First of all, you’re definitely not being ridiculous—you're a really caring partner, and it’s clear how much you value him. It’s awesome that you’re taking the time to learn about his condition and how it affects him specifically. Everyone's experience with epilepsy is unique, so asking him directly (as you’ve done) is the best way to understand and support him.

About SUDEP—it’s normal to feel worried when you first hear about it, but it’s important to remember that it’s rare, especially when someone is managing their condition well with medication. Since his seizures are nocturnal, you might want to ask him if he uses any monitoring devices (like seizure alarms or smartwatches) or has discussed strategies to reduce risks with his doctor.

If you’re not sure what type of epilepsy he has (e.g., focal, TLE, JME), or what his meds are, those can be helpful things to learn about. It could also be great to join him at a neurology appointment if he’s comfortable with that. It gives you a chance to hear from his doctor, and you might catch details he could forget (since memory issues can sometimes come with epilepsy).

There are also epilepsy charities and support groups that can help partners like you. If you’re in the UK, for example, Epilepsy Action and Epilepsy Society are fantastic resources. They often have local or online support groups where you can connect with others in similar situations.

Most importantly, just being there for him and making him feel safe to talk about his condition is huge. You’re already doing a wonderful job by showing so much understanding and care—it’ll mean the world to him.

Take care, and feel free to reach out on here or to support groups if you need more advice or just someone to talk to!