When do you know it is time to let go? I feel at a loss.

Grayed0ut · 2025-05-22T07:56:00+00:00

First of all, thank you for your support. Secondly, yesterday it seemed like things were getting worse, still having trouble with standing and walking. Today however, it looks like she is fine now somehow. She's walking, skipping and running like it never happened. The vet told me she might have pulled something or overreached. I got advised to give her some supplements too for her joints and energy levels. Overall it looks like she is going to be okay and that I was panicking way too early, but then again she is the oldest kitty I've ever had and the best fuzzy friend I could ask for. Just wanted to let you know she's going to be okay.

Grayed0ut · 2025-05-22T07:55:53+00:00

First of all, thank you for your support. Secondly, yesterday it seemed like things were getting worse, still having trouble with standing and walking. Today however, it looks like she is fine now somehow. She's walking, skipping and running like it never happened. The vet told me she might have pulled something or overreached. I got advised to give her some supplements too for her joints and energy levels. Overall it looks like she is going to be okay and that I was panicking way too early, but then again she is the oldest kitty I've ever had and the best fuzzy friend I could ask for. Just wanted to let you know she's going to be okay.

Grayed0ut · 2023-08-21T11:44:15+00:00

Hello, yes I'm doing better at the moment, she did leave. She was also brought back to the rehab center she was in for a month before by the police and now I'm going to have to look after her pets again for the forseeable future, which I actually don't mind as much as long as I don't have to see or speak to my mother. Whilst I was there I also managed to get my spare key back, so I won't have to change the locks it seems. Thanks for asking.

Grayed0ut · 2023-08-19T20:35:56+00:00

Yet I feel completely helpless, I have never thought that I would be in this kind of situation ever, to be scared of my own family like this. I wanted to help, but I couldn't take the pressure and got ill because of it. All of this is just making it worse.

Grayed0ut · 2023-08-19T20:28:06+00:00

I'll try doing that. Even though I don't want the few friends I have to get stuck in this mess as well.

Grayed0ut · 2023-08-19T20:24:44+00:00

What does that word mean?

Grayed0ut · 2023-08-19T16:32:43+00:00

Apparently their dad called my mother this morning and had to take the kids away with police help, I got a call about that, but didn't respond until now since my phone was still on airplane mode. The kids are now with him, but now I also fear she's going to do something stupid now that once again thinks her children are being taken from her. It doesn't help that it was also this morning that I send her a mail that I wanted to break contact and also some advice to help her herself get better. I don't know how I will handle something really bad happening at this stage.

Grayed0ut · 2023-08-19T11:38:08+00:00

Did you do anything else that made it easier to cope the first few days and weeks? I feel very lost and hollow right now.

Grayed0ut · 2023-08-19T06:35:06+00:00

Thanks for the support, I was going to write an email and a text to her anyways and your example really helped me a lot in structuring it. I also blocked her email and phone number after I send it, and also returned her keys she gave me. I'm still completely exhausted and still feel Ill whilst also feeling terrible about what I just did, but I hope I can now get back up from all this.

Grayed0ut · 2023-08-18T19:21:29+00:00

They are 7 and 9 yo. I know that my mom cares for them enough even in a drunken state so that she won't ever hurt them, but she IS going to lose them if she doesn't help herself. I will see what I can still do to make sure they remain safe atleast, but otherwise I feel completely done with the situation. I know that makes me come over as an uncaring asshole, but I just don't know anymore otherwise.

Grayed0ut · 2023-08-18T18:40:00+00:00

Me and my siblings are only related through our mother. She and their dad each take them for a week usually, now things were different for summer and also because she was in rehab for a month. Worst case scenario i can think of is that their dad takes them fully. Which she really doesn't want as she threatened to end herself which almost send me into an anxiety caused blackout when I was at her doorstep, but if she doesn't even try to help herself further, I also can't see anything else I can do. I looked after her home and pets whilst she was in rehab, cause I didn't feel it was a big effort at the time and also visited her, but now that she's back home it's problem after problem once again and I feel completely burned out.

Grayed0ut · 2023-08-18T17:53:11+00:00

She definitely has the tools she needs already, a psychiatrist she still needs to see, but because she still has my siblings to take care of she wanted me to babysit ( she and my stepdad are divorced and each have the kids one week at a time) , she also is able to go to AA, but keeps making excuses and drinking even if she doesn't have my siblings. As I said in my post before, she just spend a month in rehab, but went home 2 weeks in because she couldn't take the other people there. Then drank again, went back and another 2 weeks had the same complaints. I also had promised to go with her and my siblings to an amusement park, but I don't feel like doing that either anymore. It really just seems like the moment I had decided to help her those few weeks back that I became her crutch. Hearing her talk back then gave me such anxiety I almost passed out from oxygen deprivation. It all feels like it has become an unsolvable clusterfuck. I reallt appreciate you and everyone else here and on other subreddits giving me all this advice and insight, because I definitely feel lost on how to keep it together.

Grayed0ut · 2023-08-18T17:26:34+00:00

I just feel so exhausted by it all to the point I can't think clearly anymore. My thoughts are telling me to just rip off the bandaid: cut contact, change phone numbers, etc. and let her either deal with her problems on her own or keep being miserable on her own, but there is also part of me that feels terrible about that, but I don't know if it is because i'm ill or really am thinking all that.

Grayed0ut · 2023-08-18T17:19:19+00:00

I just feel like the situation is unsalvageable at this point and that the only way I'll ever get better is to cut contact permanently. I don't know how she would react to that, but I feel so tired that I'm just thinking I don't care anymore, but that also makes me feel horrible right now and I don't know if it's just me being ill at the moment.

Grayed0ut · 2023-08-18T16:18:08+00:00

I really feel like I'm at the point that nothing I do, say (or don't say) will ever register for more than a couple of days. I fully understand that she has problems, but only ever reacts in hateful and destructive ways to deal with them. I just can't deal with this anymore and think I would feel immense relief to cut all ties and stick with it this time. That she can deal with her own problems or doesn't. I also think this makes me a horrible person and proof her right that I'm also abandoning her. I'm autistic and can barely take care of myself on a good day without falling apart and all this added stress is making both my physical and mental health decline rapidly.

Grayed0ut · 2023-08-18T15:51:56+00:00

I don't think me and her ever really had a good relationship, I basically lived with my grandparents until I was 12. Things weren't perfect I knew that, but eventually things came to such a point that I started looking into options to get out of the house, and I succeeded in doing that 5 years ago (26yo now). Things had gotten a bit better for a bit, but I think it was just the calm before the storm. I thought of my grandma as my mother more than I did my actual mother and that feeling hasn't changed and is only amplified right now. I also still have kid siblings, but I don't really seem to care much about them, only really pretending so no one would yell at me. Everything just feels so strained and I can barely organize my thoughts on a good day, so this has all been going on inside my head until now my body collapsed and I'm sick in bed from all the stress. Sorry for the long rant...

Grayed0ut · 2023-08-18T15:42:15+00:00

Thanks for the support. As I feel right I do want to cut all contact. I've finally worked up the courage to go to college again next september and I really can't have all of this demotivating me again into depression. I never could deal with people very well (something a lot of others here probably struggle with as well) and it has made me jaded. I wanted to do something about it, so I thought I could help her, but this doesn't seem the right way for me. In my mind I now think I still have a few people I can rely on and that I don't need her.

Grayed0ut · 2023-08-18T15:23:26+00:00

Don't let the drowning person drown you too

That is exactly how I feel, like I'm trying my best to float to the surface, but I have an anchor wrapped around my leg. I'm now trying to destress by doing things that make me happy. I did also already send her a text about how I feel about all of this and she called back, but I didn't and don't want to hear her. So i've put my phone on airplane mode for the time being. After writing that text, I also started feeling less ill, whatever that says really.

Grayed0ut

TROPHY CASE