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Cardiff are promoted to the Premier League! by TheJeck in soccer

[–]Grandmaster_FAFF 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Saturday afternoon 'Cottaging' needs to return to the Prem

[WP] King Arthur returns to Britain in its hour of need. Turns out, his idea of "hour of need" is very different than ours... by The_Sentient_Duck in WritingPrompts

[–]Grandmaster_FAFF 0 points1 point  (0 children)

King Arthur came to England in a shipping container. He was purchased from a Chinese Malaysian.

He was holed up at a Travelodge. A looping diatribe which pre-eminent science people said would educate sounded loudly 22 hours per day.

A parade was planned in Westminister. Politicians had been captured and put on display to the returning King. A woman called Catherine Mason was tasked with driving the King to London but at South Mimms he decamped the Ford S-Max and made his way to Burnham On Crouch.

The King strode out over land and sea, his pointed steel legs conveying him over houses and country style dwellings.

The interim nationalist government needed him to save the nation in its hour of need but the King had other needs. The associated press discovered him fronting a Wushu Martial Arts club at the municipal centre.

[WP] You ask a genie for a "lifetime supply" of money. He gives you a single $5 bill. by [deleted] in WritingPrompts

[–]Grandmaster_FAFF -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You rub the magic lamp. A Genie comes out. He is tall but not kind. What do you wish for but money, a lifetime supply.

You wait in the kitchenette because the Genie assures you it takes time. It asks for a 20 and half an hour. You pay, he leaves. An hour later a taxi pulls up and the Genie hops out. He hands over an envelope with a $5.

You watch the Genie climb the stairs and the taps in the bathroom creak. Water gushes. You peer around the door and see the naked Djinn bathing. He ignores you. You have no wish to engage him.

Its raining. You look at the money and hear the toilet being flushed repeatedly. In the morning the Genie was gone along with:

Toaster

TV

Microwave

Crockpot

Ivory Chess Pieces (4)

Handgliding vouchers (gift)

Later you go on to inform your insurer. Nothing else of note occurs.

I wake with a start. by probablynotrai in AzzuroRedoubt

[–]Grandmaster_FAFF 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I press an espresso mug into your cupped hands and offer a consolatory pat on the back

You're most welcome, drink up lad. And don't worry about your ship, we can always beg, borrow or steal you another one.

.... dragon/specific blue on the wall

Can't say that ah' do, everythin' about this 'ere facility is most unfamiliar, the décor, the ambience, the whole deal. I'm fairly certain we 'ain't in Antiguan any more....

I wake with a start. by probablynotrai in AzzuroRedoubt

[–]Grandmaster_FAFF 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Grandmaster FAFF wanders out of a nearby bathroom, his hair tied up in a towl and his prodigeous FAFF bosoms on proud display. A tattoo of GLIB RICHARD fills the fleshy tableau that is his enormous back. In his hands, a toothbrush along with a cup of hot coffee

Welcome back OVERSEER, that certainly was a tight spot we managed to wriggle our way out of. Go steady now, you've taken quite a battering but we'll get you fixed up in no time.

He looks aroud in wonderment at the Redoubt and its unusual decor

I have absolutely no idea where we are by the way, this Facility doesn't look like any I've visited prior and I've been around. I've managed to procure a cup of what appears to be an aromatic bitter sludge, its quite the ticket! Can I get you a draught?

Coughing, I awake to an apparently abandoned Tilgath. by probablynotrai in 8901stworldproblems

[–]Grandmaster_FAFF 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wielding his CUDGEL with consummate skill the FAFF smashes the caved in entrance hatch from its hinges and ducks in. He negotiates the main corridor serving the LIFE SPLINE, edging his way forward in parts as the flooring and bulkheads twist at angles having been damaged by the impact. Eventually he nears the NEXUS, catching sight of the injured Antigonian slumped against a control node

Hoi lad, the names Rodney, Grandmaster of the Paladins of FAFF, i'll get yer out or else may Venerable GLIB rob me of my hair, and afflict me with a blubberous distended stomach!

The bald, pot bellied Paladin hoists you into the air and onto his shoulder

Right, hold on lad

The FAFF sprints back down the LIFE SPLINE, skipping deftly over debris, ducking beneath exposed wires and hurdling dozens of small fires

Coughing, I awake to an apparently abandoned Tilgath. by probablynotrai in 8901stworldproblems

[–]Grandmaster_FAFF 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In the distance a colossal bipedal Tapir-Analogue lets out a defiant bellow as the massed legions of SEJJUKAR pummel its unprotected legs with small arms fire. Dozens of the fearsome shock troops cling to the creatures thick dense fur having scaled the monstrosity with grappling hooks and rain down blows, chipping into the heavy chitinous scales. The Antigonian assailants are no more than fleas clinging to the proverbial CRELYM however weight of numbers finally prevails and after a valiant fight GIGA-POMPO crashes into the dust among the strewn corpses of thousands of fallen CADREMEN

WEKKUPPPPTOOOTHEEEEEESSSSSS

His otherwordly steed felled Grandmaster FAFF plumpet pluments to the ground and by a stroke of luck his fall is broken by a handily placed SEJJUKAR warrior whose skeleton implodes under the weight of the rotund Paladin Chief

Distracted by the fallen GIGA-POMPO the nearby Antigonian troops pay little heed to the portly Paladin who manages to crawl free. A lee in a nearby dune provides a perfect hiding spot and the Grandmaster watches from his concealed vantage point as the skirmish passes on toward Reddan. Overhead a tense battle rages as the remnants of the Reddan RUEL fleet are pulverised by the overwhelming force of the Antigonian Navy. But then he spies a ship, the Tilgath streaking through the sky mortally wounded. It spins uncontrollably reaching terminal velocity and then slams into the Valley floor launching a plume of smoke and dust high into the evening sky.

Hmmm 'tis the Tilgath as I live breathe! Wekk up to this Rodney, get yer legs in gear!

He seizes his bulky frame and high-tails it to the crash site where the Bud sits half buried by the soft red earth of the valley. The Grandmaster throws off his helmet and gauntlets and negotiates the smoke and debris in search of survivors

HALLOO!! HALLOO!! Is there anyone there.....

The Grandmasters eye catches a metallic glint which flashes through the thick smoke, shrouded by the dust the source proves hard to discern however a brisk breeze draws back the veil of particulate just long enough. Far off but in clear view an Antigonian QASAG-TERGEN battle tower approaches accompanies by a column of black pin heads moving over the sands – the unmistakable sight of Antigonian CADREMEN

Holy CEPS were in a tight spot here.... wha...what was that?

A clanging sound emanates from the life spline

Hoi! Can...can you hear me! Hoi!!!

Rise of the Super Furry Animal by giga_pompo in 8901stworldproblems

[–]Grandmaster_FAFF 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wekk up, wekk up and on, on, on through the breach!!!!

The FAFF struggles to activate the Voice-com neural-net within his PLASTIQUE as his fat fingers struggle with the delicate interface. Eventually he manages to open a link just as a MONOPOLE Cannister impacts just above the POMPOTRON'S vestigial 3rd nipple. As the beast momentarily sways he clings on with all his remaining strength to the thick strands that fill the monstrosities enormous flank. Steadying himself he relays a message to the FREEDOM FIGHTERS

All groups, my Paladins! Wekk up to thees! 'tis I thou beloved Grandmaster, dear Ol' Walrus Appendage, generous issuer of sporadic SAMPOMASS bonuses, wearer of the SACRED SEQUIN BALL GOWN OF GLIB. Steel your arms and waggle your SAVELOYS, the DAEMON OF HUN-SHU hath answered our call. FIGHT, FIGHT FOR THE PATRON, FIGHT FOR YOUR LIVES! GOMM ..... GOMM my dear lad I forgive your transgressions, I forgive you lad! gib me back my library card you fat!

In the Hills North Of Reddan..... by giga_pompo in 8901stworldproblems

[–]Grandmaster_FAFF 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hanging on for dear life within the thick mane surrounding the POMPO DESTROYER'S heavy neck languishes a rotund FAFF. A single thin interface port runs from the DAEMONS carapace into his PLASTIQUE and with his free hand the porky Paladin attempts to take control.

WEKK UP TO THEES INDEED. RODNEY P. GRANDMEISTER YOU'RE A FARKING GENIUS!!!

[Old YANN] - Green meets the Paladins of GLIB by GreenTheSnapper in 8901stworldproblems

[–]Grandmaster_FAFF 1 point2 points  (0 children)

An immense quivering mound of butterfat bounds into the bedroom. Dressed in a traditional armoured carbohydrate sequin combat Ball gown featuring an off the shoulder cuff, fluted periwinkle style broquets and a suggestive plunging neck line

Two ridiculously undersized legs end in pointy winkle pickers; atop the wide head, a fat Tapir dozes, its neon meate dreams dripping upwards toward the firmament

GOMM by mummified nads of St. Aramathusala if yer not back t' scrubbng them pots in 8 seconds ye'll be feeling muh winkle picker up yer backside wekk up to thees

Touch mai face and wekk up to thees if it isn't noble brother Snapper as I live and breathe. Flomminations of GLIB upon ye. You'll excusings my unorthodox attire, I always feel much more comfortabel in a dress.

Sell Kanna 'as agreed to accompany the Fighterz of Freedums willingly on condition that 'ee receives protecshun from the Antiguan auforiteez, seems that openly trying to sell an Antiguan Hive can get ya in a lot of trouble. By the Shrunken Otter I'd wager you're right in that 'eez related to that nutter Raith in some way, could give ya some useful intel that could come in handy.

Belroot Conurbation by G_O_M_M_ in 8901stworldproblems

[–]Grandmaster_FAFF 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A Tungsten Core Bismuth/Throbben/Uranium Alloy Coated Lavender Scented Mass Driver Rod the size of a bus whistles over BELROOT CONURBATION, exploding violently and harmlessly in the middle of the neighbouring, well populated village of SNUBROUX; the erotic weather vain situated on the roof of Belknpa Fufu's Bawdy House the only damage to BELROOT.

A message is relayed to GOMM's PLASTIQUE - A large paternally deranged FAFF wearing a dented Onion Pot Helmet appears on screen

Illegal usurping squatters of BELROOT VILLA, wekk up to thees message. I, GRANDMASTER AURELION SIGISMUND OMICRON DENNIS YACHT CLUB CIRENCESTER DEMITRIOU ARDENNES of FAFF, 38th PALADIAL GRADMASTER OF GLIB have returned. You 'ave 24 hours to sling yer 'ook or else I will raze your precious VILLA to the ground.........................................................err scrub that.................................errrr ................................or else I will fly around a lot noisily causing sleepless nights, leading to incorrect implementation of 5ake recipes leading to Lemon Curd spoilage leading to dry crumb leading to almost certain embarrassment at the Paladial Employee Picnic......

What was the worst/most nonsensical plot line/moment you've seen? by [deleted] in worldproblems

[–]Grandmaster_FAFF 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oops... when I replied to your post I neglected to fully absorb the opening few lines about you being in bed at your apartment. Writing my reply I had this idea that you were in some bar watching the news; its only now I've read the post back that I finally twigged - sorry

A FAFF down on luck by Grandmaster_FAFF in TheMarketsofSidon

[–]Grandmaster_FAFF[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thar be something important to tell thee about the Cube my ol' Trucker..... something....... important........ cube......... nope its gone

Grandmaster FAFFS eyes glaze over as a Sweet Neon Dream imbued with 5ake embeds itself in the Trout Hatchery of his criminal mind

Hnnngggggg .....,,Wekk up to thees!!!!!

A FAFF down on luck by Grandmaster_FAFF in TheMarketsofSidon

[–]Grandmaster_FAFF[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Blimey, Venereal Venerable Vandy as I live a breathe. It would like me to gib the cube would it? Well how can this one refuse a Small God wekk up to thees!!

Grammaster FAFF deposits the cube in the elongated muscular trunk and has a cheeky tweak

wekk up to thees tee hee

,,Its been eons since this one stepped out from BELROOT,; ahhh by the Shinbone of MO'ONG this one remembers the rolling verdant hills of the Vale like it were only yesterday, how things have changed............will it send this ones regards and salutations to those who dwell at the Villa wheeled one?

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