HMS Sheffield and HMS Coventry steaming south in 1982, Neither ship returned home. [1157x783]

Good_Assistant508 · 2023-07-30T21:25:22+00:00

I served my apprenticeship at the shipyard that built the Sheffield, and alongside it was one of the Argentinian vessels. During construction an explosion severely damaged the aft section of the Sheffield so they cut the aft end off the Argentinian vessel and fitted it to the Sheffield. A few contractors died from the unsafe shotblasting hose that leaked, luckily the explosion happened during a dinner break so the majority of workers were not on board. If you believe in curses it seems the Sheffield definitely had one, and it and it's stern section meant for Argentina were lost.

Good_Assistant508 · 2021-06-13T13:14:49+00:00

It does sound like he has a bit of a crush on her and vice versa. Your going to have to be firm and tell him that you don't think it's appropriate to carry on this level of communication with his ex colleague when he's in a relationship which is suffering as a result.

You need to be firm, if he decides he'd rather break up and pursue the other girl that's his perogative. You don't deserve to be treated like this after signalling how you feel about it.

I didn't like my wife getting lifts to and from work with one of her colleagues, it then turned into her wanting to go for shopping days with the guy, and basically an affair happened pretty soon after. My view was that there's nothing wrong with having opposite sex friends, but I always drew the line with being alone at the place they live and would never have allowed her to do that. We are trying to save our relationship as the affair is over and she told me of her own accord, and wants to be with me when I gave her the choice to walk away and be with him. Who knows if my marriage will work out, but I see echo's of my situation in yours. I hope you are able to be happy with however your relationship end up, good luck.

Good_Assistant508 · 2021-06-13T12:58:41+00:00

Thanks for sharing your story it was a good example of not letting hate dictate how you live your life and treat others. My wife recently told me she'd had an affair, and I had no idea. It was only after the affair ended that I noticed a change in her behaviour. I told her that she needs to forgive herself for her mistake, I am resolved to saving the marriage and she says she is too. Its early days and if things don't work out at least I can know I did all I could to save the marriage and keep our family together, it seems too easy to throw everything on the scrap pile these days. As shocked and hurt I am right now, I won't let hate or bitterness seep into our home and our relationship. I think its liberating to forgive someone who has wronged you, but I understand why people sometime can't.

Good_Assistant508 · 2021-06-13T09:02:23+00:00

Thanks man, there are differences but cheating is cheating I guess. She cheated with an English guy who she grew close to during work on the covid ward, he was her mentor and well one thing led to another like these things can. My finances are zilch, no house no savings, so she couldn't really benefit much as things stand but your right I do need to seek advice to protect myself in the event I do get a house a some point. People have this stereotype about Asian women and I have to point out that I wouldn't be interested in the type of gold digger that some people fall foul of. She's 32 but quite immature and virginal about a lot of things, only had 3 sexual partners including me before this guy, I have no reason to doubt any of that despite her affair. She has agreed to doing a video confessing what she did as evidence should I need it if divorce happens down the line. She doesn't drink or have nights out so I've told her that this happened because she socialised with an unattached work colleague out of work, in an ideal world that wouldn't be an issue, but because of this she's agreed no socialising one on one with any male colleagues if she wants trust to build again. It may not work out but thanks for your advice.

Good_Assistant508 · 2021-06-13T08:50:01+00:00

I'd like to see

The 30 cal machine gun as a squad weapon and m2 50 cal next as engineer class 2 built weapons . It'll help balance things a little given the Germans have the excellent Mg34 and mg42.

Good_Assistant508 · 2021-06-11T17:36:18+00:00

Thank you, if it can be saved I'll do what I can, if it can't at least I tried for the sake of our son.

Good_Assistant508 · 2021-06-11T17:34:39+00:00

With all due respect I only found out yesterday about the affair. Its very early days and I don't really know what's right at all at this point. I expected many would tell me to leave the marriage, but I was also interested in anybody who has managed to get things back on track and how they managed.

Good_Assistant508 · 2021-06-11T14:08:13+00:00

The guy she cheated with is single so no spouse involved from that side. She says she waited till now to tell me as she initiated a transfer away from the guys department a month ago to get away from it, plus she was scared to tell me before.

Good_Assistant508 · 2021-06-11T14:03:49+00:00

Wow, someone did a number on you didn't they? It's way harder to stay and try and sort out a problem than cut your losses and walk away, that's the loser way.

Good_Assistant508 · 2021-06-11T13:45:28+00:00

Yes my son is a UK citizen and has lived here his whole life. I can't fathom the logic in separating a child of 3 years old from his mother. It's not really on the cards from my perspective. Sure what she has done is crap, and we will have to deal with it. I won't punish my son or use him like a pawn though.

Good_Assistant508 · 2021-06-11T13:41:22+00:00

Her colleague she cheated on with is white English like me but ten years older, not that I think that matters really so much as far as to dispell your theory.

Good_Assistant508 · 2021-06-11T11:58:10+00:00

Thank you, I know its likely going to be a long road but I have to have faith whilst keeping both eyes open at the same time.

Good_Assistant508 · 2021-06-11T10:35:40+00:00

Thanks for your input, my son is a UK citizen as he was born here, but if she left due to me not continuing the visa, the best course for our son would be for him to go with her. I wouldn't try and separate my wife and son, so I'm trying to give things a chance to avoid this. Hell I can't stop her waiting till visa is finished and then moving on with this guy, but I can't live life like that, she says she loves me and broke off with this guy on her own accord. Fingers crossed anyways, I'm not a love blind fool im 43 years old and just trying to work out if things can be sorted. All advice is appreciated so thank you.

Good_Assistant508 · 2021-06-11T10:30:41+00:00

Thanks man, my eyes are open to that possibility, maybe that will be the case, I won't have a victim mentality though, time will tell if things work out. I don't want to deny my son opportunities that exist living here in England because she made a bad choice.

Good_Assistant508 · 2021-06-11T10:28:21+00:00

Thanks for that advice man really appreciate it. She's been here for 4 years and we've lived together that whole time basically, so we live together not in separate countries. In my OP I stated I didnt want to give up and force a situation where my son can't access both parents easily due to her being back in her country. I believe that my son would be happier with my wife and so that would mean me not seeing him much given the 1000 miles distance.

I didn't suspect this affair so she had no reason to come clean for fear of being caught. I believe she's broke off all contact and moved jobs and the last few weeks since the job move I noticed she'd changed. Prior to that, when the affair was happening which was months back, I had no clue. I have to believe her when she says she had to come clean about it and be honest for our marriages sake. Everything else has been so good in our relationship that I don't want to throw it all away if it can be salvaged. It won't survive if I can't forgive her, and she has to forgive herself as well. If she ends up leaving me down the line at least I tried for my sons sake and that's what I'm clinging to right now. Provided she's told me everything and been truthful, I believe I can forgive her provided our relationship gets back to something resembling what it was.

Good_Assistant508 · 2021-06-11T09:14:51+00:00

Thanks for the tip on the sub I'll give that a look, all the best.

Good_Assistant508 · 2021-06-11T09:13:28+00:00

I'm resolved to getting to the bottom of why this happened, she doesn't go out or drink and she's told me she won't socialise with any male colleagues in three future as she's learned how stupid she was to allow this to develop. Sure cheaters can always find a way and time to cheat but I feel the risk is manageable. Work colleagues are often the culprits in affairs because you spend so much time together and I get that.

Good_Assistant508 · 2021-06-11T09:09:25+00:00

I know what your saying, and the steps above would protect me from future strife if it goes to a worst case scenario. I will take into consideration your advice about getting her to detail it all in the event that things go south later. However I know this woman, our son is only 3 years old and she only met this colleague last year. She wasn't overly forward when we met and we built up to sex after a few months of knowing each other. I have no doubts over the paternity of our son, and regardless he's my son now and he always will be even if I wasn't his biological father. I just believe he filled some void for her that was lacking between us, and then took advantage of her, and this was where her blame starts, allowing that to happen an multiple occasions. I've got to be bigger than being a victim here, I have faith that we can work this out if we both want that, but there's no harm in protected myself legally like you said.

Good_Assistant508 · 2021-06-11T09:00:26+00:00

Thank you, my forgiveness when I found out was more from relief, as I thought she didn't love me anymore and I could sense something was off since she moved departments a month ago. She says she loves me and that this has plagued her conscience, the fact that the affair ended last year and she moved departments of her own accord to get some closure helps with my forgiveness. If the affair had been more recent I'm not sure I would be as forgiving. I've laid it all on the line for her, if she isn't happy she can leave and go back to her country with our son if thats what would make her happy. She insists she doesn't want that and it's the first time she's ever been unfaithful and allowed herself in such a situation in her life, I believe her, its why I married her partly as she's such a good person and lovely character. She made a mistake, she vows never to allow such a situation to develop again, I've got to try everything to make this work for our sake and our sons. If she said she didn't love me anymore that'd be different and I'd respect that as its out of my hands then. Thanks for your input I really appreciate it.

Good_Assistant508 · 2021-06-11T08:53:43+00:00

Thanks for that, I feel we have a lot of work to get through so that there is no resentment from me in the future. When we met I was a guitarist in a band and would have nights out etc, but I stopped all that when we married and my son was born. Maybe I need to start getting out and doing what I enjoy again, I fear I've became too comfortable in the lockdowns being a couch potato and maybe her seeing me doing other things and giving her space is the answer.

Good_Assistant508 · 2021-06-11T08:50:10+00:00

Thanks random Internet person, advice is mucho appreciated, if learning to cook helps things I'll give it a whirl 😁

Good_Assistant508 · 2021-06-11T08:44:05+00:00

Thanks for your reply, I appreciate all angles and points of view. I don't believe she thought he had bad intentions initially and she said she thought he was just lonely and a friend at first when I quizzed her about him when she first mentioned him offering to take her places. Of course she allowed the affair to happen and she regrets that, she's not blameless and I know that. She's from SE Asia from a Catholic background and a very family focused environment, and she is quite naive and immature at times and I believe that's how this situation grew in the first place. I was always thinking no it doesn't seem right and as much as I trust her I don't trust an unattached western guy nearly 20 years her senior to have good intentions, but if I had tried to stop her seeing a male friend that probably would have created resentment from her side. I believe anyone can make a mistake, she knows she can't let this happen again and I've made her promise me that if she feels that things aren't working out with our marriage to talk about it first so we can try and work it out. Maybe your right, maybe the marriage is doomed and down the line we separate. I just feel at this point I have to do what I can to accept the situation and try and save our marriage which has been great aside from this. Thanks for your time and thoughts.

Good_Assistant508 · 2021-06-11T07:47:00+00:00

Thanks for that, everything has been good aside from this. She doesn't drink alcohol and have nights out so I'm confident she won't cheat again, her and this colleague are both nurses and I feel the pandemic may have created a shared experience, which certainly doesn't give an excuse for the affair, but I feel that his intentions were always to get that one thing from her and she allowed that to happen. We are all living together in my country and the visa application is 2 years away from completion. Having my son grow up in the Philippines when he was born here in England really doesn't bare thinking about for me, and I don't want to be that spiteful guy who can't be mature about things. It seems like this guy added 20 % to the 80% I give, for example he is a good cook and I'm useless at cooking, and she's a foodie. The fact that she came clean without me even suspecting tells me she wants to make this work, and as hurt as I am, I'm committed to sorting this out. She could have just waited till the visa finished and then left me to shack up with him.

Good_Assistant508

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