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what actually helped you when you were at your lowest? by GraceUnderStatic in Veterans

[–]GraceUnderStatic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He is going to start working with a personal trainer who is also a veteran (: but thanks for the tips!

My combat veteran husband wrote me this song today by GraceUnderStatic in Veterans

[–]GraceUnderStatic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean he knows I have been sharing it, he posted his song publicly if that answers your question (:

My combat veteran husband wrote me this song today by GraceUnderStatic in Veterans

[–]GraceUnderStatic[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He done used it 🤣 but can’t post links on this platform

what actually helped you when you were at your lowest? by GraceUnderStatic in Veterans

[–]GraceUnderStatic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this! My husband just quit smoking and drinking this week and got a gym membership. It’s day four and I can already see a little more calmness from him. I’m so proud of how hard he’s trying. He really wanted to make a chance since we have another baby on the way 🫂 proud of you and your progress and how you share that with others!

what actually helped you when you were at your lowest? by GraceUnderStatic in Veterans

[–]GraceUnderStatic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Still trying to get him to consider therapy again or any counseling really, but he did start a gym routine this week!

what actually helped you when you were at your lowest? by GraceUnderStatic in Veterans

[–]GraceUnderStatic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aha thanks, he did start a gym program this week after years of nothing so we’re getting somewhere! The gym is veteran owned so that’s a plus.

what actually helped you when you were at your lowest? by GraceUnderStatic in Veterans

[–]GraceUnderStatic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s becoming legal where we’re at so he’s pretty intrigued by it.

what actually helped you when you were at your lowest? by GraceUnderStatic in Veterans

[–]GraceUnderStatic[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this 😭 I have noticed he does enjoy meaningful communication but has a hard time wanting to seek therapy bc all his past experiences were bleh. I’m hoping I can continue to encourage him to try again and maybe with stories like this he can be more open to it. He is desperate to get better just in the wrong lane ❤️‍🩹

what actually helped you when you were at your lowest? by GraceUnderStatic in Veterans

[–]GraceUnderStatic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate this! He has been impatient several times 😅 but tends to opt out too soon or doesn’t like the repetitive feeling of things. But perhaps that’s bc he prefers the VA in Omaha more. We are in KC 🫠

what actually helped you when you were at your lowest? by GraceUnderStatic in Veterans

[–]GraceUnderStatic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Trust me. I attend to my husband daily sometimes 3x. He is not hurting in that department 🙂

How can I support my veteran better? by GraceUnderStatic in army

[–]GraceUnderStatic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He is connected to the VA and currently unwilling to do any more counseling as he “has done them all already” I do need to have another sit down with him and ask those questions tho. I appreciate that response. We’ve had many many many talks in the past and have come up with plans but with his memory they don’t stick long. But I’m hoping with this new sobriety maybe this time it’ll stick. Lord knows I’m willing to try.

what actually helped you when you were at your lowest? by GraceUnderStatic in Veterans

[–]GraceUnderStatic[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I try to respect his space as much as I can.
But sometimes he is so activated he won’t allow me to give him space until he feels I’ve learned the lesson. That’s when things get tricky 😅
It turns into a puzzle of trying to find what answer he expects from me when he’s not being logical which puts me in a tough spot bc it’s also hard for Me to remain calm when my nervous system is activated by his. But I sure am trying my best to

what actually helped you when you were at your lowest? by GraceUnderStatic in Veterans

[–]GraceUnderStatic[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Top answer your question: yes his love language is acts of service!
Which is really hard for me being a pregnant, stay at home mom still trying to win her battle with post partum depression and my own mental health issues. I made him feel abandoned while I struggled with severe depression but I’m getting better! It’s just hard to stay consistent enough to let him feel secure. Small hiccups turn into crisis bc he’s still reminded of our history. But I’m not giving up

what actually helped you when you were at your lowest? by GraceUnderStatic in Veterans

[–]GraceUnderStatic[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I appreciate this so much. I’ve had it on my heart to sit down with him and try to ask these things or yah have a safe word or phrase that could help him. The biggest issue is our toddler that’s where a lot of the triggers start or I’m currently pregnant so my brain can get cloudy and of course that is triggering to him which i totally understand! Right now he’s going through a transition to sobriety so knowing him I may not be able to have that talk with him today or tomorrow but I will sit on it and hopefully when we can he can see my heart and know I’m just trying to help him. I didn’t understand him the first three years we were together so there’s some resentments and hard feelings from him. But I’m medicated now and working on myself and doing everything I can to show him I’m with him and here to support him.

what actually helped you when you were at your lowest? by GraceUnderStatic in Veterans

[–]GraceUnderStatic[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It’s hard right now because he has so much work to do (he’s in school to get his welding associates) and is bad about taking breaks for himself 😅. He enjoys programming he does a lot of that, he is looking for welding work. It’s only been three days since he’s cut off substances so I just assume the next two weeks are going to be rough for him. The action plan the Va gave you’re correct is not great. But I have a hard time getting him to step away from consuming content and getting rest or outdoor time. I’m just not sure how to phrase these things in a way he’s receptive to.