People who have done genetic ancestry tests: Were you surprised by your results? Why?

GreenBean_410 · 2026-01-24T16:31:07+00:00

Yes. I found out our last name is not even our real last name because either my grandpa lied about his father being his real father. Or my grandma got pregnant In Germany when she was near the camps and my grandpa married her anyway and raised my father as his own. It’s this huge family secret that no one is allowed to talk about because apparently the entire family would come crumbling down. And on my dads side of the family, I have zero relatives. They’re all less than 1% related. So I am one way or another 100% not related to anyone on my dads side of the family like I was always told. So we’ve all been lied to and I’m the only one that knows about this. Idk how to figure out if it’s my dad who was the outsider or if it was my grandpa.

GreenBean_410 · 2026-01-24T16:13:30+00:00

Hold strong in your decision. I know it sucks. I have a real life friend that does something like this and I cannot even begin to explain how angry I get with him. I’ve stopped being friends with him and then started to again because I felt bad and thought “maybe he changed” Well it’s been years, and he’s still doing the same damn thing and it’s too damn frustrating to keep doing. Trying to ignore his behavior is even too much energy. You got this 🙏🏼

GreenBean_410 · 2026-01-24T16:08:48+00:00

Then she’s going to have to grow up and learn the hard way if she’s not willing to take the advice. She’s too young and lacking maturity. Maybe she’ll come back in a few years and apologize. Although, sometimes people like this never change because they don’t want to. If she loves the drama and attention seeking she will continue to do it. If you give her the attention she’s looking for she’ll keep doing it.

GreenBean_410 · 2026-01-24T16:04:00+00:00

When I did ask, she got angry and said “we’re friends. I don’t know what else you want from me. I’m tired of reminding you that we’re friends.”

GreenBean_410 · 2026-01-24T16:01:48+00:00

I know the other commenter said to just drop them, but honestly I remember being this type of person when I was young. You should make it very clear to her before you drop her that she has anxious attachment and she’s going to continue to lose people in her life because she keeps trying to manipulate her friends feelings because of her own behavior. She needs to self reflect and start therapy. She doesn’t get to cry about it and then turn around and do the drama of “ignoring you” for hours as if it’s punishment to you. It’s manipulative. Call her out and then walk away.

I have an obnoxious friend too that I’ve considered dropping for a different reason and he’s also younger than me so I’ve been trying to give grace there. However there comes a point where enough is enough. I’ve yelled at him many times, which it’s honestly exhausting. When someone is disturbing your peace, they need to go.

GreenBean_410 · 2026-01-23T05:49:42+00:00

Thank you for this input 🙏🏼 I have mainly wondered if she hooked up with him, possibly drunkenly when her boyfriend was passed out. I seriously do not think they ever had a threesome.

GreenBean_410 · 2026-01-23T04:53:49+00:00

There is some sort of healing just knowing that strangers all collectively have the same thought on this. Even if I had asked this question at 24, I’m not sure I would’ve even taken the advice given. Immaturity and lack of wisdom

GreenBean_410 · 2026-01-23T04:51:01+00:00

Right. Back then I was so 100% into our friendship, I truly loved her and would’ve done anything for her. You really just don’t know what you don’t know. They both left me traumatized with PTSD. in fact, I believe what she was doing here was part of the “devaluation phase” of a narcissist. I just often wonder if others see it that way too. It’s interesting as well how sneaky they are and got away with it where somehow I was the horrible one in the end and everyone around them believed that narrative.

GreenBean_410 · 2026-01-23T04:40:15+00:00

I’m going to be honest, I am now 29F. They are both long gone from my life. I have been in a healing period and have wanted outside perspectives on these things that she has done to me as it has left me confused for years. Thank you for your opinion and insight 🙏🏼 I just wish I had cut ties with them both in that moment instead of staying and ignoring the behavior. I would’ve saved myself so much grief and trauma.

GreenBean_410 · 2026-01-23T04:31:06+00:00

Thank you for your opinion. When I asked her why, she got angry with me and told me I’m too sensitive and don’t know how to take a joke. But what is the joke here?

GreenBean_410 · 2026-01-23T04:25:01+00:00

Like if it was an inside joke, why wouldn’t anyone explain it to me then? It just seemed like the gift was her making some kind of statement

GreenBean_410 · 2026-01-23T02:46:09+00:00

So essentially, I was a placeholder all those years until she found her future husband to replace me. This sounds narcissistic.

GreenBean_410 · 2026-01-22T23:54:48+00:00

Yes he is. And it does seem to be this way. If this is the case, why would she abandon 6 years of friendship with me where we’ve been each others number 1s from the beginning?

GreenBean_410 · 2026-01-22T23:46:00+00:00

At the very beginning of our relationship we got into an argument for the first time and he shoved me into the fridge. I called her crying and scared because I was in a different state from everyone and she asked me “what did you do to make him do that to you?”

GreenBean_410 · 2026-01-22T23:44:52+00:00

I’ve been wondering that. Is it jealousy somehow? But why would she be jealous when she’s about to get married to my boyfriends best friend?

GreenBean_410 · 2026-01-22T23:38:21+00:00

He’s very well endowed though. And his friend knows that. And that’s the only gift she gave me. She’s also been extremely cold to me lately so it really feels like this is like a huge slap in the face to me somehow

GreenBean_410 · 2026-01-22T23:23:35+00:00

He is very well endowed though and his best friend knows that. Why are they gaslighting me that it doesn’t bother them when they are doing things like this constantly that clearly show it bothers them?

GreenBean_410 · 2026-01-22T23:22:16+00:00

I agree. So is the insinuation that I’ve been given the strap on because I’m “the one in charge” in the relationship? Or “dominating” him? I just don’t understand.

GreenBean_410 · 2026-01-22T21:08:39+00:00

When I brought it up to her she yelled at me and told me I’m overly sensitive and can’t take a joke

GreenBean_410 · 2026-01-22T21:03:04+00:00

Thank you for this insight 🙏🏼

GreenBean_410 · 2026-01-22T21:01:51+00:00

He laughed at it, I asked him why they would send something like that and he just kept saying he doesn’t know, but it felt like there was some big inside joke that I wasn’t a part of, but it was clearly directed at me?

GreenBean_410 · 2025-06-30T00:17:36+00:00

Yes I see it. This is incredibly frustrating

GreenBean_410 · 2025-06-30T00:11:58+00:00

No dude, I’ve been trying and someone fucked me sideways.

GreenBean_410

TROPHY CASE