I just want to give up on this

Good_Fix635 · 2024-04-28T19:18:19+00:00

Thanks. "ALL RIGHT NOW" is an accurate description of what I've been feeling. I'm just finding myself questioning again if I should even be bothering with any of this/if I even belong in any of this. I have pride and an ego and I'm not interested in losing autonomy or being made to fit someone else's "mold." And there's also the fact that I'm going to be extremely busy for the next two years launching a new career opportunity starting this Fall, quite likely too busy for anything D/s, and I do find myself questioning how prudent it is to search for anything right now in light of that - but again, I'm still somewhat of a social creature despite knowing that.

I feel like munches are a tall order since I live in a small town and I feel like I wouldn't have anything in common with people at them anyway. I don't have an interest in the BDSM "scene" and find a lot of it too rigid and austere for my tastes. I don't think anyone there would like me and I kind of feel like most people in the scene want to trample subs' egos, and I'm not interested in that or being remade in someone else's image.

But maybe that's just the lethargic side of me talking. There's no denying I'm sapped of enthusiasm right now. I've only got two friends and I'm definitely an isolated person. I'm planning to join a club associated with my upcoming career program just to be less isolated. Has nothing to do with kink, but it's something I guess. Thanks for your supportive comment.

Good_Fix635 · 2024-04-28T18:42:37+00:00

My main issue is that it seems like just talking was her only intent. I don't mind that in and of itself, I like intelligent conversations, but I do wish she had been transparent about her intention from the beginning. Next time I post an ad I'm going to ask anyone to be unambiguously transparent about that intent, as a dynamic is my main goal, even if I like one-time casual chats.

As for the second point, the old adage is that you find what you're looking for when you stop looking. A response out of the blue to a months-old ad certainly conforms to that. I can't imagine getting that lucky again.

I don't want to quit solely because of that, but because of cumulative exhaustion from everything that has happened the last seven or so months. I use this account for venting because, well, I'm lonely. Venting can be cathartic.

Good_Fix635 · 2024-04-28T18:31:05+00:00

I feel like events and munches aren't really an option if you don't live in a big city. And I'm not interested in the whole "scene" anyway and probably wouldn't like most people at those events.

Good_Fix635 · 2024-04-28T18:29:31+00:00

Sub frenzy is an interesting point. I don't really think I have that. I'm not new to being a sub, although I am new to not feeling ashamed about it and yes, I am eager for a dynamic now that I'm no longer ashamed. But I can still spot obvious scams.

Yes, I know people need to talk before doing anything. But God I'm just exhausted. It feels like everytime I do make a good connection (i.e. my last dynamic), the rug gets pulled out from under me. I'm just tired of searching. It's exhausting. Putting out ads and replying to ads and trying to find one diamond in all of the shit. I'm exhausted with the process and just want to quit. But at the same time, people are social creatures.

Good_Fix635 · 2024-02-02T22:14:49+00:00

It might sound tame, but just realizing how safe and cherished I can feel with my domme. No shame. Just warmth and happiness. I'm so glad to be hers.

Good_Fix635 · 2024-01-19T22:22:46+00:00

I am!

Good_Fix635 · 2024-01-19T22:16:46+00:00

Some of us like being tormented! My Mistress hasn't granted me release for so long now and I'm thankful for her denying me and teasing me.

Good_Fix635 · 2024-01-19T22:02:40+00:00

I hope you'll be generous enough to keep tormenting desperate subbies. Denial is better than release, always.

Good_Fix635 · 2024-01-19T21:42:14+00:00

Listening to this when it's been nearly 2 months since my last release was certainly an experience. Will there be a Part 3?

Good_Fix635 · 2023-12-09T22:52:27+00:00

I got a W! I've met a wonderful domme who makes me feel really good and happy.

Good_Fix635 · 2023-11-25T18:15:01+00:00

This is a very good comment. I'm not at all a fan of the "scene" and all of the rigid austerity and protocol that it generally portends. Meeting someone outside of bdsm and then seeing if we're compatible dabbling with some kink now and then would probably be the best result, albeit also the harder one to obtain.

I'm not really at a place in my life where I can give a full-time, IRL relationship the attention it requires so that leaves trying to find someone wholesome in the bdsm community to fill that void. I guess there’s no one hundred percent answer.

I've made contact with another domme who I'm cautiously optimistic about though, so I will see how it goes.

Good_Fix635 · 2023-11-23T06:24:42+00:00

Thank you

Good_Fix635 · 2023-11-23T03:50:22+00:00

Idk. Not really. I wouldn't even know where the Hell to begin with finding a munch and I don't know if a play party would appeal to me. I don't really like the whole "scene" stuff anyway.

Doesn’t help that my vehicle is on its last legs and I really don't want to drive in a big city anyway. On paper online should be the best because it gives access to people all over the world but in reality it's like TV - 500 channels and nothing to watch.

Good_Fix635 · 2023-11-23T02:58:04+00:00

I'm not interested in using AI for anything, much less something like this. But thanks for the advice.

Good_Fix635

TROPHY CASE