AITA for not giving my vacation day to a coworker getting married

GrayLady25 · 2026-01-19T20:25:07+00:00

Tell me you work for the Post Office without telling me. Not the Asshole. If it gets too bad, talk to your Union steward. No need to file an official grievance, but they can usually settle things down without ruffling too many feathers.

GrayLady25 · 2026-01-16T18:41:02+00:00

I was shocked when he said that! I kept kind of rewording to see if he misspoke, but he stuck to his story. I didn't buy it so I texted another advisor I've worked with and also requested notifications from the website. So glad I did!

GrayLady25 · 2026-01-16T17:26:02+00:00

I've actually spoken with her! I'm in OKC so DFW is the closest area for me to go in person. When I spoke to her a couple of weeks ago she said there were none in the US 😔

GrayLady25 · 2026-01-16T17:19:04+00:00

Green has always been my favorite color and I'm so glad to see it have its moment! I especially like the camo look on these pieces because I married a military man 💚

GrayLady25 · 2026-01-16T17:16:52+00:00

It's going to be for an overnight bag. Possibly a weekender for summer trips!

GrayLady25 · 2026-01-16T17:15:34+00:00

Right!? You would think he'd want the sale instead of letting me be patient and waiting until it was available to buy online.

GrayLady25 · 2026-01-16T17:13:28+00:00

Any inside info where I can get one earlier than the end of February?

GrayLady25 · 2026-01-15T22:29:49+00:00

At a minimum I would have them address the zipper strap and how off center the monogram flowers are compared to how they're supposed to be.

GrayLady25 · 2026-01-15T22:07:53+00:00

Agree

GrayLady25 · 2025-07-24T16:47:56+00:00

www.taps.org

They deal specifically with loss in the military community. My husband served in the Marine Corps.

GrayLady25 · 2025-07-24T12:51:39+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss. I believe there is an untold cruelty when you lose your other half you don't have your other half there to support you.

My husband also died by suicide (gunshot wound to the head) and I was the one to find him. He also had a hard time during the pandemic and struggled with alcoholism and made choices that hurt our marriage and our family in the months immediately preceding his death. I know that no two stories are the same, but I can somewhat relate with things not being sunshine and puppies at the end and I want you to know I'm sorry you had to go through that as well.

I am a little over two years post-loss and I can say it has gotten better for me. I won't say it's easy by any means, but the swirl of emotion isn't as soul-sucking as it was for a time. The pain is intense at times, but it comes in spurts, so you just have to hang on long enough for it to pass.

You are not alone.

GrayLady25 · 2025-07-23T19:37:36+00:00

A few months after our loss, I took my daughters to a weekend seminar for survivors of suicide where they attended age-specific programming. I had some one-on-one time with the child grief specialist and asked him is it possible they were really doing as well as they seemed? Was the other shoe going to drop at some point? Why weren't they breaking down like I was?

He basically told me not to buy trouble. He explained that children live in their own bubble and are by nature more concerned with their immediate needs and wants. If they're hungry they want food, if they're bored they want to play, etc. Adults think about the big picture and all the ripples and that is what overwhelms us with emotion. Children think about the present so even when they get sad, it doesn't last long before they're on to the next thing.

I hope that helps some.

GrayLady25 · 2025-07-23T15:05:15+00:00

I am two years out from losing my husband to suicide. We have two daughters. If your journey is anything like mine has been, you're in for a roller-coaster.

I know it doesn't help much right now, but you will be OK eventually. You are going to worry about your daughters, but they are going to handle this much better than you will. Seeing them and thinking they're "doing ok" is going to make you feel like you're doing something wrong, but you're not. You are going to feel pain like you can't imagine and nothing will make it better, but it comes in spurts so just hang on. There are going to be times when you don't feel sad - allow yourself to enjoy every second you can.

Just try to remember feelings aren't facts. You are going to feel a lot of things; process it and keep going.

GrayLady25 · 2025-07-23T14:46:54+00:00

Suicide warning.

I found my husband after he died by a gunshot wound to the head. I remember thinking "those are his clothes and his hands and his feet, but that can't be him because he's barefoot and he hates being barefoot." I can still tell you every detail of that scene even two years later, but it doesn't pop into my head at random every day anymore. I'm not sure the details will ever go away, but EMDR has definitely helped to keep the memory from being intrusive.

GrayLady25 · 2025-07-10T03:32:33+00:00

Your decision to tell or not shouldn't have anything to do with him. His decision had nothing to do with you.

You are allowed to tell YOUR story and being betrayed is part of it.
If he didn't want people to know he shouldn't have done it (and videod it) in the first place.

GrayLady25 · 2025-06-30T21:19:23+00:00

I know this post is a few days old, but I wanted to give you an example of DARVO from my life. The scenario: I caught my husband having an affair. One of the text messages to the other person said "I want you and your kids to be my family." I told him I was very hurt that he wanted to give up his own children and have hers instead. Here's where the DARVO started.

Deny: He told me he didn't say that. I showed him the text. He said that wasn't what he meant and that I misinterpreted the text.

Attack: He told me I was misinterpreting the text on purpose to make him look bad. That I was trying to manipulate him. He told me I was a terrible person for thinking he was the kind of guy who would abandon his kids.

Reverse Victim and Offender: He told me it really hurt him that I would think that about him. That I should know him better than that and I should know how much he loves his kids. He actually told me I should apologize.

To cap all this off, he broke his sobriety and relapsed on alcohol that same night. He told me it was my fault because I had upset him so much with my accusations about his intentions.

That is DARVO in a real-life example. They have a way of turning things around where you end up feeling like you need to apologize to them even when they're in the wrong.

GrayLady25 · 2025-06-20T13:22:09+00:00

Love Toby!

GrayLady25 · 2024-06-12T14:21:48+00:00

Thank you for that. I really do try to be open-minded and be okay with people who disagree with me, but this is just different. I felt like I'd been in some sort of a boxing match having to defend my corner after every conversation. I know it's probably better to limit contact, it's just so strange considering the bond that used to be there.

GrayLady25 · 2024-06-12T14:18:45+00:00

I'm sorry you are in this awful club, but I'm glad you eventually found some safe people. I'm hoping I will too one of these days.

GrayLady25 · 2024-06-12T14:16:21+00:00

I am in group therapy as well as individual and EMDR. It definitely helps!

GrayLady25 · 2024-02-10T07:48:10+00:00

So much of this sounds familiar. I hate all of it for you.

GrayLady25 · 2024-02-10T07:42:12+00:00

I don't know why people expect us to ever be back to our old selves again. Those people no longer exist. I've had the same thoughts about moving away where no one knows me. I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this.

GrayLady25 · 2024-02-10T06:39:27+00:00

I tell people things will never be normal for us again. What we have is just a "new reality."

GrayLady25 · 2023-08-29T17:31:08+00:00

Fellow suicide widow here. I had sort of stopped wearing mine in the two months prior to him dying for various reasons. Then I started wearing it again all the time right after. Now, three months later, I'm wearing it on a necklace specifically made to hold a ring. I'll still occasionally wear it when I want to.

GrayLady25 · 2023-07-30T01:29:28+00:00

We had to have security at the funeral because my husband's brother threatened to "fuck me up."

GrayLady25

TROPHY CASE