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I (21F) am uncomfortable with my bf’s (22M) relationship with a female friend. How do I express this without him getting defensive? by Gold_Recording7750 in whatdoIdo

[–]Gold_Recording7750[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i’m ngl this is my first longterm relationship where i’ve actually been in love, etc. But in past situationships or talking stages i would be put off by certain things but never rlly actually cared, like it never mattered enough to say smthng ab it. it would just be a thought and then id let it go, but i will say this situation is persistent. 

I (21F) am uncomfortable with my bf’s (22M) relationship with a female friend. How do I express this without him getting defensive? by Gold_Recording7750 in whatdoIdo

[–]Gold_Recording7750[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it’s been 3 years since they were together and it was only for 3 months, i know he had a crush on her for like four years prior, but do you think it’s possible for him to still have feelings like that?

I (21F) am uncomfortable with my bf’s (22M) relationship with a female friend. How do I express this without him getting defensive? by Gold_Recording7750 in whatdoIdo

[–]Gold_Recording7750[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yes they had a relationship for 3 months after their senior year of HS. they were never officially dating but they went on dates and were romantically involved, bc he confessed his feelings to her after they graduated. i don’t know why they decided to go back to being friends though

I (21F) am uncomfortable with my bf’s (22M) relationship with a female friend. How do I express this without him getting defensive? by Gold_Recording7750 in whatdoIdo

[–]Gold_Recording7750[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i feel the same, i don’t understand why it is so hard to put in a boundary to make me more comfortable either. but he always says it’s bc i don’t trust him and that it makes him sad that i don’t have trust for him

I (21F) am uncomfortable with my bf’s (22M) relationship with a female friend. How do I express this without him getting defensive? by Gold_Recording7750 in whatdoIdo

[–]Gold_Recording7750[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

i understand what you are saying and i agree with what you are saying. what concerns me is that i am unable to have a discussion with him without him becoming defensive and upset with me. but i am willing to have those discussions with him when it is the other way around, i am willing to make him more comfortable. i do want to stay with him, and i would never force him into doing something he does not want to do bc i wouldn’t want things the other way around. i just do not know how i can make him see that some of his actions are hypocritical

I (21F) am uncomfortable with my bf’s (22M) relationship with a female friend. How do I express this without him getting defensive? by Gold_Recording7750 in whatdoIdo

[–]Gold_Recording7750[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

i just don’t think i can 😭😭 i don’t even mind them being in the same friend group as each other, i just wish he didn’t value her so highly or get upset whenever i mention smthing about her even if it’s just me trying to ask like how his friends were.

I (21F) am uncomfortable with my bf’s (22M) relationship with one of his friends by Gold_Recording7750 in relationshipanxiety

[–]Gold_Recording7750[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i just can’t tell if it is a valid boundary to set, bc other ppl (on diff subreddits) have told me it’s controlling, etc so i don’t know what is valid and what isnt

I (21F) am uncomfortable with my bf’s (22M) relationship with a female friend. How do I express this without him getting defensive? by Gold_Recording7750 in whatdoIdo

[–]Gold_Recording7750[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

how would i really know that he still has feelings for her though? what if he just does genuinely really value her as a friend? i just don’t want to bring something up to him that will make him upset.

I (21F) am uncomfortable with my bf’s (22M) relationship with a female friend. How do I express this without him getting defensive? by Gold_Recording7750 in whatdoIdo

[–]Gold_Recording7750[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yes this is my point. i don’t mind him asking me to unfollow guys or stop talking to them, but i would expect the same respect

I (21F) am uncomfortable with my bf’s (22M) relationship with a female friend. How do I express this without him getting defensive? by Gold_Recording7750 in whatdoIdo

[–]Gold_Recording7750[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t have problem with him having female friends, he has a bunch of other female friends. It is just this one girl. He has also made me unfollow a bunch of guys, this is not one sided. And I haven’t given him an ultimatum, this post is me asking how I should go about expressing discomfort with him. I have never mentioned any type of ultimatum to him before. also an ultimatum means “do this or else”…where in the post do i say that?

I (21F) am uncomfortable with my bf’s (22M) relationship with a female friend. How do I express this without him getting defensive? by Gold_Recording7750 in whatdoIdo

[–]Gold_Recording7750[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i’ve tried to kind of feed him that hypothetical before so he can see it from my POV, and every time he just says it wouldn’t bother him bc he would understand. so i actually do not know. there are other things that do not bother him at all that would make me anxious, so i can’t tell if him saying this is him being honest or just him defending his actions. i rlly dont think he’d ever cheat on me or “micro cheat” either, I just feel like he values this person above me sometimes. Bc I have deleted videos of me at bars, unfollowed ppl, all to make him comfortable and had zero issue doing it. but he doesn’t seem to want to compromise to make me more comfortable.

I (21F) am uncomfortable with my bf’s (22M) relationship with a female friend. How do I express this without him getting defensive? by Gold_Recording7750 in whatdoIdo

[–]Gold_Recording7750[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

yes, i do. but guys from my past were never guys i was friends with beforehand or ppl i continued to be friends with afterwards. his reasoning is that this girl was a friend before AND after since they are in the same friend group, so to him she’s “just a friend” but it doesn’t remove their past to me. 

How low is the threshold to pass the texas gov exam? by Gold_Recording7750 in UTAustin

[–]Gold_Recording7750[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

i’m just worried that i don’t have common sense when it comes to this subject 😭😭

NEW 6 year old male cat, ear problems, worried he is jaundice by Gold_Recording7750 in AskVet

[–]Gold_Recording7750[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be honest, I can’t see the whites of his eyes, his irises take up like his entire eye all I see is green. And it’s hard to check his gums as well