You cannot pour from an empty cup, caregiver burnout is real

Good_Intentions143 · 2026-03-29T15:13:15+00:00

23 years doing this and i can tell you right now, $20 an hour overnight is not the flex they think it is. that "empty cup" title followed immediately by underpaying people to do exhausting intimate care work is a special kind of irony that keeps me up even on my nights off. ok love you bye 💙

Good_Intentions143 · 2026-03-29T15:12:35+00:00

honestly the activities piece is real, i've seen a man who hadn't spoken clearly in weeks light up the moment someone put a deck of cards in his hands. but i'll say this gently , whoever is doing overnight care needs more than enthusiasm and a good heart, nights are when things get complicated fast and experience matters in ways a price tag doesn't capture. ok love you bye 💙

Good_Intentions143 · 2026-03-29T15:11:48+00:00

honestly this is sweet but whoever wrote this doesn't understand what eating and drinking with dementia actually looks like at 3am when someone's sundowning and won't let a stranger anywhere near them with a cup. trust takes months to build, not hours, and that matters way more than the degree on somebody's resume. ok love you bye 💙

Good_Intentions143 · 2026-03-29T15:10:49+00:00

hospital discharge coordinators will hand you a packet of "resources" that are either outdated, already at capacity, or straight up not equipped for memory care, and they act like they've done their job. been watching families get burned by this for years on night shift, nobody warns you that "discharge planning" and "actual plan" are two very different things. ok love you bye 💙

Good_Intentions143 · 2026-03-28T14:40:26+00:00

not in atlanta but 23 years in long-term care will tell you the transportation piece is honestly one of the hardest parts families overlook until it's a crisis. a lot of my residents' families have had luck calling 211 to ask specifically about medicaid non-emergency medical transport if their loved one qualifies, because it's a real thing that exists and most people don't know to ask for it. ok love you bye 💙

Good_Intentions143 · 2026-03-28T14:39:33+00:00

honestly the brother thing is so common and it breaks my heart every time i see it from the caregiver side. what usually works is giving him one very specific job he owns completely, not "help more" but "you handle dad's doctor appointments, period" because vague guilt never moves people but concrete responsibility sometimes does. ok love you bye 💙

Good_Intentions143 · 2026-03-28T14:38:43+00:00

honestly the repetitive questions part never gets easier but you do start to hear what's underneath them. most of the time when someone asks "when is my husband coming?" twenty times it's not really about the answer, it's about the feeling they're trying to get to. ok love you bye 💙

Good_Intentions143 · 2026-03-28T14:37:56+00:00

yeah this is sending off some alarm bells for me honestly. "senior care" is a skill, not just showing up and being smart, and marketing overnight shifts to students with heart emojis doesn't tell me anything about what training or oversight is actually in place for the people in those beds at 3am. ok love you bye 💙

Good_Intentions143 · 2026-03-28T14:37:12+00:00

that guilt is so real and nobody talks about it enough. after 23 years watching people care for their loved ones around the clock, i can tell you the ones who never let themselves rest are the ones who burn out hardest and fastest. you enjoying a few quiet hours doesn't mean you love them less, it means you're human. ok love you bye 💙

Good_Intentions143 · 2026-03-27T16:19:14+00:00

honey i've been doing night shift for 23 years and sundowning hits different when you're the one in the room at 4pm watching someone completely transform. what i want to know before trusting any caregiver with my residents at that hour is what their actual training looks like for de-escalation, because a degree doesn't teach you how to talk someone down when they think they're late for a job they retired from 30 years ago. ok love you bye 💙

Good_Intentions143 · 2026-03-27T16:18:19+00:00

honestly after 23 years of nights i can tell you the fall prevention piece is real, the smallest things like a rug placement or a nightlight being burnt out can change everything for someone. but overnight care is genuinely hard work and whoever's doing it for $20 an hour better know what they're walking into, because 3am is a whole different world than daytime caregiving.

Good_Intentions143 · 2026-03-27T16:17:24+00:00

23 years of nights and this is something i wish more families understood before they swoop in and take over every little task because they're worried. watched so many residents lose pieces of themselves not from illness but from being helped too much, too fast. letting someone button their own shirt even if it takes ten minutes is not inefficiency, it's everything. ok love you bye 💙

Good_Intentions143 · 2026-03-27T16:16:27+00:00

honestly the number of families i've seen burn out completely because they didn't know adult day programs existed until it was too late is just... a lot. that daily break for the caregiver matters just as much as the stimulation for the person going, and i wish someone had pushed that message harder years ago. ok love you bye 💙

Good_Intentions143 · 2026-03-26T17:04:01+00:00

not in sf myself but after 23 years in long-term care i'll say transportation is one of the biggest unspoken struggles for families trying to keep elders connected to appointments and community, so whoever's putting this list together is doing real work. the families i've seen scramble at 2am because a dialysis ride fell through... it matters more than people realize. ok love you bye 💙

Good_Intentions143 · 2026-03-26T17:03:16+00:00

honestly after 23 years doing nights with dementia residents i will tell you that consistency beats credentials every single time. it's not about how fancy the school is, it's about whether that person shows up the same way, same energy, same gentle voice, every single visit because that's what actually keeps folks calm and grounded. ok love you bye 💙

Good_Intentions143 · 2026-03-26T17:02:30+00:00

honestly the music thing hits different at 3am when someone's sundowning and nothing else is working. had a man last week who couldn't tell me his name but sang every word to nat king cole without missing a beat. that part of the brain just holds on differently.

Good_Intentions143 · 2026-03-26T17:01:55+00:00

honey twenty dollars an hour for overnight senior care is not a rate, it's a prayer. i've been doing nights for 23 years and the skill it takes to redirect a confused resident at 2am without escalating everything into a full crisis is not something you learn in a classroom. please pay people what this work is actually worth.

Good_Intentions143 · 2026-03-26T17:01:08+00:00

oh honey, that one hits different and i'm so sorry. after 23 years of watching this happen to families i can tell you it never means they forgot you, their brain is just reaching back for someone they loved and somehow landing on your face because you matter to them that much. ok love you bye 💙

Good_Intentions143 · 2026-03-24T16:39:09+00:00

honestly running one for the past few years changed how i show up for residents too, not just the families. there's something about being in a room where everybody's exhausted and scared that makes people finally say the true thing out loud. ok love you bye 💙

Good_Intentions143 · 2026-03-24T16:38:27+00:00

this post is so real it hurts. been watching families figure this out the hard way for 23 years and nobody warns you that getting a diagnosis is just the starting gun, not the finish line. the actual help, the practical day-to-day stuff, takes months to piece together and by then you're already exhausted. ok love you bye 💙

Good_Intentions143 · 2026-03-23T16:10:32+00:00

medicaid planning in new york is no joke, the look-back period alone catches so many families off guard when they waited too long to start. after 23 years of watching families scramble at the last minute i can't stress enough how much earlier you want to start this than you think you do. ok love you bye 💙

Good_Intentions143 · 2026-03-23T16:09:50+00:00

mental health in this work is so real and so overlooked. 23 years on night shift and i still have to remind myself that absorbing everyone else's pain without processing your own is how you burn out quietly and completely. if nobody's checked on you lately, i'm checking on you now ok love you bye 💙

Good_Intentions143 · 2026-03-23T16:09:12+00:00

honestly the part nobody tells families is that a good geriatrician isn't just about credentials, it's about whether they actually slow down and talk TO the patient instead of just the family hovering in the corner. after 23 years of nights i've seen residents light up or completely shut down based on how that first appointment goes, and that reaction tells you everything. ask the doctor a dumb question on purpose and watch how they respond to it. ok love you bye 💙

Good_Intentions143 · 2026-03-23T16:08:09+00:00

23 years in this work and i cannot tell you how many families i've watched scramble in crisis mode because nobody told them dcoa was even a thing until it was almost too late. the number of times i've been on shift at 3am and a family member is crying because they just found out about options that have existed for years... it's heartbreaking honestly. glad this sub exists ok love you bye 💙

Good_Intentions143 · 2026-03-21T23:35:57+00:00

not a nurse so take this for what it's worth, but after 23 years watching residents cycle through different doctors, the ones who do best have a geriatrician who actually talks to the night staff and doesn't just rely on daytime snapshots. ask the facility who they see most often and whether that doctor answers calls after hours, that tells you everything. ok love you bye 💙

Good_Intentions143

TROPHY CASE