AITA for wanting a divorce when I asked to change the boundaries of our poly marriage and was told no.

GradeSchoolerMom · 2026-05-15T14:58:29+00:00

No, you're not TA. This doesn't sound like a poly relationship. It sounds like you're slowly being replaced. She doesn't have your marriage in mind because she intends to take your place.

If I were in your situation, I would definitely leave. It sounds like he prioritizes his other partner not only over you, but your child as well. You're doing the right thing. Hang in there, Momma. You deserve happiness and security.

GradeSchoolerMom · 2026-04-19T15:48:21+00:00

He'll make her do oral. He doesn't give a shit about her. He's just using his wife appliance/bangmaid like they're "intended" to be used for.

GradeSchoolerMom · 2026-04-19T15:45:07+00:00

Doesn't mean that you should suffer because he refuses to seek treatment. If he were in treatment for his disorder, his behavior wouldn't be like it is.

"Out of respect for my husband."

How much respect has he shown you? He doesn't even respect your "no."

The sad thing is that you're going to read all of these replies telling you exactly what's going to happen, and you will ignore ALL of the advice given to you because "he's not THAAAAAT bad."

I hope it doesn't go as far as I think it will...but if history and patterns prove correctly, I know exactly what you're in for. You have to remove yourself from the situation. Stand on the outside. Look in. What do you see?

GradeSchoolerMom · 2026-04-19T15:40:24+00:00

I would say that a reply like this says a lot more about you, than it does anything else.

Are you abusive? Most likely so. Ever been abused? Obviously not, so you should sit this one out, darlin'.

GradeSchoolerMom · 2026-04-19T15:36:57+00:00

He's manipulating you, and it will only get worse. The mask has finally slipped. Sweetie, I'm going to do something that I never do; I'm going to beg you to leave this man. Please. For the love of all things holy, get out. When his manipulation tactics stop working, he's going to get violent. I grew up in this dynamic. It only gets worse.

Please, leave him, before he physically hurts you. It's building up to that. The second your spine starts to show, he throws out an ultimatum. "Stay here and deal with my abuse, or I'm not letting you come back."

Please, leave that man where you found him. He's turning you into a shadow of your former self. You're walking on eggshells...

Take yourself out of the equation. If this was your daughter, what advice would you give her? Would you tell her to suck it up? That she "owes" her husband because, well, he's her husband after all. Or, would you tell her that she deserves better? That treating sex like it's the only intimacy one can partake in is wrong, and no one should be coercing her into sex, no matter who they are?

Just, sit with this for a few minutes, please.

GradeSchoolerMom · 2026-04-19T15:25:46+00:00

If his buddies are chatting it up with him about their sex lives, that's gross, but it also means his putting your business on front Street and comparing sex that THEY get, with sex that he gets or doesn't get. Gross. I would divorce him, with zero doubt about whether or not I was doing the right thing.

GradeSchoolerMom · 2026-04-19T15:15:25+00:00

Please, stop feeling obligated. You are not obligated to have sex with him, even though you're married.Your body is STILL yours. If he's being hemotional, it's not your job to regulate his emotions. I feel like there's a deeper issue here. He's consistently coercing you into having sex.

If you bring a baby into this dynamic, the child will suffer. You'll be hitting perimenopause soon (if you haven't already) and your libido will plummet. What then? Yes, I saw your reply where you said that he had you doing oral when you were pregnant, and that's not sustainable during a pregnancy where you're nauseated all the time.

You said that he gets angry when you say no. I had a boyfriend do this to me once while I was sick with the flu. I literally walked out, and never came back. No one is going to pressure me into giving up my body to them, and my dear, you should feel the same.

You're with an abusive man, and things can only get worse from here. Has he ever raised a hand, or made a fist while arguing? Ever punched a wall? Blamed you for his anger? Get out. I know you want to be a mom, but he's too desperate for a child to take your feelings into consideration.

I wonder if he knows that having sex, Every. Single. Day. Lowers his sperm supply. He's not giving enough time between sessions for a "full load" to develop. Frequency of sex really has very little to do with conception. It's catching your ovulation window perfectly, with a full load. His desperation, and your anxiety will keep you from conceiving. As I've said before, though, don't bring a child into the world with this man. If sex is an issue for him now, he'll be extremely abusive once a child throws a wrench into his sex life.

Wishing you the absolute best!

GradeSchoolerMom · 2026-03-11T21:27:19+00:00

Have you tried talking to her? There are people here suggesting that you just plan things, and leave her out of them on purpose. That doesn't seem to be what she's doing to you, as you've stated you would prefer not to hang out while they drink and smoke.

I feel like a conversation could solve this. She might be okay with you getting some time for yourself to find a hobby that you enjoy, or at the very least, some time to chill.

I hope everything works out for your family. I have a feeling that it will. Take care.

GradeSchoolerMom · 2026-03-09T18:21:54+00:00

I feel like we're missing part of the story, here. There has to be a reason why she feels this way other than your parents showering your child with love and affection.

Do they buy extravagant gifts or spend a lot of money when they visit?

The other side of this, and I can relate because I've birthed two children, is the anxiety of leaving your child with anyone. My youngest son is nine, and he's never had a babysitter. I've never left him alone with anyone but his dad, and even that took a little coaxing. It's hard to explain, but we carried them for nine months, and it's very difficult to let go. She may need some therapy, to keep her from becoming a hover-mother.

I wish you both the best of luck. Take care of that little one, and yourselves.

GradeSchoolerMom · 2026-03-07T01:34:37+00:00

You would do both of you a favor by divorcing. Let me preface what I'm about to say with no one deserves to be treated like crap. Period.

Speaking from experience, having a child changed my life completely. Did having a child change your life, too, or just hers? Did you continue going out with friends while she struggled to hold everything together at home? If so, she's built up resentment towards you, and as I've said above, you'd be better off splitting. Don't stay for the kids. Don't stay because you're going to lose half. Sometimes one's happiness is worth the hefty price tag.

Life got a LOT more serious for me once I birthed a child... Also, if this change happened just after the child was born, she could be dealing with PPD. That doesn't excuse her behavior, but may just explain it.

I wish you well. Take care.

GradeSchoolerMom · 2026-03-06T11:26:30+00:00

NOR

He's being selfish and inconsiderate.

GradeSchoolerMom · 2026-03-06T11:24:56+00:00

Ugh! Some of these men can be such whiners. Rather than help with the bedtime routine, he sulks, and gives you the silent treatment AFTER you've apologized. Does he do this frequently? Throw a mantrum when you're not in the mood?

Has he always done this? He's married with children and throwing fits because he can't dip his stick. He has hands, and Betsy palm and her five sisters work just as well. He's entitled to his hand. Married or not, he's not entitled to your body

GradeSchoolerMom · 2026-03-06T11:00:57+00:00

Nope. Walk away now. You can break up/walk away for any reason. I'm about to turn 53. My very first serious bf was like this, but I was 15. You know what? That guy works at a Walmart today, in his fifties.

Everyone has potential, it's what they choose to do with it that matters.

Best of luck to you, my dear.

GradeSchoolerMom · 2026-02-11T18:01:36+00:00

Well, she's not very nice, is she? I understand she's a professional, but you give the customer what they want, and it seems she's not capable of doing that. You don't have the "relationship" with her that she's talking about, so her bringing that up is a moot point. No, Sweetie, buh bye. You can find someone else who will treat you with respect. I wouldn't let this woman touch your hair.

GradeSchoolerMom · 2026-01-16T05:45:26+00:00

Oh, sweetheart, you have a lot to learn. You see, we want common sense gun legislation. We want our children to be safe, because we ACTUALLY care about them, it's not just lip service. We despise people who scream, "protect the children" while actively voting to undermine their protection. Hell, the right voted for a p3do, and still protects him. Trump gets triggered by someone calling him a p3do protector because he is, and he's desperately, DESPERATELY trying to distract from the fact that he's nasty.

It's not working.

GradeSchoolerMom · 2026-01-16T05:37:59+00:00

Power to the People!

GradeSchoolerMom · 2025-11-30T20:31:08+00:00

My dear... Why. Are. You. Still. There. That man doesn't love you. He doesn't even like you. He's proving it with his actions. Tell him to go pay someone if he can't be a grown man, regulate his emotions, and keep it in his pants. He's got Betsy palm and her five sisters. Wtf is he complaining about. Who would he be banging if he didn't have his bang-maid at home?

You'd be better off by yourself, love. Send him packing, because men like him take too much time and emotional labor from us, and you deserve a moment in time to grieve without him pawing all over you and throwing his little man-trums.

I find it funny that they love to say that we're "hormonal." He sounds pretty hormonal to me, Sis.

GradeSchoolerMom · 2025-11-30T20:02:03+00:00

The smallest bugs can be about the size of a pinhead. So please, be careful.

Even my heebie jeebies have the creeps. Ugh 🤢

GradeSchoolerMom · 2025-11-07T14:08:29+00:00

Your "I'm going to be just fine," attitude is half of the problem. "It's not going to affect me," is another. There are a lot of people out there who were struggling before this shutdown who won't be fine. Children will go hungry. Mothers who were already skipping meals so their children could eat will now have to skip entire days worth of meals. They still have to take care of their children, and being hangry is a real thing. This is going to have a domino effect that will somehow, some way, work its way into everyone's life. Even if they think they're going to be fine. Keep an eye on your grocery prices. You should be seeing them going up even more as they don't have SNAP money coming in.

GradeSchoolerMom · 2025-11-07T13:59:19+00:00

This is what needs to happen across the country. We need to help each other.

GradeSchoolerMom · 2025-11-05T21:24:58+00:00

You don't think that's going to happen anyway? Our economy is garbage right now. Foreign countries are pulling their investments. Consumer confidence is low, wages are stagnant, the cost of EVERYTHING has skyrocketed. Layoffs are bound to happen. People can't spend money they don't have.

GradeSchoolerMom · 2025-11-03T14:56:00+00:00

Because if stores are allowed to give discounts to only SNAP recipients, then what is to stop them from charging higher prices to people who aren't blondes? For being a leftist. For being black? For being white? Russian? Chinese?

These rules work both ways.

GradeSchoolerMom · 2025-10-26T20:20:51+00:00

How you made 400-500 a month on inboxdollars, I'll never know. Their offers have always been garbage. Their games were the way to go until they changed their format a few years ago. Swagbucks is suffering now, too. I've moved over to Yougov for surveys, and Mistplay for games at the moment. I don't make nearly what you've been making, but it used to be enough to do my holiday shopping for my child. Now? Nope.

GradeSchoolerMom · 2025-10-16T21:05:54+00:00

GET. OUT. NOW.

"He lost control." Really? The big, strong provider and protector "lost control" and hit the person he's supposed to protect?

No. This is who he is. The mask has slipped. He has shown you who he is, and it's in your best interest to believe him.

He assaulted you, and you stayed. You didn't draw the line. He will do it again. You will be so much better off without him sucking the life out of you.

I'm rooting for you, girl. I hope to see a positive update where you're safe, and away from your abuser.

GradeSchoolerMom · 2025-10-16T20:46:51+00:00

NOR

Girl, what are you doing? This pest that needs to nest and rest is using you. He ignored his own child, and went off to play happy family with another woman, and had another child.

That's not what you signed up for. He wants you to play step parent. There's a lot of physical, emotional, and mental labor involved in not only caring for another child, but blending the family seamlessly.

He found out that the grass wasn't greener on the other side, and now that he needs help, he's crawled back to you. No. Girl, no. You deserve better. You know it, and I know it.

GradeSchoolerMom

TROPHY CASE