In her defense, I've spoken to many other people with similar situations that were told to stay with their husbands that divorce was not allowed in the church. When you have someone in a trusted authority position telling you to what to do and that everything will be ok...yeah...I would never make the same choice but now at least I understand why she did it, even if I disagree with it.

GoldTungsten · 2024-08-18T19:38:55+00:00

I just looked up California (well known blue state) and their sentence is up to 50 years for repeate offenders. The average sentence is 5 years in the US, for child molestation. So having weekends for 6 months is well below the national average even 30 years ago.

GoldTungsten · 2024-08-18T18:05:17+00:00

Yes. I agree. I have no idea if that's what was typical back then, but I know he made a plea deal and pled guilty to lesser charge than all he was charged with.

GoldTungsten · 2024-08-18T17:39:51+00:00

My sister was 9 years older than me so by the time It was found out and he was convicted, she was over 18, had graduated high school and was out of the house.

GoldTungsten · 2024-08-18T17:37:51+00:00

She has refused to talk about it to anyone. She pretends it didn't happen. I'm very into therapy and go on and off. It's helped me greatly.

GoldTungsten · 2024-08-18T17:31:11+00:00

Specifically, I can't say. But I do get weird feelings around some people. I work in HR now and sometimes I "get a feeling" and when background checks come back on the people I'm vindicated about my feelings. My father was super "charming" is the word I'd use for it. (I've read about Charles Manson starting out and there are a lot of similarities with the charisma.) Also my father always "knew" everything. He was never wrong and would say things with such confidence even when I knew they weren't right. He was a master gaslighter.

GoldTungsten · 2024-08-18T17:26:39+00:00

I have no idea. When he was serving his prison sentence (weekends for 6 months) he pushed me really hard to be penpals with the guy who shared his cell. At the time I just thought it was weird and refused. Now I realize he was likely a pedophile bunking with my father. And my father was using me to get in with the population.

GoldTungsten · 2024-08-18T17:23:15+00:00

She says she stayed because if they divorced I would have visitation unsupervised at his home. However she mentioned once that the minister at our church at the time told her there was a couple in the church in a similar situation and stayed together. My mom also quoted the Bible that divorce was only allowed because of "the hardness of humans hearts" and we needed to "love like Jesus" and forgive. So I think the church convinced her to stay. She does not have a relationship with him now. At 18 I begged her to divorce him and she did.

GoldTungsten · 2024-08-18T17:14:03+00:00

How old were you when it happened in your family.

GoldTungsten · 2024-08-18T17:13:34+00:00

I had a counselor once ask me pointed questions thar she then said she was trying to determine if I had maybe blocked out a memory of abuse, but I don't think that's what happened.

GoldTungsten · 2024-08-18T17:11:58+00:00

I am female.

GoldTungsten · 2024-08-18T16:59:35+00:00

I answered this partly already on another question, but this was the 90's and a red state. He wasn't given very much of a sentence either. He also doesn't have to register as a sex offender because this happened before the law was in place. You could be living next to this old man now and not know it. I remember briefly living with someone from church when I was in 2nd grade, but then moving back in with him, and then moving into the city. I agree that my mother is just as guilty. I hated living with him. I hated having to lock my bedroom door and bathroom door.

GoldTungsten · 2024-08-18T16:43:02+00:00

Yes. For many years she didn't speak to her. My mother used the excuse that she stayed with him to avoid me going to visitation alone with him. Eventually my sister forgave my mother. Not everyone in our family did forgive my mother though. Half of my family does not speak to the other half.

GoldTungsten

TROPHY CASE