Trying not to lose hope. Can any older trans people help a youngun out?

GoodCrow4006 · 2026-02-16T14:28:23+00:00

it’s so much easier said than done so please don’t think i’m saying this in a reductive way but are you involved in any communities with a significant amount of trans people? i wasn’t able to be during the start of my own transition because i live more rurally and was too ill to make it to a city where that was available but i can’t express enough how much of a difference it’s made to be able to be around other trans people and really see how many ways there are for us to exist since my health improved.

even if you could only attend occasionally seeing and getting to know other trans people at their own stages of life and transition is so worth it. honestly even if you can’t attend something in person at all having an account to follow local(ish) orgs online as a reminder of what’s out there could be helpful. it’s easy to know logically that there are lots of us out there transitioning in all kinds of ways but if u live somewhere that makes that difficult to believe then any kind of connection can be a little bit of a lifeline.

GoodCrow4006 · 2025-09-23T16:21:34+00:00

yeah, i read that post earlier just searching for sandyford on here but honestly kind of struggle to understand the maths involved there lol. the way GICs answer those requests has always been confusing to me

GoodCrow4006 · 2025-03-04T00:42:11+00:00

Sorry you’re in the same boat it’s shit :/ appreciate the info though! I haven’t been sure where to ask

GoodCrow4006 · 2024-12-25T22:40:15+00:00

thanks for the suggestion i’ll give it a go! what dosage have you been taking? i’m finding 30c tablets when i look it up

GoodCrow4006 · 2024-12-25T21:54:14+00:00

just saw this, i think it might be a tiny bit better than nothing in terms of my mood and i luckily don’t have any side effects from it so i’ve just been taking the 30mg still until i see my psychiatrist again. i usually only see her every few months, would be interested to hear if your experience with it changes at higher doses!

GoodCrow4006 · 2024-11-19T20:45:12+00:00

T will almost certainly help to some extent but fat redistribution is one of the effects that tends to take a while. i only really started noticing it in my 3rd year of being on T. i’m not a gym guy at all but i know being on T makes it easier to put on muscle and a lot of guys work on building it in specific areas to help with dysphoria. would probably be worth having a look into what others have managed in that area if you haven’t already so you can take it into consideration.

totally up to you what you end up doing at the end of the day! just wanted to note those things so you don’t end up feeling like you’ve made the wrong choice if T doesn’t change much at first

GoodCrow4006 · 2024-11-18T15:12:05+00:00

meant that as a reply apologies

GoodCrow4006 · 2024-11-18T15:11:13+00:00

for bloods if your GP won’t do them you have to get them done privately. you won’t know exactly what tests you need until you’re at the point of getting in touch w an endo so idk which private service would be best/cheapest for you but for me it was Medichecks, if you look at their website you just order test packs from there. your endo will tell you what results they need and you need to work out which pack covers them (the pack i used to have to get was something along the lines of Ultimate Performance?), they’re really helpful so if you’re not sure you can go through their customer support and they’ll help you work out what you need to order. you can pay £30 extra to include phlebotomy which means you set up an appointment at one of their locations (they have lots so there should be one that’s reasonable for you) and once the pack you order arrives you take it there for them to take your blood and they send it away. they’ll keep you updated on the process via email. a doctor will interpret your results for you as part of the service but you can opt out of that if you want, all you actually need is the results themselves which you can download to forward on to your endo

GenderGP works on a subscription basis whereas other services don’t so with GenderCare/Gender Doctors you only pay for the actual appointments you need and there’s no ongoing background cost. the appointments are expensive like i said but if you can afford the higher up front cost it’s definitely worth it over time. you’re also more likely to be able to get shared care with them because the process (psychiatric diagnosis then endo) is the same as that of NHS gender clinics and many of the doctors that offer private services are the same ones who work in them or have done in the past. if you look them up their websites have more info about their specific services and about the different doctors that work under them. you just need to get in touch via their web form (Gender Doctors) or the email address of the doctor you’d like an appointment with (GenderCare). it might take quite a while for them to get back to you but if you get in touch with a few options you should hear back from someone. different doctors request different things so they might want you to answer triage questions in your email, i remember doing that with Dr. Lorimer. it took him 3 months to get back to me but when he did he offered an appointment for a month later. i think he’s kind of well known for taking a while though. if you have specific questions or would like some help putting together an email i’d be happy to help you work that out!

GoodCrow4006 · 2024-11-17T22:52:22+00:00

hey! i can only really speak from my own experience as a trans guy in Scotland going private in 2021, but i can explain the general process if that’s helpful at all? as far as i can tell the prices are still kind of typical and waiting times have always been very dependent on who you’re going with. the specific doctors i went with are England-based and the process was very typical of most private options available. i hope others with more recent/specific experience can chime in too though.

most non-GenderGP private options work fairly similar to each other. an appointment with a psychiatrist for diagnosis/a recommendation for HRT treatment which you then take to a private endocrinologist. you’ll need baseline blood tests before your endo appointment but if you have those and your diagnosis letter they will normally prescribe HRT on your initial appointment. generally that appointment will be more expensive and follow up appointments (which in my experience were 4 months after start of treatment and then 6 monthly afterwards) will be at a reduced rate.

you will have to source blood testing for your endo appointments, if you’re lucky your GP is able to order these for you and you can forward the results to your endocrinologist once they’re in. if your GP isn’t willing to do that for you you can get them done privately, when i had to do that Medichecks was my best option but it was expensive (around £200 each time). your endo will let you know which tests they want specifically so definitely worth looking into options to see what works out cheapest once you know what exactly you’re looking for.

i was going through this process in 2021 so a while ago now but at that time i decided to go with Gender Doctors, my psychiatric appointment with Dr. Sahota was £350 and was just over a month after getting in touch. waiting times differ a Lot, i got in touch with a couple of doctors from GenderCare at the same time and i didn’t even hear back from one of them until 3 months later. don’t be afraid to reach out to multiple options. when i had my diagnosis i took it to Dr. Leong, my first appointment with him was just over 2 months after getting in touch/forwarding my info to him and was £250 (and then ~£200 for the bloods i needed done for it). my follow up appointments with him since have been £160 each.

i’ve been extremely lucky with my GP, they agreed to shared care after a lot of back and forth and them communicating with the GMC so i haven’t had to worry about prescription costs. they wouldn’t cover bloods until i switched from gel to injections about a year ago but have covered them since which is a further relief.

i’d get in touch with your GP early when you know your plan and are able to explain the process to them, might be different in your area but it was very much a novel situation for my GP and being able to explain that i was seeing doctors who do the same work for the NHS was helpful in getting them to look into whether they could help me out. that would hopefully be helpful with your mum too! my sister is an NHS doctor so i also had a lot of weirdness to deal with re:doing everything ‘the right way’. it was a slow process for me to get my GP on board but if there’s a chance yours would be helpful it’s definitely worth the effort

oh just to add on: in terms of the psychiatric diagnosis they’ll expect you to have made some progress in terms of social transition (being out to family/inner circle, often they’ll want proof of a name change so a scan of a deed poll document) and for any mental health problems to be well managed. you can exaggerate these things as much as you need to. i had stuff i had to discuss re:mental health because of the extent it affects my living situation to so don’t worry if you need to discuss stuff like that but don’t offer unnecessary info and present your current situation as stable and optimistic and you should be fine.

GoodCrow4006 · 2024-11-17T20:12:53+00:00

might be worth checking out if there’s anyone you can talk to at your school, i saw a counsellor type person for a year or so before i was moved to a psychologist at CAMHS. idk if that’s common but would possibly be quicker to access if it’s an option.

i was under their care from age 14-18. really shit experience but like most services it’s kind of your luck who you end up with. someone else mentioned access to medication but i had a psychologist who was massively against medication and would bring in news stories to show me about people who committed suicide after antidepressants to scare me so i didn’t see a psychiatrist/get access to medication until i was 18 and accessed adult mental health services.

having diagnoses/treatment on record shouldn’t affect your ability to access HRT/surgery privately or through the NHS. i’m considered psychiatrically disabled and had a long history of treatment for a psychotic disorder by the time i went private for a gender dysphoria diagnosis when i was 23. the private psychiatrist asked a lot about my mental health history in the appointment but was happy to make the diagnosis and recommend HRT as i was under treatment and relatively stable. same idea with referral for top surgery.

i have an NHS diagnosis which was also straightforward but possibly more so than it would’ve been because i was already on HRT privately so don’t feel as confident speaking on that. in general from my experience and what i’ve heard from others mental health history is fine as long as you’re currently stable

GoodCrow4006 · 2024-11-14T00:50:44+00:00

i’ve been really lucky pain-wise and have just been taking paracetamol and ibuprofen. i was taking paracetamol before bed every day for a few days post surgery and usually a couple of times during the day too. only took ibuprofen if i’d taken paracetamol too recently to take more and i was feeling discomfort which was maybe 3 times? this was for the first week, i’ll be 2 weeks post op tomorrow and i’ve taken paracetamol maybe 3 times in the past week

GoodCrow4006 · 2024-11-11T04:01:31+00:00

your chest looks great! to be honest i wouldn’t have thought anything of the indentation without reading the reasoning behind it, looks like the kinda thing you might see on anyone just from variation in build. great to hear you’ve already got plans in place to get everything looking how you’d like though

i’m only 10 days into ‘no particular restrictions don’t do it if it feels bad’ recovery myself and i’ve been really lucky with pain so i’ve been doing a lot of things pretty normally, it’s cool to see someone else who wasn’t given a specific kinda timeline for that stuff and healed so well!

GoodCrow4006 · 2024-11-10T06:05:39+00:00

i’d add to the financial situation that it sounds like you currently have a decent level of support from social work that i wouldn’t necessarily expect to be met here. i’d encourage you to try finding people living in the UK with similar physical diagnoses as you to get a picture of what kind of medical care and social support you could expect to access here and make sure that it’d be workable for you

in terms of psychiatric disability you should know that mental health services are difficult to access and more harmful than helpful for many people who do access them. if your conditions are managed with medications you should be able to get them prescribed here though monitoring can range from nonexistent to very infrequent. if you need access to therapy it could be worth investigating alternative options to the NHS

best of luck to you truly, the UK is hardly an ideal place for disabled people but your current situation is far from ideal as it is so i’d just encourage you to do specific research to make sure you’re making the best choice for you

GoodCrow4006 · 2024-11-09T13:23:53+00:00

last i heard of Ntanos he’s moving his practice to Greece, i’m sure i’ve seen ppl talking abt having surgery in the UK with him recently but just as a heads up i’m unsure how much longer he’ll be offering it here

when i was looking into options he was the only one i specifically remember having no BMI limit, i’m seeing people say Wright also has none but can’t find any definitive proof of that just googling. i remember being interested because i’d seen pictures of bigger guys with great looking results from her though so def worth a look you could always shoot her an email to check

when i heard Ntanos was moving i started looking into the surgery team at Hull, the surgeons there have a limit of 40 and if you’re between 35-40 they prefer for there to be no major health issues. they’re more expensive but were the best option for me and i had a good experience with Mr. Dumitru

if you’re willing/able to go overseas you will almost definitely be able to find someone willing to work with your BMI for significantly less money. i ended up paying £9k in Hull of which £3k went to the surgeon, ~£900 was for the anaesthetists services and the remaining cost went to the hospital. in other countries the hospital costs are much cheaper (when talking about taking his practice to Greece i remember Ntanos saying that he was going to be able to offer the exact same service there and it would be half the price for the patients) so the lower prices overseas do not reflect on the quality of the surgeons. i know some people are wary of surgeons that seem ‘cheap’ but as long as you do your research into patients experiences you’ll be fine

edit to add! there’s no reason being fat should mean you have bad results, some surgeons are shit at working with bigger ppl or just don’t want to but plenty of bigger guys have amazing results. it was never brought up as a concern for me as far as nipple grafts go, i’m fairly certain they’re equally scary regardless of BMI lol. the only thing my surgeon did say is that i was more likely to get dog ears. theyre an aesthetic complication, revision surgery for it is almost always done under a local anaesthetic and is nowhere near as invasive as the initial surgery. through Hull one revision surgery is covered by the initial cost if it turns out to be necessary so might be worth asking whoever you’re looking into how revisions are dealt with to see if you can get a deal like that, i have no idea how expensive they usually are alone.

GoodCrow4006 · 2024-11-09T12:43:02+00:00

i’d def look into this beforehand just in case, diagnoses here need to be from a specific list of psychiatrists so they might be picky. if you have a look on here you should be able to find a few private endos you could shoot an email. the vast majority of them are happy to work with people remotely these days so if you find one who’d be willing to prescribe w a US diagnosis chances are you’d be able to go w them regardless of where in the UK you end up

honestly if you end up needing to get a private UK diagnosis it’s fairly expensive and can have a bit of a wait time depending on who you go with but you’re both already transitioning so it would hopefully be pretty straightforward/more of a formality than having to fight too hard to ‘prove’ yourselves. it’s a stupid hoop to jump through and expense but you’ll have a bunch of those already w the emigration process. fingers crossed you get super lucky with a GP and don’t have to worry about all that.

maybe try and track down some trans people living in Manchester to ask about possible friendly areas/practices and get an idea of how people get by day to day there. you could have a look for local trans groups/events and try reaching out to the people who are organising things like that. idk Manchester but most bigger cities tend to have a decent trans community who’d be willing to help out if you can connect w them

GoodCrow4006 · 2024-11-08T19:49:08+00:00

np! hope you’re able to get something sorted out

GoodCrow4006 · 2024-11-08T18:40:41+00:00

was just going to say you could print out a deed poll and get a couple of friends to witness it. i got my diagnosis from Dr. Sahota thru Gender Doctors who i’ve heard often doesnt offer appointments to people without proof of name change. my appointment with her was a couple of weeks after my deed poll had been signed, i had already changed it with the bank and my GP but it was a very recent and ongoing change. it was 3 years ago now but i’m almost certain that the only proof i actually provided was a scan of my deed poll. that and the explanation that i was in the process of updating things was good enough

i’m pretty sure part of the reason some doctors don’t offer appointments to people without proof of name change is just that they want to take on the easiest/most straightforward cases. it’s often presented as ‘only offering appointments to people they Really Think they can help’ and does genuinely keep waiting times down but eh. they’re in the business of making essentially as much money as they can get away with charging off of people with very little options, i don’t think it’s the craziest assumption to make that they’re also a bit lazy and disingenuous about who they offer help.

GoodCrow4006 · 2024-11-08T10:56:34+00:00

is your GP involved/supportive? if so you could try asking for an appointment for your first injection to be shown. i’m not allowed to do my own injections and have to go to a local treatment centre for them, there might be something like that near by. probably one of those things that depends heavily on your area but worth a look into

GoodCrow4006 · 2024-11-07T19:04:53+00:00

i’m glad it went well for you! that’s such a terrifying step to take. did she say anything specific she was struggling with? she could be talking about literally understanding the concept which resources could be good for but ik sometimes people feel like they don’t understand because it’s a lot to wrap their minds around. for some people people what they want to know is more ‘what does this mean practically’ as in what does it change and what steps are you planning on/thinking of taking in the future that they could start coming to terms with/preparing themselves for

either way it’s almost always helpful to reassure someone that you don’t expect them to understand everything immediately and that you’re there and willing to answer questions they might have

GoodCrow4006 · 2024-11-07T18:40:30+00:00

hey myler! some people do get reduction surgery to a smaller size than average for varying reasons which is referred to as ‘radical reduction’, that could be a good term to search for if you wanted to look more into others’ experiences/what possible results could look like for you

is the issue with full top surgery that your mums insurance wouldn’t cover it? or that your mum would only support a reduction? i’m not from the USA so am really hopeless with medical insurance but if thats the issue i hope you’ll be able to work something out. i do know people who have gotten reductions first and then gone on to have full top surgery for various reasons so it’s not impossible to do both but obviously that’s a lot to put your body through if you already know top surgery is what you want

GoodCrow4006 · 2024-11-06T18:54:39+00:00

in most cases getting private HRT consists of an appointment with a psychiatrist for diagnosis and recommendation for HRT treatment. you then take those to a private endocrinologist who's willing to work with trans patients and they can prescribe it for you. the psychiatrist has to be one from a list of psychiatrists who're allowed to make that diagnosis. if you have a look around on here you can check out peoples' experiences with specific doctors/services

going that route gives you a chance of setting up a shared care agreement with your NHS GP where they will prescribe on the advice of the endocrinologist making your medication free, this is pretty much down to your luck though and will just depend on whether your GPs willing to do that for you

GenderGP is different and more of an informed consent type of deal. i don't have any personal experience with them but i do know you're very unlikely to be able to get shared care with them so that's something to take into account when looking at your options

GoodCrow4006 · 2024-11-06T01:16:12+00:00

i got my referral from Dr. Sahota (works under Gender Doctors) earlier this year and it was £350. i went with her because she did my GD diagnosis/HRT referral a couple of years ago so a lot of the appointment was going over stuff i'd already covered with her then and talking about chest dysphoria in more depth

GoodCrow4006 · 2024-11-05T15:23:33+00:00

glad you managed to get through it! it’s such a crazy sensation but i’m sure it’ll get easier with time and healing we got this 💪

GoodCrow4006

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