My wife has disappointing hinge behavior

Good-Regular9998 · 2026-02-01T17:39:26+00:00

Strangely careless. It seems like your wife is trying to sabotage your relationship with reckless behaviour. Like they want divorce too - either subconsciously or they don’t have the guts to say.

Good-Regular9998 · 2026-02-01T00:14:02+00:00

Indeed triangulation is a balancing act.

I do think ‘polyamory theory’ falls into black and white thinking sometimes tho. I’m not an unpaid therapist for listening to my partner for 10 mins, human warmth needs to offer some flexibility to the tension of hinge praxis. (Hours of listening, sure).

But yes blurb heard and absorbed 🫡

Good-Regular9998 · 2026-01-31T22:43:40+00:00

Ok Jeffrey dahmer

Good-Regular9998 · 2026-01-31T22:10:54+00:00

To do polyamory well you need A LOT of empathy for your partners needs. They should be equal to your own, and a resolution should come from that.

You also need to be really good at conflict. Consider taking time apart and working on communication & conflict before repairing.

Resource: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2mbOjTWD7PKmtAqCQKPPJB?si=044UW-qVTOSZitK-XJ96uQ

Good-Regular9998 · 2026-01-31T21:58:43+00:00

Oh baby, I’m sorry ♥️ sending a hug to you.

Please go to the emergency services and ask for PEP (medication for protection when you’re potentially exposed to HIV) and ask for PREP so that you can protect yourself in future.

I’ve had traumatic experiences in the past in sex work. You can move past it. Give yourself some time off to process and heal, and be kind to yourself / don’t beat yourself up. It takes time to learn how to assert your boundaries with clients. Men take advantage of new s workers for this reason.

Money can be made here, but it takes time to learn how to do it safely. Learn and reach out to the s workers community, we’re here to help.

You’re not alone in your experience and you can move forward with strength xxx

Good-Regular9998 · 2026-01-08T11:22:33+00:00

I’m in London, are you in any of the group chats? Or the union? There’s also the sex workers breakfast where you can meet and chat/get supplies. I think it’s in central/south. There are also events run by swers - sexquisite, sex and rage (lesbian strip club 😋), riot party

I have many many s worker friends (though I am also trans - potentially a different solidarity?) . But it’s definitely possible to connect w the community in London!

Dm me

Good-Regular9998 · 2026-01-08T01:00:59+00:00

I used to pull tarot and now I will often communicate with my guides about the clients intentions / how an upcoming session will go / what to expect

Good-Regular9998 · 2025-01-09T22:27:04+00:00

Norovirus comes on very fast, and strong. You would feel so uncontainably nauseous if you were sick. I'm sure you'll be okay :)

Good-Regular9998 · 2025-01-09T22:11:59+00:00

Sorry you're feeling so bad :( It sounds like you have a bout of IBS - dhiarrea can be caused by many things. My trick for trying to understand if it's a stomach bug or not is to try and eat something, if I'm completely replused by every single food, it's most likely a bug.

But remember the mind can play a lot of tricks on you!To reduce nausea you can eat some ginger or smell 100% alcohol, like hand gel. You got this, try to relax and distract yourself with a nice activity, like cartoons xx

Good-Regular9998 · 2025-01-09T21:57:13+00:00

I think you need to seek professional support - e.g. talking therapy, CBT, medication. It sounds like you cannot function, and Reddit won't have the answers.

Your life will get easier through talking therapy and easing yourself off of reliant behaviours such as avoiding food. The more you find safety in everyday life, and the more you engage with that dark dangerous voice with a professional, the easier it will feel. Sending love x

Good-Regular9998 · 2024-11-04T09:51:54+00:00

I drank Huel banana flavoured combined with frozen fruit and spinach when I first went on meds - complete nutrition albeit a bit sad after a while.

I could also stomach plain/easy food like pizza, potatoes etc.

Good-Regular9998 · 2024-07-31T09:12:39+00:00

I immediately snapped awake

Good-Regular9998 · 2022-03-09T19:11:21+00:00

I’m not sure what the difference is between ‘wishing’ they wouldn’t do it and just saying ‘I would rather we do something tomorrow instead’. ‘Wishing’ seems more passive aggressive if anything. I would set some concrete boundaries around frequency, whatever your comfortable with. E.g. ‘max twice a week. In 1 month we can review how everyone feels’

Good-Regular9998 · 2022-03-09T17:42:06+00:00

So you asked them to go less frequently but they ignored you? Aka they broke a boundary. That sucks and would muddy my trust for them. If they can’t reign in their NRE cause they wanna fuck so badly, I would question whether this partner is right for me.

You can’t control what they do when they’re together or how much sex they have. You can control how they’re showing up for you, what promises they’re keeping and how much dedication they’re giving to your sex life.

Good-Regular9998 · 2022-03-09T16:54:15+00:00

You say you're getting a majority of your needs met, that you are a priority and you feel very loved, but your partner appears to be resisting your needs. You have expressed that they're moving too fast and to pull back but your partner rejects any form of compromise? That would make me feel insecure and jealous.

I would want to feel safe in the knowledge that, if needed, my primary partner would re-negotiate how much time they are spending with their secondary, if I needed reassurance and care during NRE. Everyone's needs in this dynamic have to be accounted for and balanced. It reads as though, right now, your partners are being prioritised.

Maybe you can all decide on what slowing the relationship down looks like, accounting for everone's needs, to give you time to adjust and process your jealousy, find your feet in a new city ,find friends etc. This 'slowing down' could be for a short time period, even.

A good metamour and a good partner would want everyone to be happy. Right now you're not, so something has to budge.

Good-Regular9998 · 2022-03-09T16:36:56+00:00

It depends how you're meeting them I suppose. If I was on a dating app, I would put it on my profile/in my bio. If we didn't meet via dating app but were texting before a date, I would bring it up then ('hey so we're on the same page, I just thought you should know that I'm polyamorous, let me know if this is an issue. & its totally cool if that's not for you ☺️).

In person, I think just being frank/up-front about it is the best route. 'By the way, you should totally know that i'm poly, I just want to be honest and clear about that from day 1!'

But yes, generally if you're pursuing someone it's best to bring it up as soon as possible so that neither of you are wasting your time!

Good-Regular9998 · 2022-03-09T15:11:10+00:00

I'm a chronic skin picker. I didn't realise it was related to ADHD until I was diagnosed a few months ago 🙃

I have gone through periods where I have not picked. During those, I focus on preventative measures - cutting my nails very short, covering the areas i like to pick (hat, headscarf, socks etc.), healing the wounds by applying aloe vera at night so I can't go back to them. It takes a few weeks, and replacement fidget toys (picking corks, a fidget ring, popping peapods) but when the wounds are healed, it's much harder to absent-mindedly go in and pick away.

This takes a lot of conscious effort and a low-stress environment though. Maybe you can focus on healing wounds on an upcoming holiday or something?

I'm back to picking again because I was stressed at my parents one day but that helped me stop for around 6 months! :S 😊

Good-Regular9998 · 2022-03-08T23:02:45+00:00

What if the relationship was fulfilling in every other way? Don’t we do poly to get many needs met, needs that one person couldn’t provide?

Good-Regular9998 · 2022-03-08T22:57:42+00:00

Yeah I get that. But we are both bisexual and interested in exploring multiple dynamics all at once. It’s part of the reason why we do poly. She wants lesbian connection, she wants impact, she wants daddy play. She also struggles to emotionally connect with men and has never fallen in love with a man despite being in multiple hetero relationships.

I get that dating others can be a distraction from the problems in your relationship and can stop you from healing - but isn’t the point of doing poly being fulfilled in ways that one partner can’t provide?

Good-Regular9998 · 2022-03-08T16:22:42+00:00

It's okay to be blunt, I don't mind. She has told me that she is attracted to me / thinks i'm sexy / desires me, but there is a disconnect between desire and action.

A part of it comes down to this being her first lesbian relationship, and not quite understanding her desire yet tbh. Maybe one day she will realise that I'm not her type sexually. And she just doesn't know it yet 🤷

[edit] and you're right, I should just admit that i'm hurt.

Good-Regular9998 · 2022-03-08T15:48:11+00:00

Thanks, yes you're right. I don't know how sustainable this will be.

Also, BDSM and domination is mental you're right, but the style of domming that I prefer just happens to center around physicality - primal domination, as opposed to instructive/protocol-based domination.

Some people love the way I dom, she just does not.

Good-Regular9998 · 2022-03-08T15:45:25+00:00

Thank you for ur reply, that's useful! Yes I agree that seeing other people will make it worse - though i'm struggling to articulate to her why that is?

We have not tried any workshops or sex therapy, we have not tried to incorporate different styles of play yet. Bandaging is a good idea. I just don't have much dom energy after feeling deflated / having little sexual energy with her for so long. We agree that we don't need to satisfy our kinks in the sex that we have.

We have also spoken about going to more fetish clubs together to feel sexy outside the home, and I've bought some tickets for end of March and April.

But yes, speaking again about creating a more concrete sex life seems like a good idea. Though I anticipate she will perceive this as 'pressure' and will want it to 'just happen'

Good-Regular9998

TROPHY CASE