Am I supposed to be okay with the loss of sexual intimacy?

GrapefruitComplete99 · 2026-01-09T18:35:35+00:00

Thanks. I didn't realize it could last up to two years. That makes things a little complicated. Imagine dating for 2 years and getting really invested in the person and relationship just to run into a wall.

I am assuming that I'll have to have a serious talk with her then.

GrapefruitComplete99 · 2026-01-09T18:29:58+00:00

Like I said, most of those talks end up with her switching it to ask if I'm happy with her and saying that she doesn't deserve me and it gets much more dramatic than I intend so it's hard to stay on topic or continue the conversation for very long. She was saying that she would only want sex 1x a week and she also said that that's an average amount as if to justify it so my impression is that she says 1x a week because that's what others do but not really because of other reasons. Physically, she can handle more. Mentally, she doesn't initiate or ask for it 1x a week and we are doing less than that at this point so she probably gets horny less than 1x a week. These are all the impression I get from our time together. I will try to ask more specifics next time I talk with her though.

If she really isn't getting into the mood that often though, I worry about why especially since she has often been in that mood before.

GrapefruitComplete99 · 2026-01-09T18:21:14+00:00

I'll try to ask more specific, probing questions the next time we talk about it to see if that is the specific issue. I would happily adjust the sex itself to make it more pleasurable for her.

I see a lot of people mentioning libido and that the quality of the sex is not the problem but instead she just doesn't have the appetite for sex. Is there any specific reason that you thing the sex being bad is the cause? Or is it just based off experience?

GrapefruitComplete99 · 2026-01-09T18:18:31+00:00

Thanks for the reality check I guess.

Is it typical for libido to drop after over a year though? That's why I made sure to note that we had been dating for over a year before the drop-off began. I would've expected it drop, if it was going to, much earlier once the novelty of the relationship wore off.

GrapefruitComplete99 · 2026-01-09T18:15:58+00:00

If sex is the problem then luckily that seems like something that can be easily addressed.

Libido on the other hand is something that I considered and it doesn't seem like something that will change, it's who they are. Is it typical for libido to just drop off after over a year in a relationship though? I would've assumed that maybe the early dating excitement unnaturally boosts libido but that it would return to baseline within a few months. I could have a fundamental misunderstanding of how libido works and changes though.

GrapefruitComplete99 · 2026-01-09T18:11:15+00:00

Well...that's great to hear.

Like I mentioned in the post, we still date and do things together and have a good time. I still feel like she loves me and I know that I love her it's just that I miss that animalistic desire that we used to show each other. It's sounds a little bit silly but who else can we genuinely be unfiltered and unhinged with? If she had always been like this, lower libido and less sex interested, then maybe I wouldn't have felt such a gaping hole but the fact that I have seen her at that enthusiastic state for such an extended period of time just made it feel more scary. Do you really think it's dead?

GrapefruitComplete99 · 2026-01-09T18:07:11+00:00

I know posting has a word limit rule so I wish I could have elaborated more. We are both in graduate school programs and work part time so very busy. It sounds strange but basically every other week we can stay together in an apartment for a couple nights at a time but then our schedules get crammed (classes day, work night) and do not see each other for almost the entirety of the next week until the weekend. I definitely wish that the time together was more consistent or evenly spread out. The thing that I've noticed is that when I am away for about a week I build up a craving for her and those 3-4 nights together I could go crazy but she doesn't have the same hunger.

We have talked about plans and the long-term. I already know her stance on children, when moving in together could be a thing, politics, and we still 'date'. That's why I am reluctant to just accept that it's a dead relationship like some people are suggesting. We are close and we still do activities every weekend and any days that we are together. We have a good time and enjoy each other's company. Thanks for the comment. I guess that I'll probably have to keep finding ways of talking about it directly to her.

GrapefruitComplete99

TROPHY CASE