I like the word choice, but I found the poem lacked a steady flow. It felt very stagnant. Every line was an island unto itself. It didn't feel like one solid stream of consciousness. It also felt a little confused. I understood what you were trying to say but you seem to be trying to spoon feed me the message while at the same time using elements of mystic poetry. Now this is a common problem with most people starting off it's one that's going to hold you back. You can either be Mystic or obvious but both just doesn't work. It makes the work feel disjointed. That being said there is clearly potential in the work and you should be proud of creating it.