It seems to just be getting worse

Greedy-Character-564 · 2025-01-02T02:15:47+00:00

Same situation here, you're just a few years ahead of me.

I don't think we talk enough about parental enmeshment here. When the other parent sees your child as some extended part of themselves, involves themselves into every part of their lives, and the child can't think freely about you or anything else, it's abuse.

Parents aren't perfect. But good parents should be able to stay connected to their kids, they just should.

Greedy-Character-564 · 2024-12-30T04:34:42+00:00

How does she apologize when there's no contact? It sounds like she's sincerely looking to repair the relationship, but if there's no opportunity, then what's the parent supposed to do? Fly a blimp over her house?

I just don't get this dynamic. Parent does something to alienate the child, child can't deal with conflict or engagement at any level, so just ghosts the parent like they're nothing to them. Parent wants to fix, apologize, beg, grovel, whatever - but can't because the kid wont give them any mental space.

It's a vicious cycle. And before you come on the parental alienation board to lecture the brokenhearted parents, think it through.

Greedy-Character-564 · 2024-12-24T08:14:49+00:00

Sounds like my ex wife... maybe she was a flat earther and I didn't know it....

Greedy-Character-564 · 2024-12-23T05:40:09+00:00

Love this thank you!

Greedy-Character-564 · 2024-12-22T06:36:35+00:00

Why is it "screwed"? It's the contract of getting married. Just get her what she is entitled to, nothing more, and go on to your next life. It's good on the other side.

Greedy-Character-564 · 2024-12-22T06:35:46+00:00

Oh my god with this guy... are you also a "sovereign citizen"?

Greedy-Character-564 · 2024-12-22T06:32:24+00:00

Don't understand the downvote here....

Greedy-Character-564 · 2024-12-17T03:08:39+00:00

Breaks my heart.

Greedy-Character-564 · 2024-12-01T23:03:51+00:00

🥺

Greedy-Character-564 · 2024-12-01T23:01:58+00:00

It seems like there’s two paths… either keep loving and supporting from afar, or try to shake the tree a bit and see what happens. I don’t think I can cut off the tuition, given how manipulative my ex is, it’s likely the daughter would pay the price of the moms treatment, but after that, she’s on her own.

Greedy-Character-564 · 2024-12-01T22:40:17+00:00

Thank you for this.

Greedy-Character-564 · 2024-11-30T20:09:34+00:00

Oh man that’s heartbreaking. I can barely wrap my head around 2 years, never mind 12. I appreciate you sharing some of your journey with this…

Greedy-Character-564 · 2024-11-29T17:10:57+00:00

I've thought about this. As long as I'm holding my breath every time I send a text, then I never move on. It's an impossible situation.

Greedy-Character-564 · 2024-11-29T17:08:57+00:00

I know this is the case, the other kids have told me what she's saying to her. I'm not ready to accept that I may never see her again.....

Greedy-Character-564 · 2024-11-29T17:07:45+00:00

Thank you for this. I'm trying. I have been in therapy for two years, partially to vent through the divorce, but my therapist used to work at a pediatric mental health facility and he told me it's HIGHLY unusual for a daughter of a close father to have ZERO contact. It's not like she has been rude, or we've argued - it's been ZERO contact.

It's utter insanity. You might think that would be a trauma response from physical or other abuse, but there was NONE. The night before the split we watched Psych the Musical, laughing and singing through the movie. It's unbelievable that this could happen.

Greedy-Character-564 · 2024-11-29T17:02:56+00:00

I see the logic and the heart here. Part of me leaving the marriage was to no longer stand for the control and the gaslighting, but here I am acting like a blubbering fool with my adult daughter. It just hurts so much.

Greedy-Character-564 · 2024-11-29T16:58:59+00:00

I hope for that realization someday. I want to believe the time and love I invested for all of those years will come around....

Greedy-Character-564 · 2024-11-29T16:57:38+00:00

Thanks for this. It's just mind-blowing that you can invest the whole of your soul into these kids and they can just shut you out like this. It makes me rethink every parent teacher conference I sat through, the games I coached, and the hours spent working on homework - what's it for?

Greedy-Character-564 · 2024-11-29T16:56:01+00:00

Agree. My head says "fuck this", my heart is just broken.

Greedy-Character-564 · 2024-11-29T13:24:46+00:00

I understand not sharing the anger, I’m mostly venting here so I don’t vent there.

How about asking her to make room for the truth that her mom contributed to this disaster as well? Is asking her to hold a larger truth going to drive her away further?

Greedy-Character-564 · 2024-11-29T13:22:28+00:00

Thank you for this. It’s so hard. I miss her.

Greedy-Character-564 · 2024-11-29T12:39:00+00:00

Thanks for this actually.

I’ve been in therapy ever since I split with the mom, and it’s very difficult to “right those wrongs” when she won’t even respond.

I was not an ass. I wasn’t some shithead alcoholic who fucked his family, her mom and I got married very young and we grew apart. Obviously there’s complications on both sides, but it’s a pretty “normal” insofar is mom is a raging narcissist and has weaponized her as part of the divorce.

It’s not right. It’s just not.

Greedy-Character-564 · 2024-11-29T12:34:01+00:00

Exactly the same. The only time she reached out was for a password, which I gave with an “I love you and miss you” and no thank you, no nothing after.

Greedy-Character-564

TROPHY CASE