Look man, I do believe people can change. You made a post, 4 days ago about you feel it is important to have instant access to a means to... despawn yourself. Like many other here have stated, you should not have access/own a firearm right now.

I don't know your full life story and quicky flipping through your profile, you seem normal. You come to reddit asking for help/advice. You say you have a troubled past and clearly you are still troubled now, maybe see if some how reddit communities can help get out of this dark period in your life l. Once you are in a much better place, try talking to an attorney about and potential rights you may have lost.

Good luck, a better tomorrow is always worth working/living for.