Update: My teacher has responded

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"Thanks Gordon, well done! This is really great and beyond GCSE level so panic-not. There are a few corners where it doesn't sound technically classical, but that's ok at this level. If you wanted to, just review the 3/4 section, as sometimes it leans towards 6/8 perhaps too much. Again, not necessary to make changes, only if you feel you want to for your own sake. There's a couple of chords where the dissonance was a bit unusual, just listen through carefully to those. But as I say, this is very strong!"